How are you doing Mogli?

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loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 10/24/2007 10:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Mogs,

 

You've been awfully quiet of late...how are you doing?  Did you end up going to the hospital?  I have been thinking about you and sending you good thoughts.  Touch base when you can and let us all know you're okay and all about your "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" if you've had one.  We're here for you.  <<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>  LFW


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/26/2007 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   

LFW & everyone,

Sorry it's been so long, but this past week was all about finishing my second mod at school and so I had lots of exams and assignments.  It was stressful, but it's done now.  Today I am at my Mom's for a sleep over.  I'll go back home tomorrow.  It's total R&R today and tonight with my Mom.  Much needed.

LFW, how kind of you to put a special post for me.  I was definitely planning on posting my update today.

So, I do have really great news about my bf.  Last weekend when things were really bad, he was amazing.  Last week was so terrible.  I was definitely in a mixed state and it was absolute torture.  I don't think I've actually had such a hard time with symptoms before.  It was constantly up and down several times a day that week, from one extreme mood to the other.  So last weekend, I started to really breakdown about it.  Probably mostly b/c I kept it all inside all week; and being so unstable (and silent about it) with my moods was really starting to worry me.  So on the Friday night, I picked up my bf from work, and it was right when I started feeling my mood shift from feeling a bit high to crashing.  I was upset, irritable, and on the verge of tears.  When me and my bf got home, he sat me down on the couch and asked me what was going on.  I hesitated, then he reassured me it was okay, and he wanted to help me.  So I started crying and told him everything; how all week I was struggling and that I was really depressed.  He held me and let me cry in his arms, and asked me what he could do to help me feel better that night.  He also told me that he was sorry that I was going through this.  It all meant the world to me as I am sure you all could imagine.   I told him how incrediable he was with me, and how much I needed that.  He really got me through it.

So I also have a pdoc appointment on Tuesday.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  I am not going to forget that last week was so horrible even though this past week was better.  The Trazodone is starting to wear off at night, so at the very least we  may up the dose from 50 mg to 100 mg.  I was also in this past week to my physician for my full physical.  Everything went well there.  The dizziness has settled.  Hope it stays that way.

All in all, I am doing better, maybe a bit on the high side with my mood, but better.  Thank you all so much for thinking of me, and I'll be on HW off and on all weekend.

 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/26/2007 10:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much, Mogli. I can't imagine fighting through all that AND going to school. You're a real trooper. Keep up the good work.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/26/2007 4:25 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks serafena,

I'm just really feeling positive about me and my bf.  I've really felt more comfortable talking to him lately, that I can turn to him about all of this.  That is really comforting me.

You're right though, it does get overwhelming with being bipolar and going to school.  Sometimes it just gets to be too much.  But all of you know how that feels.  And that is also comforting for me, even though I wish none of us had to go through any of this.

Serafena, I hope that you are feeling better.  I really hated not feeling well physically on top of dealing with my bp symptoms, so I know how that feels, and I hope your daughter is doing well.

Have a good weekend...


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 10/26/2007 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Wow Mogs,

You have certainly hung in there! I'm glad you were able to release all that you have been going through with your BF. It's not good to hold things inside. I know...because I do it all the time and that is where I need to get better.

Anyway I'm so glad you are spending the night with your mom. Much needed rest and relaxation. Have a cup of tea with your mom. I just made myself a cup and I'm thinking of you. I'm still drinking the boring Lipton tea.

Enjoy your weekend.


~Sukay~
 
Crohns Disease-Remicade since 1999, Methotrexate
Fibromyalgia & Arthritis
Bipolar & Panic/Anxiety-Trileptal, Xanax, Trazadone, Wellbutrin


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/26/2007 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Sukay,

Thanks so much.  LOL re the tea...I just had mine, Mom had hers earlier.  Ah, I love that you love tea too!  Lipton makes yummy tea.

Yeah, it feels so much better to talk with my bf.  It really isn't good to keep things in, it feel so much better to get them out.  Thanks for the support Sukay.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 10/26/2007 10:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I love tea too. My favorite is the chai latte. However, lipton sure isn't bad in a pinch. I like it with honey and milk/cream. LFW

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 10/27/2007 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Mogs,

I'm really glad to hear that things are going better for you since you talked with your bf - it really does help to let it out and I am so happy to hear that he was so supportive with you - that's awesome!

I can't imagine getting through all that you are doing and dealing with the BP symptoms, it can't be easy.  I'm Agoraphic so I'm home 99% of the time, but even here it's hard to deal with the BP symptoms.  But it's so much harder for you.  I give you so much credit for getting through it all - it proves just how strong you are.

Keep up the good work!

Wen


Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety and PTSD
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Lexapro, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/27/2007 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Wen,

Thanks so much for your kind post.  Today I'm actually not feeling so well, it kinda feels like I may be crashing after being so up this past week.  Ugh, and to think of how mixed and depressed I was the week before....This is what is so hard for me lately.  I am so unstable.

I am thinking of talking to my pdoc about adding a stablizer when I see him Tuesday...Ugh, I hate the thought (I'm not a fan of the bp meds) but I feel I need to do something. 

I too was agoraphobic years ago, so I know how hard that is.  I feel your pain with that.  It's strange b/c I was at home for several months this past year before I got back into school and after a while, my bp symtpoms were worse b/c I wasn't keeping busy or getting out of the house. 

Anyway, hopefully the agorophobia is something you won't have to even deal with one day.  And hopefully I am not heading into more depression.  Tomorrow is my two year anniversary with my boyfriend.  I know it will be a good day  :-)  

 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


dutchie
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 88
   Posted 10/27/2007 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs...sorry to hear you were struggling again. I'm glad you have the chance to spend some comfort time with your mom. Enjoy it and be open to the natural medicine it will provide. I just went out with my mom and daughters the other night (our oldest is turning 13) as a little celebration. Although there was no indepth conversation...the time spent together was nice.

I hope all went well with your second module. Keep us posted on how you make out. Do you have a little break between mods?

It is strange but I am really just starting to grasp and recognize the way things overwhelm me. I thought it was just a me thing, but I'm getting that it is largely a bp thing. I was getting caught up in wanting to do all these good things to benefit me and in turn my life and FBF and the girls that I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. I was determined that these were things I needed to accomplish on my own. FBF pointed out that that was a wrong way to think, that I should be using anything and everything I can to help. So with that realization that is what I am going to do...and things already seem to be easier.

Anyway you have a good weekend!!

Dutchie

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/27/2007 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs, I'm sorry you're having such trouble. What stabilizers have you tried already?
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/27/2007 7:17 PM (GMT -7)   
dutchie said...


It is strange but I am really just starting to grasp and recognize the way things overwhelm me. I thought it was just a me thing, but I'm getting that it is largely a bp thing. I was getting caught up in wanting to do all these good things to benefit me and in turn my life and FBF and the girls that I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. I was determined that these were things I needed to accomplish on my own. FBF pointed out that that was a wrong way to think, that I should be using anything and everything I can to help. So with that realization that is what I am going to do...and things already seem to be easier.

Anyway you have a good weekend!!

Dutchie


Boy, do I hear you there, Dutchie. My husband gives me grief about this all the time, and with very good reason. It's kind of a catch-22. We're blessed with lots of energy for a while and great ideas, and then get zonked and wear ourselves out. :-)

That's the big picture, of course. But even the day-to-day stuff (which is what you're talking about, and me too,) is horrible. Why don't I let my husband help more with the housework or decorating or shopping or planning or whatever? Because I do it better. But that's not really true, and I just exhaust myself trying to be superwoman.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/28/2007 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Dutchie & Serafena,

Thanks for your posts.  The time with my Mom was so relaxing.  I do have one day off between mods, and it just so happened that this one was a Friday, so I've had a 3 day weekend yeah Aren't you all jealous?
 
Yes, I think getting as overwhelmed as I do (as most of us do) is a bp thing.  I really feel I have to take things in small doses, slowly...Which is hard to do when I'm feeling hypomanic with all these ideas, and energy.  That's when you gotta remind yourself..."Ah hello, slow down...." otherwise, you'll wear yourself out which can lead to crashing...It's definitely something to watch, so good for you both for knowing that.
 
Stabilizers that I have tried...Ugh...Valproate/Depakote, Lamictal, Topamax... Antipyschotics I've tried, Risperdal, Seroquel...I know I'm forgetting a few meds, but that's most of them.
 
I'm still not sure what I'm going to do when I see my pdoc...I'm not sure I want to go back into that whole med thing.  Yesterday was one year since I stopped all my bp meds....I just don't know.
 
But today is my anniversary with my bf, so I'm going to enjoy that.  I hope all of you are having a good weekend.  We had such rainy, cold weather yesterday, it was awful. 
 
LOL-Ah Serafena, of course us women do these things better, I have that struggle with my bf too when he offers to help.  At least they want to help though, we are lucky for that. :-)
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 10/28/2007 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mogs,

I am so happy to hear of your lovely time with your mom. And I am even more thrilled to hear that you have such a loving, stable, supportive bf. Remember, life is demanding and crazy and hectic and overwhelming for everyone, so you are doing a FANSTASTIC job of managing your bp and school without meds.

Yes...all women know we do everything perfectly and to let someone else help means we would only have to go back later and do it over...hee-hee tongue ! But seriously, life is too short...and sometimes the people closest to us need to feel needed. They need to know they can help us and maybe we need to let them help us once in awhile!

Remember what natural methods work best for you and always remember how important your pdoc is! Stay Strong!

ps....Excuse me if this is a silly questions, but "mods" is a new term for me relative to school...what does it refer to?
 
Casem
New Bipolar Supporter


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 10/29/2007 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Casem,

Thank you for your post.  It was very thoughtful and I appreciated it.  Thanks for the pat on the back re my school, bp, no meds...It's hard, but I guess I'm doin' it somehow.

I am hoping the communication with my bf stays strong.  There's no telling really when my next episode is, so I hope we can get through it together, b/c it was much easier that way.

Ah, it is good to let our loved ones help us.  Because we can't be superwomen all the time.  Especially with this illness, it is better for me to let my bf help when he asks, b/c maybe I could use the time to relax.  I'm going to try and do that more often.

I am going to my pdoc tomorrow.  I don't think I'm going back on the meds, but I will talk with him tomorrow about it. 

As for your "mods" question; which was not silly, I've never heard the term before...It's just like a semester.  I have 6 mods for my program, each are 5 weeks long each.  So I have completed 2, I have 4 left.  It's going by so fast!

Anyway, take care and again, thanks so much for the encouragement!


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--

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