Bipolar wife suddenly wants divoirce

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Darrin
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/3/2007 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
My wife is diagnosed as bipolar and has been taking her medicine. Whoever she lately has been under severe stress dealing with other family problems. She recently comitted adultry told me about it and begged my forgiveness saying that she loves be me and dosen't want a divorce. A couple of months later she cheated again with the same person ( ex-boy friend ). She is now saying that she doesn't love me anymore and wants to be free. We have now separated. Her behavior is irrational one day she love's and thanks me for putting up with her the next day she doesn't love me. I'm confussed and unhappy but mainly unhappy for my wife.

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 9/3/2007 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Darrin, clearly your wife is not stable on her meds, you can tell due to the flip-flopping of her behavior and attitude. Sadly, as all the spouses on this site have shared, and a lot of the BP’s as well. Until your wife focuses only on her mental wellbeing and gets this straightened out for “herself”, there is not much you can do but tell her you love her, wish her well, and move on. IF…and that is a big “if”, she does become stable again ‘for real’ (which would have longevity to it – and that will take a lot of self awareness and hard work) nothing stops you from reconciliation should you still want that. An example of the commitment it takes to maintain and fight for wellness can be seen by just looking at some of the posts from people like Dutchie or Mogli or anyone else on line that consciously is fighting every day for their wellness – regardless of what their disease is putting them through. They do it with responsibility, commitment and hard work; you will see a difference from your wife right now, to how it really looks when someone is committed to their wellness. Until you wife looks like that…you must ask YOURSELF how long are you willing to be cheated on, lied to, have the here today-gone tomorrow life. As sad as it is that your wife has treated you this way, behaved this way, been so out of control of her illness…you wasting your life waiting and hoping and allowing her to do it without you moving on for yourself will make it worse. Now it is time to focus on yourself and rebuild your own life. I know you must feel sad. That is the grief of letting go of your dreams for your future with her. But, do your work and you will get through it. You will emerge out the other side and find happiness again. Good luck to you Darrin. Stay strong for YOU. BTW, are their kids involved too? LFW

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 9/3/2007 3:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Darrin,

I would like to welcome you to the HW family, i am glad you found us. I hope you find the support that you are looking for here.

I am sorry about the rough times you are going through. As Loving said, there really isn't much you can do for your wife. You just have to hope things will turn around. There are a lot of people here that have gone through what you are going through and they have great things to say. Hang in there and know we are here for you. Best Wishes!
Olivia
Moderator, Bipolar
 
Dx:  Bipolar 1, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
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footballfan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 9/3/2007 4:26 PM (GMT -7)   
LFW stated that looking at postings from Dutchie (I am her husband) and Mogli might help you understand the effort it takes for your wife to get to a place that is healthy. First off, does she take her meds regularly or only when she feels she needs them? My wife recently went to a support group of about a dozen people and was amazed that only her and the leader were the ones that take their meds regularly. The other people in the group complained about being up one week and then being down the next. Secondly, has she shown any real effort in trying to get control of her life besides telling you she loved you occassionaly? My wife since being diagnosed and getting on meds has done everything she can to get control of her life, she eats healthy, exercises, joined a church, joined a support group, goes to a councellor and reads constantly just to try to get an understanding of where she is and where she wants to get to. Getting your wife to a place where she understands there may be a problem is tops on the list. Do what you must do to get this done.
I am in the same boat as you. If you want a long read just look at our postings "a lot to deal with" on the second page and the second part on the first page. It will take a while to read it all but you will probably see a lot of similarities to your situation. In no way am I saying that I have it all figured out as to what to do, in fact I am in the situation where I struggle daily on if I want to continue this relationship.
Post any questions or comments. The people on this site are here to help and not to judge.
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