OK....My last post somehow got stuck...I replied from work lastnight...but I didn't log off and shut down when I left...and it didn't get sent until this morning...I have no idea why...anyway....now I am replying again this morning....
I see some similiarities between your S and Michael's son who is diagnosed ADHD, but not bp. Considering Michael was just diagnosed bp, that doesn't mean his son isn't, because i do see many, many symptoms, but anyway.....
His 8th grade son is so intelligent and bright.....but his grades suffer tremendously for reasons that are so frustrating. He loves watching documentaries on history and science and could talk for days with adults on intelligent subject matter. His confidence is amazing. His personality enables him to get along with everyone! He makes friends wherever we go. We would spend so much time followig assignment notebooks prepared by the teachers, helping him with his homework, making sure everything was in the bookback the night before school, and he would just "forget" to turn in his assignments. Michael would yell and yell, and of course, his son would not take any responsibility for "forgetting" and start to scream and cry and say "all you do is yell at me, how can I think about homework". He would use guilt as manipulation, and then say "I am trying my best, I have ADHD. You guys put me on this medicine". 99% of his poor grades were due to missing assignments. His test scores were great. Anyway, when we did live together, every night with the boys was an emotionally charged argument over homework and the "gradebook wizard" (online daily report card of all assignments, test, etc.)
Recently, I am trying to encourage Michael to find a GOOD therapist to consider bp for his son, given Michael's diagnosis and his son's ADHD. His son will have major freak outs where he screams and yells and is so angry...he scares the rest of us....over relatively minor things. Unfortunately, b/c Michael's ex doesn't believe Michael has bp (she just thinks he is a lazy jerk), she doens't support the pursuit of a good therapist for their son.
You are such a strong wife and mother.....((((HUGS)))) to you!
I started replying to your post a few minutes ago and then it absolutely "poofed" away! I read that something just happened to Casem last night. I am going to wait for awhile and see if it comes up and finish it. If that doesn't work I will re-write it.
I will alert the moderators to what is going on before things get out of control.
Thanks for your patience.
I’m too anxious to wait around and see if my original post that I was in the middle of writing to you is ever going to show up, so I am starting all over again. :o)
I’m sorry that I sounded upset in my reply post back to you. I was not upset with YOU, I was upset with the situation that you were going through and how it affected you and what you had to go through to get through it.
I have told you in the past that I have learned SO much from you about what it is like for spouses/partners/family, etc., have to go through living with someone who has bi-polar.
It made me more aware of how my actions/reactions/symptoms of b/p and how I deal with my bi-polar, affects my family. You brought a lot of attention to me in this area because of your stories that you share with us. I was hearing things that my husband/family were probably going through with me but hadn't shared with me and it really made me want to improve myself and be more sensitive to what I was putting them through. So I work very hard now at trying to control myself.
I was explaining your post last night to my husband after I was done reading it and applying to it. I asked him if he ever felt the same way you do? He shared with me that, YES he does understand. He said there are times that he just leaves me alone…when I am going through one of my moods… because it is better to just stay out of my way… because he knows too that he will cause more harm if he were to constantly but in and point things out to me. So he says he just, yeah, walks on eggshells sometimes and tries to stay out of my way until it subsides. He continued that if he felt it was getting out of control he would definitely bring it to my attention and make sure I get in to seeing my pdoc/therapist ASAP.
After reading your post and talking with my husband, it makes me feel so bad about how my bi-polar affects those around me and how THEY have to alter THEIR lifestyles to DEAL with me. It’s just doesn’t seem fair to me and really saddens me. I was upset at how you had to change your life to accommodate your husbands moodiness and it wasn’t until after talking with my husband about your post that it caused us to talk about things and hearing I put my hubby through the same thing at times.
So see LFW, I am still learning from you. And it is helping my husband and I to talk more about how my bi-polar affects HIM. (Such a nice change from everything always being about me). It helps me to really try to stay aware of how my actions affect those around me and to take responsibility for that.
So I am sure your sharing is not only helping me to learn, but others here as well, bi-polars to understand more what others around us have to go through living with us and also how those who have to live with us can find the support in knowing that they are not alone and be able to share their experiences too. We all learn from each other.
Thanks for your truthfulness. I hope everything works out well for you. I know it has to be triple the amount of stress and even more since you are dealing with not only a husband who has b/p but a son that has b/p and ADHD. You sure are working hard to give a lot of support around your home and here!!!! Plus you are not well yourself.
I wish you nothing but wellness and peace all the way around.
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this - you have a huge burden to deal and I think you are doing the best that you can considering everything.
I have to agree with Sukay with the fact that it makes me see how my Bipolar affects my family. Since I have been on medication, I don't feel like the raving lunatic that I used to be (at least most of the time). But that isn't to say that I don't have the mood swings, because I do. My husband is a godsend to me since my hospitalization in July - that's when I was diagnosed with all these different issues including the Bipolar. I look back at my life and everything just seems to make so much more sense to me now - the moods swings, the yelling/screaming fits, taking off, doing things that I'm less than proud of (that part is before hubby and I got together). It makes me feel so bad that I have put everyone in my life through so much and I carry a lot of guilt over that.
Your husband and son are very lucky that they have you and that you aren't giving up on them; you just know when to step back for a bit and that's something that not everyone knows how to do. I don't know if you live in the US or not, but does your son have any sort of IEP (Individualized Educational Plan)? If something like this is available, you may want to consider getting something like that in place. Talk with the Guidance Counselor and/or the Special Education Department. This plan could address all of the needs you have mentioned - they would work with him to teach him how to be organzied, getting extra help in subjects he is struggling with, etc. These plans are not meant to make the child feel stupid and in most cases the child isn't taken out of the classroom. I know you said he's a smart boy, but right now it sounds like is under a lot of stress and maybe some extra help at school would be the thing to do right now. It's just a thought for you.
It's like you are talking about my son - so many similarities. disorganized, losing things, poor test grades, wouldn't study, etc. We tried everything to get him to be more accountable and to help him with his work if we could. Nothing really worked. He flat out told us that he hates the high school and felt overwhelmed with the number kids in the school and in each class.
If you wish to talk more about any of this, please feel free to email me and I can hopefully give you more information.
Also, could you email your recipe for the chicken soup to me please? My husband is sick and he has been kind enough to share it with me. Thank you
A slip of the foot you may soon recover,
but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.
Good Morning LFW,
My son had a learning disability where he could understand things audioally (sp?), like listening, talking and watching movies (my son loved the discovery channel and the history channel) but he struggles when he had to read papers or homework assignments and then write out his answers. He too never wanted to do his homework and kept forgetting to turn things in.
We talked with the teacher/staff and made some accomodations for him. 1. Any assignment where he had to read the questions and write the answers, an aid met with him and read the questions to him and then he answered them orally to her and she would write down Jeff's answers. He knew what he wanted to say but got anxious and confused when trying to focus on how to put it down on paper. Every test was given to Jeff orally also. For homework, I would read the assignment/questions to him and I did just like the aid did and wrote his answers down for him. He was also encouraged to use a tape recorder to answers the questions/homework assignments and the teacher accepted the tape every morning. That helped Jeff tremendously.
I would make sure he literally put everything in his pack pack. And every day asked him before he left for the house if he had it with him. Once at school the teacher would make it a point to ask Jeff to get his assignment out of his back pack. She knew we were both working together.
He did well, could hear things and understand (was a great listener in the classroom) he just struggled with writing everything down. It became very stressful for him.
They encouraged Jeff to use the computer a lot with all the spell check features, etc. and felt it was easier for him to get his thoughts out faster rather than writing things down.
His grades picked up wonderfully! He too is a very smart kid but he just struggled with getting his thoughts out of his head and onto paper.
Jeff also used the homework helper after school sometimes. But mostly, I worked with him.
Hope some of this helps.