husbands bipolar show why do i feel like im going crazy...

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MYMY28
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/12/2007 1:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello im new to this site and im in need a advice. I dont even know where to begin. about a month and a half ago my husband was diagnosed with bipolar 1. I thought that this was a new beginning since i had been telling him for almost 6 years that he needed to seek help. Anyways things have not gotten better he stopped taking the meds saying that theres nothing wrong with him that the doctors what dont know what there talking about. I have been going through this with him for years and im so tired and drained. He is very emotionally abusive and lately it has become alittle more then that.He starts grabbing my arms hard and pushing me. He is so self absorbed and act like the worlds coming to and end.
He lies about the silliest things i just dont get it. I would tell him to get back on his meds but  now he's telling me he wants a divorce and that he was only with me for our 5 year old son, and he is still in the house because he has no where to go. he got in a motorcycle accident and severly broke his leg so he cant work.When i look in his eyes lately I see a stranger. It's like there's no emotion or love in him. I love him but what can i do.

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 9/12/2007 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Mymy28, several recent postings are from spouses dealing with the exact same things as you described, with variations on specific issues. I think those of us who are part of the HW family have all given sound advice to them and would encourage you to read through some of those. You will see a plethora of input that can be applied to you too. With that said, a quick tidbit...while emotional abuse is not okay, when it turns physical in any way IMO all bets are off and now you must seek safety for yourself and son. As to how he will take care of himself...his problem. Love or not, safety comes first. Also, none of this abuse is good for your child to see. STOP thinking of your husband first, think of your son. Your husband has lost the right to be #1. You think about what would be best for that child, and DO that. If your husband wants help...he is a grown man, he can get it. If he wants to be fed, he can fix it. YOUR SON CAN’T. If he wants to be a good role model and father to your son…he will earn it by behaving responsible to his mother and get the help he needs to be a balanced loving and consistent parent to his son! If your husband ever gets responsible about his condition and gets the help he needs (which if he wants to is certainly available) then whatever you decide at this point can be reversed or changed potentially. But if you keep enabling him by allowing any of this excessive abuse, then you remove the consequence and make it too comfortable for him to realize it was not okay to begin with. Remember BP's can be masterful manipulators. Good luck with however you decide to handle this. LFW

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/13/2007 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi MYMY28,

LFR is correct -- there are a bunch of recent posts on very similar themes. The biggest threads are Scared_Wife's "Is This Bi-Polar?" and look back for a less active thread started by Lleaky called "Did I do the right thing?" There are more though. There's about a 50/50 division of BP people here and BP spouses seeking support, so welcome.

Good luck,
Serafena
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


olivia of course
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 9/13/2007 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
MYM28,

I want to welcome you to the HW family, I am glad you found us. I hope you find the support you are looking for here.
Olivia
Moderator, Bipolar
 
Dx:  Bipolar 1, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
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"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"


Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 9/14/2007 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there mymy28

All of the posts above are correct IMO, until he takes responsibility for his behaviour you are fighting a losing battle and will get nowhere with him. This is one of the KEY things for people who suffer from BP and their spouses in my opinion. I have hubbie of 21 years who has been suffering from BP for over 25 years.

Please think about your son and the effect it is having on him. Instead of repeating the same posts there are some very good recent ones that tackle similar issues, especially with children. I posted a couple of replies to a recent post 'New here, husband is BP'. I don't have kids but can give you an honest view of what effect it has had on my hubbie and his family due his dad being undiagnosed BP and never accepting or making an effort to understand that he may be suffering from a mental illness. His family life was a nightmare for many years and now all family members are estranged.

If his behaviour towards you is escalating in the way you describe you really do need to make a change sooner rather than later. This make shake your hubbie up to the realisation that his behaviour is not normal. By letting him be this way you are unfortunately adding to the problem. I know this because for many years I did not really 'stand up' to my husband and call him on his treatment or behaviour towards me and suffered more as a result, as a result he thought it was more normal than it was mostly due to the environment he had been brought up in. You will spend (and waste) your life walking on eggshells and limping from one mood swing to another and your life will not feel like it is your own or in your control. In my experience even with the most successfull treatment (therapy and meds) and acknowledgment by your hubbie your life will still be dominated by the BP at times, but at least if you are in it together you will feel more positive about staying together and trying to create a better environment for your son and be able to minimise the impact.

Hope this helps.

Honey Bee

Post Edited (Honey Bee) : 9/14/2007 4:22:59 PM (GMT-6)


MYMY28
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/17/2007 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I want to say thank you to everyone that repleyed, you have all given great advice and I'm grateful. Well that same day that I had posted this I went home and told him that if he wants a divorce then he can go and get it himself and that I wasn't going to allow him to sit around and not get help. I told myself that I wasn't going to feed in to how he is acting, because I know that he feed off of my emotions. A few minutes later he comes over to me and starts putting in a show about how wrong I am and how he never does anything wrong.....I just stood there and said, "Ok then whatever you say I'm the bad one." This went on for about 5 mins then he broke down and started to crying and that he doesn't know what he does this and he doesn't want a divorce and that he was sorry for grabbing me. So today he went and got back on his meds and he went to church on Wednesday and Sunday. I know now that this is not going to be an easy road but as long as I remember that there is always an answer for everything and if I listen and and do what had to be done no matter how difficult it might get then things will be fine...



I edited this post due to Form Rule #14

14. No SHOUTING. Remember, using ALL CAPITAL LETTERS in posts is considered yelling and rude, plus it is difficult to read.

Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 9/17/2007 2:45:03 PM (GMT-6)


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 9/17/2007 10:55 AM (GMT -7)   
MYMY28, I am glad you feel you are getting a handle on things. I urge you to not kid yourself however, the road ahead it a tedious and difficult one at best, at worst it is hell for all involved. I think it is great that you stood up to him. That is always important to do. Just take it one day at a time and remember to NOT forget about what you want and need as well in this relationship and in YOUR "life". There is nothing that says you can't stick this out and work to help him have a balanced happy life, OR change your mind at any point, and opt to not stay because it is not the life you want for you. There is no judgement either way. Just stay very honest with yourself because YOU count too! LFW

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/17/2007 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Good for you MYMY28. It's not easy to stand up for yourself against someone you love. I'm so glad to hear that he has decided to get help and try to get himself back together. It seems like your firm stand was the wake up call he needed.

Remember, though, that this is probably not the last you've seen of this, and you'll probably have to call on your strength again to keep yourself safe and happy. Bipolar's tricksy like that. All of us want to stick with our spouses through sickness and health, but we don't have to suffer their abuse when they refuse to get help.

Be prepared and consider some counseling for yourself to help you deal with the pressure.

serafena (one of the tricksy ones.)
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 9/17/2007 7:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Serafena, you are always such a responsible BP. You're up front and honest, and seem to own your "issues" associated with the BP. Know that you are inspirational and give us spouses hope as to what it can be like when true responsibility is taken. LFW

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/18/2007 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Awww. Thank you LFR. That's very sweet. That's one of the differences, I think, with BP II. My mania never takes over my conscience the way true mania does for some people. One of the things that's been a real surprise for me while on this board is learning just how many BP's flee their closest relationships while manic. I absolutely can understand it on one level (you just feel so oppressed by every single responsibility when you're ill), but I would never do it. It seems like life would be simpler with no responsibilities or people "bugging" you, but it's just not true. I know that for me the key to getting well again is to stay with my family and let them help me, even when I just want to be left alone. That doesn't mean I don't give my husband a run for his money ... :)

I just want to stay well. I have a great husband and a little daughter who needs me. Medicine, therapy, friends and family are what keep me well. I acknowledge that doesn't work for everyone. I acknowledge it doesn't even work all the time for me -- but I have to stick by what works.

Thanks for the boost of confidence. I appreciate that.

serafena
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!

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