LFW-Thank you so much for replying to my post. I needed a reply. Last night was terrible and I'm afraid today is not much better. I am officially in a deep depression. I am scared that it's going to last this whole weekend. It's really bad this time. I'm actually scared this episode may be really long. I know I shouldn't stress like that; predict what I don't know is going to happen for sure. I'm just expressing my anxiety over feeling this way. I have these fears of how bad it's going to be and long it's going to last.
I can't stop crying. I hate this so much, and I feel so alone. I haven't called my pdoc re: the trileptal. I'm not sure it would help with the depression. But it would probably help with the cycling that I was experiencing before this depression hit.
Anyway, I can't really see my pdoc over the weekend, unless I go to the hospital. I don't want to go there. I am really scared right now. I don't want to feel this way. I tried calling all my friends (all 3 of them) and no one is home.
Dasa-Thank you so much for your well wishes. I did relax last night and it did help. Reading takes my mind off of things too. As long as my concentration is in check; it seemed to work last night.
LFW-Thank you again for reaching out to me. After I posted yesterday, I went into the bp chat room and someone came in; we chatted for a bit but then got kicked out (I think the chat rooms must be having technical problems again). But it did help to talk to someone for a bit. I will do that again this weekend if I need to. Then I just stayed on the computer for a bit reading some things online. That actually helped me calm down. Then I started to remind myself that I needed to just take this hour by hour. And that thought helped me calm down.
My bf and I do live together, I think you were asking about that one time. He came into the computer room, and I was in tears a little bit, so I reached out for him to hug me. I had told him earlier that day how I was feeling; so he asked if I was okay. I told him I was trying to be. I needed a big bug. So he did that for me. He also cooked us dinner. And he treated me yesterday at my favourite book store-with some Starbucks and a new journal (and an anatomy folder to help me with school). The journal was a little gift for doing so well in school. That definitely cheered me up. And I will be writing in the journal this weekend. I am going to try to write more.
We also watched a movie. It wasn't a funny one though, but I think I'll put my favourite funny one on today. Still just being with my bf and watching the movie was effective in taking my mind off things. I definitely got the depression to lift a bit, and my bf really helped with that. And I did get very sleepy at the end, so I did go to bed, and my trazodone got me a nice 8 hour sleep. Much needed. I am sure that's why I am feeling a bit better this morning too; the trazodone might have helped. But I am ready if I start feeling awful again today.
It's early in the morning now. I am going to ask my friend who teaches yoga, to give me one of her dvd's, this weekend. And I'll see if maybe she would like to help me with it moving forward. As for the walk... My bf and I are going to one of the nicest parks we have here in the city for a walk today. I am looking forward to that. I'll have to try the walking bare foot thing.
Thank you again for reminding me about taking the steps to get out of the crisis I was in. I hope things are well for you. I know things have been stressful for you and I want you to know we are here for you. Hugs back, have a great day today.
Thank you for your post. Such kind words, I appreciate it. I'm starting to feel worse again, but I'm trying not to panic.
Thanks for all of your support. Olivia, the chat the other night definitely helped with what I was going through that night, so thank you.
Your post made me laugh out loud, definitely very healing. I am feeling much better so far this morning...It feels like the episode has lifted, but I will keep my cape with me and the thoughts of you singing n' such
Oh I think it does I think I'm going to put the post in my journal, b/c it cheers me up so much.
Serafena, I hope you are feeling well, I hope the vertigo has left and never comes back.
Olivia, take it easy. I know you haven't been feeling the greatest. Thanks for reaching out to me.