need lots of advice and support

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hawaiian17
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/13/2007 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I am new to this site. My fiance' was just dx with BP. She is still in the hospital after having her 1st breakdown starting on Friday and then escalating on Monday morning. She had all the signs of a mental breakdown. Then myself and our 2 close family friends had to admit her in the hospital. She was delusional,talking very fast, unfinished sentences and all the rest that goes with BP. The hard part for me is seeing her the mental health hospital with people that are way worse then she is. It is also just heart wrenching to see her going through this. She is my soulmate that I love very much. She is loved and supported by many close friends and family. We all go see her every visiting hour that we can. I am sorry if I am rambling or scattered brain right now, but under the circumstances of little sleep I have allot of questions and things to get off my chest.

1st quetsion is how long does this 1st episode last? Will the delusions eventually go away? How do I convince her that she is BP? My other problem is she is anti pills due to her mother being 4 months sober from oxycotin and methodone. So she has been through allot with her mothers whole ordeal. But she did get sober thanks to my fiance'. So any words of advice for me being very,very new to this will help.

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 9/14/2007 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I won't lie and say BP is a thing you can get over, if you read through many postings, you will see it is a lifelong disorder that needs constant monitoring and committed participation to wellness from the sufferer. And as a spouse to a BP, it is a hard life with the constant up and down’s of it. There are many levels and manifestations of the condition as well, and each person responds differently to the various meds available to help them level the brain chemistry. And what works for a time, may not always continue to work. This is why having a really good pdoc, therapist, support group, support system...etc. is so important. However, I wasn't clear with your posting...are YOU thinking your fiancé' is BP, or is that the dx the doctors have given? Because if this episode came out of the blue, and she had never shown any symptoms before, it may not be the explanation to this "episode" you are referencing. As I am not a doctor, just a wife and mother to BP's, I know that the evaluation needs to be done by a professional with a lot of experience in this condition to be able to properly identify it correctly. It is critical to have a correct dx so that the person can find the right meds to regain a balanced manageable life. But again, I have never heard ANYONE on this site say that being a spouse or partner to a BP is a piece of cake. Don’t kid yourself, it is not…EVER. It doesn’t ever go away, it may be better at times than other times, but it will ALWAYS be a part of your life. You may have a lot of thinking to do on what you want for YOUR life, and that may sound terrible to you. Clearly you love this person, and that is a precious and beautiful thing, but get truthful with yourself about what your life, and future potential kids lives may be like, and make a conscious choice about whether that is the life you really want for YOU. Not just what is best for your beloved fiancé, who I wish nothing but the best for. LFW

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/14/2007 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hawaiian,

Hi again. There's no saying how long the first episode will last, if indeed it is BP. (LFW is right -- you're going to have a doc diagnose that. You can't diagnose her or convince her of anything.) With bipolar, a manic episode is almost always followed by a depressed episode so even once you're through with a manic phase, you've got more rough times ahead, I'm afraid. The process of finding meds that work can be pretty complex. There are lots of drugs available and docs try to cater them to each person's individual reactions and needs. Sometimes docs find a prescription that gets it right on the first try. Often it's not that easy. There's often lots of trial and error, which unfortunately can mean more mood swings.

Lots of bipolar sufferers are wary of the drugs used to treat it -- but it is very hard to manage the disorder without them. It requires a whole lot of vigilance, self-discipline, and support-- all things BP sufferers are traditionally short on. :) But I'm sure when she's rational your fiance would acknowledge the difference between using drugs to manage a health condition and abusing drugs. Hopefully the doctors in the hospital and the constant care she's getting there will help her make the decision she needs to get better and out of the hospital.

As I understand it, the delusions and paranoia usually let up with the mania.

hope this helps,
serafena
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


hawaiian17
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/14/2007 3:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Serafena,

Hi there. She has been dx with BP. She has been ordered to stay 14 more days so she can start taking her meds and get her stabilized before they allow her to come home. She is still very hesitant to take her meds. Some very close family members that drove in last night went and saw her today to try and convince her to start taking them. If anyone can, it would be them. She is still a little delusional though. And very, very angry. Every visit is different. One minute she is loving, and the next she hates you. It doesn't bother me that much anymore. I've developed a very thick skin through this whole ordeal. She isn't on the Seroquil anymore. It makes her very sick. I hope that she will wake up and just want to take the meds. But that is very wishful. She is still talking like we aren't going to be a couple anymore after this happens. But we have always been unseperable till this point. I am taking it day by day and have a great support group of close friends and family staying at our house right now. We have another visit tonight and we will see how it goes.
Please cont. to write more advice. It is all greatly appreciated.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/14/2007 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hawaiian,

Well, it's good to hear reinforcements are coming in for you. Each day in the hospital is another day she'll have doctors and nurses helping her to learn what her disorder is all about and attend therapy sessions. The meds are scary, but they can make such a big difference. Just let her know you want her to be well. As long as she sees how many people love her and want her to get well, she will hopefully choose to take them on her own. She will get better, but it won't be an easy year.

When some delusional BP's get sick, they want to break off relationships with everyone they hold dear because they're afraid of getting hurt and because they're afraid of hurting them. Read through some of the recent threads from the past month and see how many are from spouses or partners or friends of BP sufferers who "just left" or "just broke up" with them. It's common. For now, hang in there. When she's out of the hospital and thinking more clearly, then you can have a rational conversation about the future of your relationship. But right now she needs you, regardless of what she says.

I send you strength and good wishes through the keyboard...
serafena
Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!

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