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pityu98
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 132
   Posted 3/18/2004 9:42 AM (GMT -7)   
i am so **** confused and in total denial of the whole mess. sick of going to do one thing and doing another. meds both increased... lamictal to 25 mg and seroquel to 100... but not feeling any better. afraid to go out. afraid to even go to church for fear that people will see i'm not right, that i will cycle. all my plans, hopes for future are dashed. have to empty ira and hope for the best. but maybe i'm just lazy. fear and panic keep jumping in front of me. but then feel guilt that i'm making it up to not work, to be lazy. trying to get friends to understand, but still feel so alone. they haven't been here. neither has therp. don't want to go see her either. have appt. later today.
linda


pityu98
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 132
   Posted 3/20/2004 5:06 AM (GMT -7)   
laura:
got the bipolar disorder survival guide yesterday. read some of it, and david miklowitz does report things i'm feeling. want my friends to read it too. maybe then they'll understand what bipolar sufferers go thru.
linda


Socks01
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2004
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 3/20/2004 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Linda,

Hope the guide helps you. Just be as patient as you can. I will tell you that after 3 months of playing with my meds, think we may be on to something. At least I feel in better control of my emotions.

Here's to hoping you find peace soon.

Socks

cherilynn
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2004
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 3/21/2004 8:30 AM (GMT -7)   
so sorry girl, I know what you are going threw, I am the one with colitis and bipolor, am starting to have some better days, am going way down on the prednisone, but I am still rallying, I take  neurontin for that, sometimes helps, but I alway feel high, and I hate that feeling, lately Ihave just been taking the adivan to keep me calmn on all the pred but i think I can even lower that, how many differnent things have you tryed, are you good on meds, do you stay on them, Im not the best with staying on the bipolor ones,
As for friends, they are will never have a clue because it is not them, I have had colitis, almost died from it, they still think it is because of something I eat, and as for the bipolor, they think I am just a b****, that is something I have come to realize that people who have good health will alway take it for granted until it really affects there own body or mind, thats one thing n ice about finding this group, I didnt know so many people get it,
I hope you have a better day, I hope it helps to know I GET YA GIRL, write if ya need a friend,
good luck today

cherilynn

 cheri


pityu98
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 132
   Posted 3/21/2004 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
taking carbitrol for the temporal lobe epilepsy, effexor for depression, lamictal and seroquel for bipolar, plus assorted others for high blood pressure, gerd and various artery/circulation problems. just got diagnosed with bipolar a couple of weeks ago. keep saying i'm just lazy and stupid and so don't do things. i go to depressed side more often than manic. break down easily/sleep/can't move. house is a mess. don't want to talk to friends because, as you say, they don't get it. not sure who is me, or did i do all i've ever done because i was manic?? linda
linda


cherilynn
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2004
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 3/22/2004 3:06 AM (GMT -7)   
lyndia hey you not lazy or stupid, , when I am very depressed I dont even leave my room, I go to bed at 7, the kids get mad, then like now I can be manic, and I am up, its 3 am, cant sleep, donothing but clean, and I have found that I am the most creative when I am manic, I have been working on this one poster all day yesterday, but then I get very depressed again,
I have found that there are different levals of bipolor, triggers that will make it worse or not so bad, do you know your triggers, have you found what can make you feel happy or at least at a little more ease,
You hang in there, you are ok, dont let anyone else tell you different, I have done some way crazy things in my manic times, but then I see others out there and they are doing even crazier stuff, and they arn't, bipolor, so whats there excuse, just remember that,
take care, girl, write if you need too

cheilynn

 cheri


pityu98
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 132
   Posted 3/22/2004 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
latest turn of events has me both relieved and shakier. both therp and pdoc agreed that i should put in for disability. spent an hour with each today. this relieves at least some of the financial pressure i'm feeling. but then get hit with the guilt and self-doubts about not being ill. darn. wish messed up brain stuff came with a cast!
linda


Socks01
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2004
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 3/24/2004 3:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Linda,

Sorry I haven't been on for awhile. I hope the disability goes through for you. I know what you mean when you say you wish you had a cast or a any outward sign of whats wrong. It is un fortunate that we live with a disease that has so much social isolation attached to it. Try not to overthink it. I know that recently I have been on a jurney to determine if what I feel and do is organic(disease, BP II) or just sheer stupidity. Oh course, I know that it's disease but there is also the side of me that says, "hey, just jump up and do whatever it is that needs doing". As I type that it seems so hard to me to even imagine it.

Just keep posting and I hope that your case goes well!

Socks
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