Need some support Today

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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/16/2007 3:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I am in a really bad state of depression right now.  It started Sunday, and last night became extremely bad.  I was on the phone with Crisis twice last night, and this morning I am having a really hard time getting ready to go to school.  I am still crying.  I am not well.
 
Yesterday I had another episode of vertigo, and symptoms of my bladder infection.  I had to leave school because the vertigo was so bad.  This all stressed me out so bad, that I basically had a nervous breakdown last night.  I am exhausted and deeply depressed today.  My bf and I got into a huge fight last night b/c of all of this.  We're okay now, but I am feeling so overwhelmed today.  In fact, I don't know if I've ever felt this overwhelmed in my entire life.  I don't know what is going on with my physical health, and it's all making my mental/emotional health extremely unstable.
 
I will try to get in to see my regular doctor today.  I just have so much going on this week.  The biggest exam on Thursday.  I don't know if I'm going to be ready for that.
 
Thanks for listening.  LFW-if you're reading this, I am going to try to do some deep breathing here in a few minutes before I leave the house, and then again when I get home.  More than anything right now, I am just so depressed and stressed out.  I'm in such emotional pain.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/16/2007 6:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Mogli:

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. The stress, the physical illness, the emotional instability, the unsympathetic bf (I am sending him big WAVES of bad vibes -- he gets very LOW bf marks) All these things are adding up to serious depression, and just reverberating and making each other worse. Talk to your professor very honestly, tell him or her what's going on, tell them you're seeing a doctor, and ask if you can take the test early next week. That may help take off some of the pressure so you can help calm down this week. Definitely call the doc. Cut out any unnecessary stressors, okay.

Big hugs. You'll be okay, I promise.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!


dutchie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 10/16/2007 1:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs

Take this hour by hour...you can do it. Like Serafena said....take some of the stressors out. Your exam....don't worry about it. Even without going into too much detail with your professor, I think most colleges have "compasionate reasoning" for missing such things as exams; and if you are able to get a doc. note, even better. So the exam thing....put it out of your mind. I know you are probably stressing about missing time, because you had perfect attendance for the first module. Again...don't worry....look at the marks you are pulling off. Of course you need to do your best to stay on top of things with your school work, but don't believe that missing a day or two means your educational demise...it most certainly doesn't.

Get your candles out tonight, soft music, warm bath...what ever it takes to have a relaxing evening. Keep things low key with your bf for right now, just try to enjoy some quiet time. When you are feeling stronger and better able to deal with issues...that is the time for that discussion. Right now it is about bringing you back to a more peaceful state. You will return there Mogs...but you have to take the steps yourself to get yourself there.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Keep us posted on how you are feeling, we are thinking of you.

Dutchie

Zomese
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 10/16/2007 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Mogli,
 
I'm so sorry you are down. You have a lot of stuff on your plate right now. That on top of bipolar makes everything soooo much harder. It sounds like you are very stressed out, and have every reason to be.
 
If you feel you are not ready for the test yet (by the way I have full confidence that you will pass), maybe you could take a day off from school if possible and spend 1/2 the day relaxing and 1/2 the day studying.
 
I wish I had more advice to give that could help you. Just remember that the depression wil eventually lift, as hard as that is to believe that when you are going through it.
 
If you need to chat, just post when you are available to be in the chat room.
 
In the meantime take care of yourself. Try to avoid anymore conflicts with your boyfriend, you don't need any added stressors.
 
 

Zomese

28 years old

Bipolar II, Panic Disorder, OCD

Seroquel and Klonopin as needed

-------------------------- 


 
 
 


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 10/16/2007 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mogs,

Sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time right now. I agree with all the prior posters about trying to calm yourself down. I hope you were able to get into the doctors today. I hope you will find the answers as to why your symptoms keep coming back. Do you think that maybe you need to let your pdoc know that you need more help with anxiety/depression?

Hope you are doing better.
~Sukay~
 
Crohns Disease-Remicade since 1999, Methotrexate
Fibromyalgia & Arthritis
Bipolar & Panic/Anxiety-Trileptal, Xanax, Trazadone, Wellbutrin


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 10/16/2007 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   

Mogs,

I am out of town until tomorrow, I am sorry you are in such a hard state.  HANG IN THERE KIDDO...this to shall pass.  BREATHE...you know me...focus on meditations and ride the wave all the way into shore.  YOU ARE SAFE...cradle yourself in love NO MATTER WHAT YOUR MIND IS SAYING!  Start with loving things for yourself EVEN if you are not "in the mood!!!!"  Remind yourself you are safe...because you ARE no matter what your mind is saying...OVER RIDE IT!!

I must run, but my thoughts and hugs are with you. LFW

 

 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/17/2007 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi guys,

Thank you all so much for reaching out to me, once again.  I'm sorry it's taken me some time to post; but I have been too depressed (and busy) to write.  I know I will feel better once this module (at school) is over next week.  I'll probably even feel better once this huge exam is over tomorrow.  Your suggestions to ask to write the exam at a different time made so much sense to me, but it's tough to schedule something like that at my college.  Our program is condensed so much, we're on a very tight schedule to learn it all in a very short time.  I think I'll do okay on the exam.  I've decided for this exam, I am just going to worry about passing.

I did get in to see my regular doctor yesterday re my dizziness.  She said that my nasal congestion and the change in barometric pressure are the cause.  I agree with that.  She prescribed some nasal spray and I have to stay well hydrated.  I had another dizzy spell yesterday and today.  Dutchie, you are so right about it bothering me that I had to leave school this week (with my perfect attendance).  It was really upsetting.  But the perfect attendance recognition is for each module, so I am sure I will achieve it again.  And I know that my health is the most important thing.  Really I haven't been feeling well (had a cold, dizzy spells, vertigo, bladder infections) since I started school, and so far have only missed 2 hours.  So I know I am doing really, really well.  Especially considering I am dealing with an overload of intense bipolar symptoms...

And that's what's really getting to me now.  These physical health problems are triggering depression, anxiety, mixed states....I feel so sick with my bipolar right now, and that's scary for me.  The arguement my bf and I had the other night is still in my mind.  I'm still hurting over some things.  Again, weighing on my bp.

Anyway, I have to go and get studying.  I am so exhausted.  Thanks again for listening. 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 10/20/2007 6:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Mogli,

I hope you are feeling a little better, and things are coming together for you. Please let us know of your pprogress when you can. We are cheering for you from the sidelines!


Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
 
Dx:  Bipolar I, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/20/2007 8:29 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm still in bad shape.  I've been in a severe mixed state for almost a week now; the last few days have been really bad.  Today I'm still feeling the same.  I am really trying to stay out of the hospital.  I just don't know what to do.  The depression part is really bad.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 10/20/2007 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Mogs, I am sorry you are hurting so deeply again. I am curious why you can not contact your pdoc and receive help from him in-between your appt. times? You are suffering so of late, and it simply isn't necessary if he/she is there to help and doing their job. I know you are very versed in what to do to protect and care for yourself during these times (a reminder...NO serious talks with bf...just light conversation or nothing at this time or it will lead to fights that are not necessary and will not support you pulling up out of this episode - as this is all that it is!). I know you already know, regardless of how it feels inside, that it is being caused by this imbalance, therefore, while it is crappy you have to go through it, there is at least this light that you know it is not really reality, just the illness. So my dear...back to the basics...BREATHE, RELAX, Watch a comedy or two, go for a walk, write in your journal, go have tea with a friend...bake something sinful, focus on a singular action at a time, keep reminding yourself that you are safe, you are loved, this too shall pass, this is simply the BP rearing its head and YOU will not let it win (regardless of how crappy you currently feel), keep reminding yourself that you are OKAY...which you are!!!!

I send you hugs...NOW BREATHE AGAIN...LFW

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/20/2007 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Mogli:

I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling. Call the doc. LFW's right. There's no need to suffer without help. And it's good advice to continue to tread very gently with your bf. Be very kind to yourself. Treat yourself as we would treat you. As my husband likes to tell me, "Be nice to my wife!"
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Ask me about my Bipolar Disorder!

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