My visit with my mom was great. I also stopped by a friend's house and went for a walk with her, her twin 5 yr. old daughters, and my dog (Spot). It was a great way to spend the day, and I was motivated to get more done around the house when I got home.
I signed up for "Curves" and am going to work out today after work!
I think night time is the hardest for me. I miss him alot. We always watched the Indians (AL Central Champs!) and Browns together and would just have fun cooking dinner and hanging out with the dog.
I am feeling very confident in my decisions, and I know he is not in his right mind......but I still keep asking myself those crazy questions.....was he just using me?....is it possible to just quit loving someone like he said?....maybe he hasn't loved me for quite some time?.....does he even miss me?.....will he change for this new girl?.....I know....pathetic, isn't it?
I am at work today and it occupies my time...
I am glad to hear your current meds are working well for you, and I hope your pdoc. appt. goes well. It sounds like you have a solid plan in place and that must bring some peace....I printed out the wonderful things that you and LFW said the other day, and refer to them often for support. (Except one of your posts was missing, and I don't know where to find it! It was the one where you explained your history with your husband. Maybe I am still new to this site....and I goofed?)
Maybe we can have a Cubs-Indians World Series???
I don't know what I would do without the posts from everyone. It's as if you have been sitting with me for the past 3+ years and are inside my head. You say the exact thing I need to hear....whether I want to hear it or not. I am sure I would've called him by now, and I am sure I wouldn't be thinking about myself. But I am.
I want a happy marriage, and I want children. He is not even close to giving me those things, and I dont want to wait anymore. I am consciously making the decision to move forward toward what I WANT, not waiting for him to tell me what he wants. It is a difficult thing, especially when I look back and see I have chosen every serious bf b/c I wanted to be the savior and "fix" them. I do feel like I failed, but I need to be honest about my chances and motives in the first place.
His manipulation was so extraordinary...and i never really saw it until now...i sit and here and think....what a terrible disorder. and i agree......he can't hide any of it from me anymore....so he needs to fill his immediate needs and find someone else he can hide from. He'll find immediate gratification, but he is destined for the same results.....
I will let myself hurt now and then, but I will keep the questions to a minimum, b/c I never will really now the truth anyway. All that matters is today's reality.
Have you ever thought that your experiences and the suffering you have endured has allowed you to help others tremendously? I would never wish the bp life on anyone, but you have managed to make such a difference in other's lives, rather than let it destroy you.
Thanks, again, for everything!
Hello! I'm so happy that your day went so well on Sunday! You needed that.
Ya know...I really like what Serafena just posted to you.
I totally agree! ~Hugs to You~