How do u move on with your life and leave your loved one sick becoz they think it's your fault.

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bam
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/30/2007 11:09 AM (GMT -7)   
 I am new and know my husband is Bipolar even thought he has not been diagnosed. I am legally seperated from him to protect myself financially. He thinks it's me that makes him act angry and depressed. We are in the legal process of all our assets and he thinks I took everything away from him when he's the one who abandoned our home and left me. I have his patterns down packed. He goes off with other women and says I just don't know how to treat him right. I am just getting my health back from nearly dying last December and an emtional breakdown. This disorder finally brought me down Physically and I am afraid to divorce him and leave him behind . I want the man back that was my friend and soulmate but I  don't know where he went. This disorder takes him away from me and makes me an evil women that he believes me to be when I only want to help. I know I can't wait forever for him to see that i'ts him I did let go but my heart is still holding and it hurts to love someone who doesn't want help and blames you for everything that has gone wrong......I feel numb.

Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 9/30/2007 11:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Bam

I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. I understand the pain of watching someone self-destruct and blaming you for it. I am not married, but my boyfriend of 3-1/2 yrs. was diagnosed with bp and  refuses to stay on meds and seek treatment. I asked him to leave, but he recently told me he wasn't in love with me and is starting over with someone new.

I encourage you to read some of my posts and the replies and the truly wonderful, encouraging, inspirational, and loving advice I have received from the generous souls on this site. I wouldn't be in my right mind today if I didn't have them for their wisdom. So many people have been where you are, and can help you. You are in the right place!

Stay Strong!

 

 


 
Casem
New Bipolar Supporter


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/1/2007 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Bam,

It's brutal to have a person trample you when you're down, especially when it's supposed to be the person who loves you most. How devastating.

You don't deserve to be abused. Whether he is BP, whether it is a medical condition causing the abuse or not, it's still abuse: mental and emotional abuse. It's up to him to acknowledge his problems and try to fix them. You don't have to wait around while he sorts that out. I know you want the man you fell in love with back, but even if he "came back," would it ever be the same? You deserve better.

The important thing is to try and pick yourself up and get on with your life. You recovered from a serious illness -- you can recover from a broken heart. I don't mean to sound flippant -- I know it's not that easy. I just mean to remind you that you are a strong person. If it were a man treating your daughter that way, how would you feel? Treat yourself as well as you would treat that daughter.

Good luck.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 10/1/2007 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Bam,

Sarafena is right. No one can force him to behave this way...he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He is choosing to act the way he does, you aren't making him depressed or angry... he is choosing to live this way and treat you this way. And if you continue to let him treat you this way....it can and will go on forever. You deserve to be treated with respect, dignity, and love, and if he can't do that....you should choose to walk away. You wouldn't be leaving him behind, you are moving forward, choosing a healthy life, and he is choosing to live an unhealthy, self-destructive life. He is choosing not to be healthy. You aren't leaving anyone behind.

Trust me, I understand wanting to be with the man you fell in love with. But how long are you willing to wait until he shows up again? What if he never does? Look at your reality for what it is right now...you are not getting what you need from this relationship and you haven't for some time. Don't let him guilt you into thinking it is you. IT IS NOT YOU. You are lovable and capable of being in a healthy relationship with another healthy person. He is not healthy right now and will not be able to give you what you need until he is.

Don't blame yourself. Love yourself and choose to surround yourself with peace, calm, and love. I would encourage you to talk to a counselor or therapist to help work through some of these things. I hope you are finding some helpful, encouraging words on this site. Stay strong!


 
Casem
New Bipolar Supporter


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 10/1/2007 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Bam, Both Serafena and Casem are correct in all they have said. Casem is in the exact same place as you right now. I would encourage you to read her threads. They are very powerful and contain a lot of input we all would want to share with you right now, but rewriting it all right now feels quite overwhelming. So read those threads and take all the feedback given to her, and share the gift of it with yourself as well. There is support on this site and we are glad you found us. The key...take as good of care of YOU, as you have tried to take of him. YOU DESERVE IT MORE. LFW

bam
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/1/2007 5:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, I have wondered for some time if there we anyone elseout ther who knew what I was talking about I been married for 7yrs and we have a little girl and the sad thing is he knows deep down inside he's not well. I spoke to him today as he took our little girl to school. He said he never wanted any of these things to happen. I know too that until he faces the truth that he lost everything becoz of what he's done and face the fact that he has some kind of disorder my life will be nothing but a rollercoaster. I do know it is not me and somewhere inside me there is a strong person I wouldn't have survived and seeing how my health failed me and how we almost lost everything was a eye opener to what this disorder can do to families. I know at times I reach him but this time his episode went way too far. I have protected myself finacially and can take care of myself but I miss my family life there were some great times when he was normal. I don't miss the Dr. Jekle Mr. Hyde and the walking on eggshells or wandering when he's gonna get mad and leave. There is some kind of peace I am happy to go to work and feel stable again . I got out with friends for dinner and I am planning a trip to NYC in December. I'ts just lonely and sad when I come and he's a reminder of what is left. I miss him whoever he was. And I know life goes on and time heals and I deserve so much more but all the knowing just does'nt take away the pain and the loss.

Thanks to all the responses and I will read Casems threads I am glad I finally found people who understand.

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 10/1/2007 8:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Bam, I saw that you read one of Casem's threads. Please, read them all. THey are all full of amazing support for those going through so much like the two of you. Be well. LFW
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