I am in my third week of both Topamax (at night) and Provigil (in the morning) and my anxiety is through the roof. I can't get to sleep, I have so much energy I don't know what to do with it. I can't focus. I am worrying about everything under the sun. I am picking fights with anyone in my path, and I am talking a million miles a minute. I called the pdoc to see if I could get in earlier with no avail. I need to wait to Monday @ 7 pm, and I am going insane. I want to lock myself in my apartment before I p**s everyone off so bad that I push everyone away.
Even Michael tried so hard yesterday to calm me down. He sat with me and held my hands in his and breathed with me nice and slow. He asked if I wanted to go for a walk around the pond with the dog. I screamed at him for wanting something from me and being manipulative and started running down a laundry list of all of the terrible things he has done to me in the past.
My mom called and I started screaming at her (at an incredible speed) about my living situation and what am I going to do in February and she said she didn't think it would be a good idea that I move in with her. Even though I know that is true, and that I had come to that conclusion on my own, I screamed at her for abandoning me when I needed someone and leaving me with no where to go. After only a few hours of sleep, I woke up this morning feeling this incredible sense of guilt because I was so terribly mean to everyone. Now, I am at work, freaking out again, shaking and talking fast, not able to focus on MY JOB!
Could it be the provigil? Maybe I don't need it? I thought topamax was supposed to make you sleepy? HELP?
New Bipolar Supporter