Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 11/5/2007 11:37:53 PM (GMT-7)
I'm with LFW here, maybe it is time to consider trying something. You have been sinking deeper and deeper into the state that you are in. It's just hard to see you sufferiung so much, but try to stand strong in the mean time. Remember we are here for you should you need us.
I too agre with the others that have already given you their suggestions. As Casem said, YOU ARE WORTH IT and you must remember that. There is absolutely no reason that you should live as you are doing, you CAN be happy and ENJOY life. But you have to make it happen.
For me, going to the hospital was the best decision I could ever have made; but it was also the hardest thing I did. I was scared and wondered if this was the right thing to do. I did this in July, stayed there for 12 days, got on some meds, and although we have has a couple of glitches with the meds (which are bound to happen until you find what's right for you), I am doing better each week. If you could get on some meds and/or have a hospital stay you will start feeling better - I just know you will.
Think about it long and hard, ultimately it's your decision, but remember that you must take care of yourself so that you can continue on with your life and do the things that you want to do. Please keep us posted on how you are doing - we will be here to support you no matter what you decide to do.
A slip of the foot you may soon recover,
but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.
Thank you all for your posts, and support.
I know that I have been struggling for quite some time now, and I thank you all for being so patient with me.
Today I called my pdoc, left a msg with his secretary to try and get in to see him asap. I don't want to go back on meds, but I don't think I have a choice. I am going to do some research tonight, and I'll hopefully get in to see my pdoc soon.
The reasons I don't go to the hospital are b/c here, they admit you, and then they leave you totally by yourself until you are checked out. Seriously. They don't check on you, no one comes to talk to you, nothing. You are totally alone until you leave. So it is actually something that would make my condition much worse. Plus, I really cannot miss any school at all. But I understand why all of you suggested this idea to me. Definitely if it were a helpful place, I would go for sure.
I also called CMHA today b/c I was supposed to hear back from them/my support person, but I have not yet. So I am waiting for them to call me back as well.
Other than that, my bf has completely been taking care of me. This past weekend, he really made me laugh, kept me surviving. He has been so, so supportive. I'm actually finding that I am doing much worse when he is not here. He has been doing everything he can to help me get through this.
At the same time, yesterday and today have been so bad, that I feel like I can't even fight my symptoms at all. I feel like I'm lost, confused, and I am scared b/c...well b/c feeling this badly is scary to me.
Anyway, thank you all again so much. I need the support from you guys b/c no one else in my life knows exactly what I am dealing with right now.
I'm also with the others about taking meds. I know exactly how you feel. Believe me. Do you remember I had the seroquel for several months before I actually took it.
In fact I remember you being one of the people who were very encouraging to me. So now hopefully I can encourage you. Since I started meds as needed I have been stable for over two months. Actually better than stable. I feel normal again. I've only had one bad day. And it was because I was trying to go over a week w/o my medicine.
I believe you said you were going to talk to your pdoc about trileptal? I tried that and did very well on it. It just made me very sensitive to the sun/heat so I had to stop. But it didn't make me feel wierd or anything.
I hope that helps some.
28 years old
Bipolar II, Panic Disorder, OCD
Seroquel and Klonopin as needed
Since you took Trileptal...What did you find it helped with? Do you ever have any cycling or depression? 'Cause those are the issues that I need to have dealt with. My hypomanic states aren't as bad and don't last as long. It's the depression and cycling/mixed states.
So if you could tell me how it made you feel better, or why your pdoc/doc prescribed that to you, that might help me a lot.
Thanks so much. I know you know how I am feeling. And I cannot tell you how happy I am that you are doing so much better. I will get there...
Thanks Dutchie, definitely need those hugs...
Ugh, I just woke up, and I am still very, very depressed today. Ugh, I was so hoping that I was going to feel better today. My bf was amazing with me again last night. Seriously, he has been the best through this entire episode, which has been going on for weeks. I am so relieved about that. I couldn't handle us fighting on top of feeling this way. His support is just the most comforting thing to me. I have never had anyone in my life comfort me the way he is; or anyone be there for me the way he is. I am blown away. Even just thinking about it, is comfort. So I'm going to take those thoughts with me and keep thinking them throughout my day today. It's the only thing that is making me feel better right now; well that, and HW.
I really hope that I hear back from my pdoc today and from CMHA. If I don't hear from CMHA, I think I may just go there tomorrow afternoon.
Anyway, I have to get ready for school. Dutchie, what you said about school was true. I know lots of girls there who have taken mods off, so I know it can be done. I don't know how that works out for funding though. But it's just something I don't want to do b/c I just had a break before I went to school, and I really honestly don't want to take another one. I am going to try and get things under control so I can stay in school. I know though, that it is an option.
Thanks again for your hugs, hugs to you & FBF too.