oh Casem I can so relate to what you are going through. If I could hug you I would. (My earlier post was 'did I do the right thing') I HAVE SO BEEN THERE! And I can actually feel all that emotional pain. Even to the thoughts of dying! The pain was so much. I also understand the hurt with everything going on in your life right now. Before my bipolar boyfriend Paul I had an Asergers boyfirend, (when I first met Paul I tried so hard not to fall in love with him knowing his problems and because of my previous relationship but he always said I would and by the time I had found out about bipolar it was too late and I did!). I told this previous boyfriend that when my sister in law died who was suffering with cancer I would really need him. She was the last person in my life I was really close to. I had lost everyone within a matter of 3 years. The day she died he was really caring and took me straight home from work but the day of the funeral he left me on my own all day, didnt' even call and went to an internet party to see another woman! I wanted to scream and yell and just die. I couldn't understand how anyone could be so cruel!
I have finished with my bipolar boyfriend Paul now for 3 months after his constant drinking and taking meds only when he wasn't drinking and I have related these things to you just to say please don't torture yourself by trying to make sense of what he is doing or why he is hurting you. THERE IS NO SENSE! And that goes for the emotions too. HE IS ILL. His brain is not working like mine or yours. Whatever he says will only be for the moment, the next day it will be different. Accept what is. Nothing will change and you may never find the answers. If you keep getting hurt.. RUN. I too have had the manipulation and the hurt.
I accept now while he is drinking nothing is for real. I too have been duped by him. When I first split up with Paul he called me making out something was wrong so I went to him only to find he was drunk and wanted some company and comfort as his new girlfriend (a married woman who is going to leave her husband for him) hadn't text him. How could he do that to me? He also used to text me to say he really wanted to see me and other times he said he had been so close to calling me and he could have been so happy with me. (All the time while he is with his new girlfriend). He has also text me letting me know he is drinking all week (his ususal ploy hoping I will get him out of the pub). I still can't understand why he wants me in his life but I don't look too deep into it now and have learnt to accept the illness and keep my distance. Try not to ask questions that there are no answers for. It will only drive you scatty and you deserve more than that. You really don't need that hurt in your life. He has tried three times now in various ways to see me but I have put him off. I know if I see him it will only hurt me, and my health and happiness is the most important thing now. IT'S HIS LOSS NOW. I look after myself first thanks to the help of people on here. Someone suggested I read 'Co dependant no more' and it helped me stay strong and let him go. I can't help him any more. And I can't stop him drinking. Only he can do that. I let him text me just to let him know I am here as a friend and in case he feels down but otherwise I keep my distance and carry on moving forward. We will have blips (I had one last week, I let him get to me) but I have a night of tears and then the next day is a brand new day.
I am still here Casem and looking forward to meeting the guy that will be able to give me all the understanding and love that I need and I am getting stronger every day and starting to enjoy myself again. I will carry on waiting whether it takes 1 or 5 years for that guy and in the mean time I intend to enjoy myself and everything life has to offer. I really hope you will join me and do the same. We both deserve so much more. By all means give him your friendship but don't let him have your heart. Save it for the guy who can give you his back!
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 10/15/2007 12:22:25 PM (GMT-6)
Hey Casem, I am fairley new to this forum and I would like to give you my deepest sympathy to the accident you witnessed and your friend's husband.
I want you to know that you are not alone. I too have been disappointed by my own husband to the point that I decided to do what you were doing to micheal which was moving on and not depending on him to feel free to live your life. I can honestly say that I have been in your shoes, maybe not exactly like what you went through but something like it. My husband in a bipolar fit made sexual references about other women to me while sick and it got so bad that I felt disrespected by him and I knew that in order for me to be free I had to cut myself off from him. I took his name off the lease, and off some of the bills and even stoped answering some of the calls. I try not to take him too serious because I never want my heart to be manipulated by him AGAIN!!! I don't really trust him to be consistant, while not medicated but I know that when he is stabalized he is a great man. Now his is compliant with his meds, and stuff and I believe it was because I would let him sink right to the bottom if he didn't do it. I had to do things to him that I thought were mean for a wife to do; like refuse to give him what he wanted from me(money, closeness, conversation) I had to do this.
No matter how much you love this man and forgive him for what he did----never forget what he did and take it into consideration no matter if he calls you and apologizes. He would have to be a totally changed person in order to be safe for you. I say this because I would forgive my husband's offenses and decide to let him in the house or be around him with no real proof of change. I would desire his closeness only to be let down and badly hurt. He is an ill man and try not to take this personal because you reacted like a real woman in your shoes would have reacted if she found out what you did. It was an honest response. But you really have to take care of yourself because "You deserve it" you need nurturing and care and the more you do this for yourself---mentally he will start to dissappear from your mind. Next thing you know you will start to get your energy back and see goals being fullfilled in your life.