(((Hugs))) for LFW

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sukay
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Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 10/10/2007 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi LFW,
 
I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing emotionally and physically. I was reading through some past posts and read a lot of what you have been dealing with.
 
I know what you are going through with your son, somewhat. The kids at school always taunted my son. I understand how you would want to just knock some sense in them. It's amazing what we learn from our children. The kids that picked fights with my son every day just aggravated me so much...I wanted to kick their butts back! I went through the regular route of talking to the principal, teachers, parents, kids and nothing worked.
 
One day I was in an angry mania mood and saw one of the "Pack Leaders" jump my son and knocked him off his skate board while all the others laughed. I saw the whole thing as I always peeked through my window when he was on his way home from school. We live right across the street from school. I came bursting out of the house screaming, "What the fudge is going on here?" Everyone heard my voice on the block! I screamed out loud to everyone that I was sick and tired of teaching my son how to have respect for other people and we have punk a-- kids like these all the time around picking on them. So I screamed, "Jeff, you finally have my permission to let loose and kick this kids a--! My son just smiled at me and the other kids started running down the block. Jeff finally caught up with him and gave him a few good jabs. Everyone saw what happened.
 
The next day, the kids and his friends came up to Jeff and apologized and said they didn't want any trouble with him and that they wanted things to be "Cool" between them. The one kid had a huge shiner! Since then the kids never provoked him again and word got around that Jeff was capable of handling himself!
 
I know it was the wrong thing to do, but I was in a manic state and let loose. But in the end it made Jeff more secure about himself.
 
I understand you can not/should not do this with your son since he is bi-polar and could really hurt someone. I just wanted to let you know, I totally understand where you are coming from feeling all the heart break! sad  
 
 
I've read that you have been under a lot other stress issues too. Plus physically you are not doing well with your back and fibro. I surely hope some healing comes your way. You're in my thoughts! I know you help us all out on this board and your advise is treasured. Please remember we are here for YOU too!
 
Keeping you in my thoughts! And wishing you well.

~Sukay~
 
Crohns Disease-Remicade since 1999, Methotrexate
Fibromyalgia & Arthritis
Bipolar & Panic/Anxiety-Trileptal, Xanax, Trazadone, Wellbutrin


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 10/11/2007 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Sukay, Thanks for thinking about me. I'm doing okay, just having a few low energy blue days. (even non BP’s have them).

Physically it has been a bit hard, my fibro is definitely flaring as I am extremely fatigued of late and some of the nerves down my leg that have been recovering over the last year from the damage, are taking a few steps backwards and it is painful. I am working to get into see the spine surgeon earlier than next month when I am scheduled for a check up. Even my rehab doctor thinks it might be a good idea. It may just be part of the "healing" process, but if it is..."it s--ks!" I thought I was past this and the nerves were going to be okay. As you can hear, I am very frustrated about it. BUT...as far as I am concerned...I am walking, and I will continue to no matter what. Just wish the fibro wouldn't complicate things...UGH!

As to my son...given he is on the football team now, you would think kids would get that he can take care of himself, but I wish that just once (and mind you I am NOT a violent person) he could have a scene witnessed like that of your son's, by all the others who are the leaders of the ridicule and disrespect, so they would all BACK OFF. You know, when a parent hears about how my son is being treated, and turns to me and says..."Oh I'm sorry, what’s wrong with your son?" I feel like looking at their insensitivity and ignorance and responding, "Not a THING...what's wrong with yours that he has no compassion, common sense or respect for his fellow peers...what are YOU teaching him in your home?" But, I don't, I refrain and just say, "Nothing is wrong with my son, he is an amazing and great kid." Then I walk away. I feel so sad about it and have asked to work with the school on a bully program. I'm waiting to hear back about it. I don't have great hopes for a polar shift, but even if one kid would step up and "get it" and realize that you don't have to like everyone, just be respectful in the things you say. Calling each other in jest a "looser or a--" (and these are the mild things) serves NO ONE. And this is what kids say to each other when they are being friendly...can you imagine what they say when they are using words to ACTUALLY put someone down! It is something very wrong in our culture today. I am in AWE at how well my son is doing at times while coping with this crap. It doesn't just make me sad for him, but all the kids of this generation...every insult and every put down that they throw at each other in this sudo-bonding manner when it is even in jest harms ALL OF THEM. They just are too ignorant to see it. So they are REALLY blind when it comes to the damage they are doing to another individual they are not saying these vial things in jest to. There has to be an answer, I just don't know what it is. I tell my son, you just take care of you walking through all this with dignity and respect for yourself and others no matter what...then you come across like a rose and will raise above all the others in time. The ones who see it will not openly respect you, but inside, they will KNOW you are better then the masses and will respect who you really are. And one day, when they aren't afraid to show it anymore...it will all come back to you in your life in spades...don't know when, don't know how...just know it WILL. GOD, I love my kid. He really does get it. But as his mom....this all infuriates me. OOOOPPPPPSSSSSS I ranted again!

Anyway, to be honest, I am also a bit blue at the moment because my very beloved business is NOT moving along as quickly as I would like….I keep hitting road blocks and delays on things and it is driving me absolutely out of my mind. I KNOW I am doing something top notch and so important, and I have been endorsed by so many professionals who know about it, but it is not translating into publicity or great sales yet. Plus, some new pieces are being continually delayed for me to get them to market as a result of other players involved and there is not much I can do at this moment to change that…so again…I’m frustrated and sad. Does that make sense?

I really appreciated your care and concern. I’ll be fine. “This to shall pass” as they say…I just must continue to put one foot in front of the there…literally…and deal with what there is to deal with, stay dedicated and make wise choices when I can. So I try my best to. Hugs to you…How are things in your camp? LFW

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 10/11/2007 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi LFW

Gosh, you certainly have more than enough on your plate right now. I do the balancing act too with my crohns, fibro, arthritis and B/P. Sometimes it is like a chain reaction. I guess that is kind of what you are going through with your fibro, leg, fatigue, frustration and blue days. (((((BIG HUGS))))) to you. sad

I hope things start to move along with your business. Feeling frustrated and sad makes perfect sense. You put your heart and energy into something and it doesn't take off quite as well as you thought. I hope things get straightened out for you and things could move quickly along as planned and you can enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Gosh, we all have our own struggles to deal with day in and day out. I feel your pain LFW. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts.

I thought I had it bad, but it sounds like we are going through basically the same type of things. My moods have been going up and down, I think because my crohns flared up and kept me laying low and now I think I caught a flu bug or something, so I am really, really drained. I go from being frustrated and mad to depressed and back in circles again. But I think my B/P is being aggravated by what has come upon me physically. (The chain reaction thing)

Well here's to both of us.....and many others out there that feel the same way we do....

Lets just keep hangin on!

yeah  


~Sukay~
 
Crohns Disease-Remicade since 1999, Methotrexate
Fibromyalgia & Arthritis
Bipolar & Panic/Anxiety-Trileptal, Xanax, Trazadone, Wellbutrin


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/11/2007 8:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Sukay and LFW:

It is like that sometimes: the frustrations just keep piling on. I'm sorry to hear you're both having a hard time and feeling blue. I'm glad you vent here. Where else would you vent? Be well.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 10/12/2007 7:49 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi LFW,

I have also been thinking about you and your son. There was a terrible shooting incident here in Cleveland on Wednesday. A 14 yr. old freshman who was suffering from depression/rage/abuse brought guns into school and shot two teachers and three other students before killing himself. This child has had problems for years, he didn't even live with is parents, he lived with his 19 yr. old brother who was in a gang. Social services has supposedly been involved, and he was expelled from school the week before for fighting. He was fighting because kids were harassing him and teasing him. I certainly am not drawing a connection between the type of child he was to your wonderful son....the connection is to the issue now being raised in Cleveland schools regarding bullying.

There is a large demand in Cleveland and the suburbs to get to the root of the problems in schools with fighting, etc. BULLYING SHOULD NEVER BE ACCEPTABLE. Children seen bullying or participating in any type of harrassment should be punished immediately. There should be serious repercussions for the children AND their parents for not respecting other human beings. Why don't school educators and policy makers see the connection between bullying and violence in schools? Why aren't the bullies held accountable for their actions. There should be psychiatrists and pyschologists in all of the schools to help children deal with conflict and to raise concerns before things reach a head.

The difference with your son is that he has a strong, loving foundation that is helping to build his self esteem and hopefully negate the effects of the bullies. He is so lucky to have your encouraging words and your loving arms to come home to!

Stay Strong!
 
Casem
New Bipolar Supporter


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 10/12/2007 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Casem,

The issue with the schools is not an easy one to solve unfortunately. It is rooted in the way kids speak to each other. Even as friends, so much of how they speak to each other is fraught with negative input and verbiage. They think it is acceptable to "give each other s--t", as a sign of endearment - it is sick...they don't even hear themselves. The problem is, when they say the same things to other kids...but mean it negatively, and use those worse to hurt and harass – it does great damage because in truth…it is all vial. The culture among kids today is so low, and they don't connect the dots as to how disrespectful it is not only for themselves and friends...but how it tears down the fiber and standards across the board to ALL the kids lives around them. They are actually damaging them selves as much as anyone else…they just don’t see it.

My son would never be a threat to others, as he has the proper support, help, and attention to whatever his issues are, there is no violence or weapons around him in his world, and he knows what it is to be treated with dignity and respect - because he is at home (albeit the challenges of teenage-hood - LOL). But it is the child either suffering in silence, or turning his pain to rage that you must look out for. Clearly, this young man in Cleveland was a recipe for disaster. Between living with a 19 yr. old - gang involved brother who would teach him nothing but violence to problem solve, to the parental neglect that produced him living at this brother's to begin with, to the cruelty and lack of empathy to his circumstances from him peers, and the looking the other way by the school staff. While I appreciate that he was disciplined for fighting, where was the follow-up outside of that for him? Where was the counseling? Where were social services to intervene to say that living with a "gang involved brother" was not in the best interest of this boy? Where was the court to demand emotional assistance for this boy who was showing him self to be so violent at school? It is no wonder this occurred.

Plus, when you do connect the dots with these kids…it holds for a day, and then they go back to doing as they please. They know better, know what they mean with each other…good AND bad….and we are all just “stupid” adults trying to restrict their growth and freedom of expression. In their youthful ignorance they are tearing down the humanity in them all. And the images they see on TV, Movies, electronic games…etc.- desensitizes them to drop these standards lower and lower. And in many cases parents are so overwhelmed in life, they look the other way too, because they can’t control every word out of their child’s mouth or it would be a war zone – power struggle – 24/7 at home. People are ALREADY exhausted. The solution is not simple IMO; it would require an entire revision of how this discussion is dealt with in the schools. They need to have for a few years, almost “group therapy” type stuff in classes to open the dialogue about it. Like one period for every kid is this. They need to make speaking like this unpopular; they need to teach kids how to have respect for each other, and themselves. They need to do the same with the parents in groups and start TALKING openly and telling the truth to each other. But there aren’t enough therapists to do a program like this for schools, and the schools wouldn’t have the budgets to pay for it, and people would not listen or take the time to do it. Currently, they talk about the subject in school, they show movies about it, and then they move on to something else. They say “0” tolerance, but they really don’t follow up that way. And because they can’t stop it, in the end, they many times blame the victim for being too sensitive, or having personal issues - as the cause of why they bringing this on themselves in some way.

OOOOPPPPSSSS…soap box over! Guess I have a lot to say on THIS subject!

As to me…thank you all for being so kind and concerned. I really am okay. It just is what I get to deal with. Some days just catch up to us all I think. We’re human, and we need a day or two to rest, hide, and then it is simply time to “get on with it” again; which I am doing….one foot in front of the other. The old saying…”this too shall pass”. And again, even non-BP’s deal with this. The difference simply may be that the feelings are provoked by external issues, vs. perhaps internal ones. Neither being better or worse…just what is. But we ALL have to cope with it one way or the other in a healthy responsible way regardless. And as I choose to work to be happy in my life as much as possible, I try to keep things in perspective. In spite of it all, I have much to smile about, and I choose to try and focus on that. Hugs to you all and thank you for thinking about me….LFW

Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 10/12/2007 12:43:25 PM (GMT-6)

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