I know I am very new to the bp world, but I think you should still feel great and be very proud of yourself for being so attentive to your emotions and triggers. Your husband is just part of your attentive system.....helping you be aware of other types of signs....and helping to keep you in the middle. I wouldn't look at it as a bad thing. You are taking that information and still moving ahead in a positive direction. There has been progress, and that is tremendous. You are still just as attentive, and even going for a walk and clearing your head shows a great reaction to the situation.
This may be a silly analogy....but, humor me....
I am a certified interior designer and I spend most of my day on AutoCAD producing construction drawings. I could spend hours on end making sure every detail is accurate down to the last door header and light fixture. I could bet a million dollars everything is perfect...but I still have a peer review my drawing sets....because another set of eyes is always a good thing. We are human and no matter how hard we try...we can't catch everything ourselves! Another set of eyes helps us catch the things we missed before it goes too far....or in my case, before the contractor is trying to build something and calls me to say my drawings are wrong! Ultimately, the drawings are my responsibility, but I rely heavily on my peers for that "second set of eyes".
Have a great day....and love yourself for your progress!
I understand what you mean about the full-moon and how it affects people. It is true. I use to work in the emergency room at a hospital, and when there was a full moon, there were a lot of people with mental illnesses that flooded the ER. I know last night was a full moon and I thought about that as well when my daughter came home and told me what a clear night it was last night and how huge and beautiful the full moon looked, (as I was already in an anxiety attack.)
I posted to your other concerns on a new post that I started titled, "Pouli...missing B/P friend." I hope you find it and it helps you in some way.
Have a Good Day!
Just thought I'd update you. Last Monday I saw my Pdoc. When he invited me into his office, I loudly stated, "Eureka! I think we have finally found the right dosage of meds, because I feel GREAT!" I guess I kinda startled him because his eyes became very wide and assured me that we have plenty of leway to adjust the meds if we need to. When I saw the look on his face, I realized I was a little to loud and excited when I first entered his office. And needed to stay grounded.
The beginning of the week was Great. By mid week I realized I was getting more and more irritable but I continued to strive to stay in the moment and adjusted my actions/reactions appropriately. It was hard, but I did it.
By the end of the week my stressful issues that I was having before hand came upon me full circle again. Not bi-polar wise, just some personal private issues.
Now the last two days I am feeling in a rut! I am starting to isolate myself and feel that I am heading for either a huge meltdown or deep depression again. My husband see's it too. I just don't have the energy anymore to fight this.
I see my therapist tomarrow and will fill her in. I am so trying to stay strong and aware of what is happening to me and trying so hard to keep myself out of the deep waters.
I believe it is time for me to ask for an ER visit with my Pdoc and get my meds adjusted once again. I don't see this stressful issue that I am going through again right now clearing up any time soon! It consumes me all day and all night. If it weren't for this situation I think I would be doing fine with handling things on my own. That is what really Su***! But I guess life dishes all type of crap our way and we have to find a healthy way to deal with it, and I can't yet do it alone. I need the adjustment to keep me in a safe place.
I Agree with LFW 100%. Don't be so hard on yourself. Can I offer another perspective from a non-BP....I have two major health issues: terrible anxiety problems and terrible food allergies...eggs, wheat, corn, shellfish, and sulfites. When I don't eat well (my options are limited)..i feel sick for days. Last night I made this great soup...well the mix had sulfites in it. My whole body aches for hours...every joint, every muscle. My throat swells, my asthma kicks in and then I panic. I basically am a wreck. I then take all of the appropriate meds and stay in bed until I feel like I can move again. I am home from work today b/c my body is just beat up. But that is just one day....and I know what I need to go to feel better....eat the right foods and drink lots of water....take a xanax and take a walk....
We sometimes are too hard on ourselves, but we are human. The important thing is that we never give up. You are doing all of the right things..be more forgiving of the off days and know that, overall, you are doing great.