I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. I understand the pain of watching someone self-destruct and blaming you for it. I am not married, but my boyfriend of 3-1/2 yrs. was diagnosed with bp and refuses to stay on meds and seek treatment. I asked him to leave, but he recently told me he wasn't in love with me and is starting over with someone new.
I encourage you to read some of my posts and the replies and the truly wonderful, encouraging, inspirational, and loving advice I have received from the generous souls on this site. I wouldn't be in my right mind today if I didn't have them for their wisdom. So many people have been where you are, and can help you. You are in the right place!
Sarafena is right. No one can force him to behave this way...he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He is choosing to act the way he does, you aren't making him depressed or angry... he is choosing to live this way and treat you this way. And if you continue to let him treat you this way....it can and will go on forever. You deserve to be treated with respect, dignity, and love, and if he can't do that....you should choose to walk away. You wouldn't be leaving him behind, you are moving forward, choosing a healthy life, and he is choosing to live an unhealthy, self-destructive life. He is choosing not to be healthy. You aren't leaving anyone behind.
Trust me, I understand wanting to be with the man you fell in love with. But how long are you willing to wait until he shows up again? What if he never does? Look at your reality for what it is right now...you are not getting what you need from this relationship and you haven't for some time. Don't let him guilt you into thinking it is you. IT IS NOT YOU. You are lovable and capable of being in a healthy relationship with another healthy person. He is not healthy right now and will not be able to give you what you need until he is.
Don't blame yourself. Love yourself and choose to surround yourself with peace, calm, and love. I would encourage you to talk to a counselor or therapist to help work through some of these things. I hope you are finding some helpful, encouraging words on this site. Stay strong!