I can't stand it anymore

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olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 11/11/2007 9:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I usually about this topic, but today I find that I think I need too. I am feel sooo depressed these days, that I can't stand it anymore.
 
I have not been this down in over a year, so it feels like a new animal.  I am functioning, but I feel like not at a full rate.  Half of the time I can't remember things, and feel numb to things.  I hate that feeling.  My sleep is a mess, but I take something which almost regulates it.  My appetite is low, and all I am craving is caffeine.  haha.  I feel like nothing I work on turns out, and everything I touch gets broken. I guess I needed to get this off my chest.  Thank you so much for letting me vent.


Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
 
Support HealingWell:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
"Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement."


nev
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 11/11/2007 9:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Olivia, I'm so glad you have folks here that understand and will have words of encouragement for you.

I am so proud of you for recognizing this now and not further down the spiral.

You are an ongoing encouragement to so many here, I pray that you and your doc can get on top of this one with a med change/add or whatever is needed.

You are an important person, and from what I've read here, you think so also.

-nev

Oh yes, I am from the fibro board and have read here lots the last few months, as I am caring for my BP friend to transition her from hospital to apartment. I have learned a lot from you and others here.

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/12/2007 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Olivia,
 
I am so sorry that you feel so bad - it just doesn't seem fair that you should feel this way after doing so well for so long.  Will you being seeing your pdoc soon about this?  Maybe meds need to be adjusted? 
 
You are such a great help to everyone else, just remember that we will help you and you know that you can vent any time.
 
I wish I could give you a big hug for real, but since I can't you can have these
 
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
 
Wen
Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety and PTSD
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Celexa, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/12/2007 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Olivia,

I am hangin' right in there with you hun.  Ugh, I am totally angry at this illness right now.  My episodes are completely out of control and I am angry that b/c of that, I have to go back on meds.  I am angry that a lot of us are struggling so much with our symtpoms right now.

I know exactly how you are feeling right now.  My depression finally lifted yesterday, and I got some stress lifted today, but I still feel like I'm right on the edge...I feel like this could change at any minute.  Totally unstable, totally awful.

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this.  My advice to you dear Olivia...Do something relaxing and soothing to help calm yourself.  Take things slow and take extra care of yourself.  I too lost my appetite, but try to eat a little bit of something.  Call your pdoc.  And if they won't return your call, take serafena's advice and go there in person and "park it" in the waiting room.  This is urgent. 

We are all here for you, completely.  Please update us and let us know how you're feeling and what's going on.  (((((Big supportive hugs)))))


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 11/12/2007 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Olivia
I am sorry you are hurting....just know we are all here for you.....just keep typing away.....there are a lot of people here to listen....

Does the weather have anything to do with it? I don't know about you....but where I am....this rainy, gloomy weather sends me down hill fast.....
 
Casem
 


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 11/12/2007 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Olivia, I am sending you massive HUGS and encouragement. Hang in there chicklet!!!!!!!!!!!! You know what you have to do to make it through this feeling. Take a deep breathe and don't FIGHT your reality in life. Re-accept this again and ride the horse in the direction it is going, then you can steer it where YOU want it to go. BREATHE....Remember; a feeling is just a feeling unless YOU give it more power. LFW

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 11/15/2007 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all your support, I am feeling a little better than the last time. I am going to see a new therapist and hopefully that will lift my spirits. You have all be very encouraging, and I wanted to thank you for that. I am hanging on, and not giving up. I feel more hopeful as the days go by.
Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
 
Support HealingWell:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
"Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement."


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/16/2007 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Olivia,

I'm so sorry to hear you're not feeling happy. It's just so dehumanizing, isn't it. But you're a good person and you'll be fine. Here's a ((((hug)))). Hang in there.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 11/16/2007 9:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Olivia, glad to hear you hanging in there and things are doing (at least) a little better. My fingers are crossed that the new therapist will be terrific for you. Keep focusing on the positives....it will continue to help. HUGS...LFW

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 11/18/2007 4:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Olivia,

How you doin? It sounds like most of us are in a funk. Maybe it's the shorter days and longer nights!

I hope you're feeling even a little better since your last post. I hope things go well for you with your new therapist. I know you had so much on your mind. Has any of those issues gotten any better?

I hope today brings something good for you!\

((((HUGS))))


~Sukay~
 
Crohns Disease-Remicade since 1999, Methotrexate
Fibromyalgia & Arthritis
Bipolar & Panic/Anxiety-Trileptal, Xanax, Trazadone, Wellbutrin


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/18/2007 11:51 AM (GMT -7)   
FLOWERS 
 
 
For Olivia -- I'm sorry you're feeling sad, Bipolar co-mod woman.
 
Your fabulous and deserve better.
 
 
    
 
 
 
 
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 11/19/2007 8:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,
 
Went to meet with a new therapist today, as usual he was a man but that's okay.  We talked for a while, but he is not going to be my regular therapist.  I am finally going to have a woman therapist, yeah!  I am still feeling really down, so we talked about things I can do to ensure me being and staying safe.  It felt good to have someone I just met care so much about my well being.  It has been a struggle, but I have been getting support from my best friend, and that has helped a little too.  I guess it has been hard not getting support from my family, they don't believe in BP at all.  I am still hanging in there.
Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
 
Support HealingWell:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
"Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement."


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 11/20/2007 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Olivia,
 
I've missed you!!!   ((((Hugs))))
I'm so glad that you got in to see the new doc. Isn't it wonderful when you can feel that someone is genuinely concerned for you? I'm glad too that he was able to hook you up with a female therapist. Great! I hope that all works out well for you. When is your 1st appt. with her?
 
I'm really glad that your best friend is there for you, but it's still crummy that your family won't try to understand bipolar or even believe in it. That has to be soooo hard!  I wish I could just wake them all up to the reality of it.
 
Well Olivia, I am here pullin for you too. I so want you to get back to feelin well. I hope the things that your doc shared with you about taking care of yourself helps.  (((Hugs...again)))))  smurf

~Sukay~
 
Crohns Disease-Remicade since 1999, Methotrexate
Fibromyalgia & Arthritis
Bipolar & Panic/Anxiety-Trileptal, Xanax, Trazadone, Wellbutrin


Thys
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/20/2007 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Olivia: Just so you know, I too have been experiencing some of your symptons lately, specifically the severe depression and, craving caffeine . It's a yucky spot to be in. But hopefully engaging like you are in this forum will help pull you through to a better spot.

bunnypucker
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 494
   Posted 11/20/2007 5:56 PM (GMT -7)   

im right where you are right now and i really do hope that you feel better.

 

bunny


Crohn's Disease Diagnosed 12/24/03 (Thats Right, Merry Christmas to me!)
Bipolar
Probable MS
 
Im 26 years old, and am currently only taking remicade, protonix and evil prednisone for my CD. am on quite the cocktail for my BP however: Geodon, Lamictal, Celexa, Buspar and Klonopin.
Im also on lipitor for high cholesterol caused by a prior BP med. im on fentanyl patches for pain also, and i take some meds prn for my allergies, asthma, and migrianes.
 
"We are all worms but I do believe i am a Gloworm"
^always makes me smile^
 
 
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/21/2007 3:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Olivia,

I'm right there with you as well.  I hope so much that we are all feeling better soon.  I am really getting tired of this depression.  I am glad to hear that you are getting a woman therapist.  I have exhausted all my options for counselling where I live.

Anyway, I am sending you hugs; take care of yourself right now.  It will pass.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/21/2007 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry to hear your family doesn't "believe in bp." For the longest time my family thought I was just bluffing. The first time I was in the hospital, my mom said some really nasty things about me to the tune of "she's just looking for attention," rather than accept that there was anything actually wrong with me. Without family support, this is exponentially harder. Since I've married into a healthy family, I see just how much more supportive a "normal" family is. I hope we can be your family instead. (((hugs)))
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/23/2007 6:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Olivia,
 
I'm just checking in with you to see if you are feeling even a little better; I sure hope you are.  I am glad for you that you are getting a woman therapist.
 
But I am so sorry that your family doesnt believe in BP, that makes it so much harder because of the lack of support that we BP sufferers so badly need.
 
You're a great woman who is always so helpful to others.  We'll support you and help you get through this tough time because we love and care about you.  Remember, you have a ton of support from the wonderful Healing Well Family, even though not from your own family. 
 
Gentle (((((Hugs))))).
 
Luvs,
Wen

Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Probable Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety

Meds: Abilify, Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER

 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 11/26/2007 12:35 AM (GMT -7)   

I can't sleep so I thought I would get on HW and give an update.

I am doing bad, and have considered going to the hospital a few times, but have too much going on to go there.  I know it sounds like an excuse, but I only have about 3 weeks of school, and want to try to finish up.  The problem is I have been sooo unmotivated, and my concentration is very bad.  And I also started a new job 2 weeks ago, and I freak out at the tought of taking time off.

As for my follow up appointment, I don't have one yet.  I am going to call tomorrow and set one up.  I had a call from the clinic on Wed, but it was too late to call back.  I really need to talk to someone soon.  I just feel like the smallest things are going to push me of the edge.  Boy I complained about my manic episodes, I think they are much better than this rut I am and have been in for almost 2 months.


Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
 
Support HealingWell:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
"Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement."


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/26/2007 6:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Sweet Olivia,
 
I am so sorry that you aren't doing so good.  I understand why you don't want or feel you can't go to the hospital now - maybe it's an option you can still think about in another week or two.  But in meantime, please do what you said you would do - make a follow up appointment.  YOu really, really do need to talk to someone and need to sleep.
 
Have you been unmotivated any time before?  If so, what did you do to get out of it?  I know you're really busy right now, but maybe you can take a a short time each day to do something you like to do?  A hobby?  If you do, maybe just 30 minutes or so each day will help-it's just a thought.  You probably don't have time and can't do it.
 
I don't know what else to suggest to you Olivia, but I sure hope that you can get out of this rut very soon and get your "normal" life back.  Do any of us have "normal" lives?  Please keep us up to date on how you are doing.  You know that we are here to support and help you in any way we can, even if it's just for you to vent.  We care and love you.
 
Many (((((Hugs))))) and prayers to get better coming your way.
 
Luvs,
Wen

Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Probable Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety

Meds: Abilify, Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER

 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


Jaim76
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 11/26/2007 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   
So sorry to hear all of this--I know the depression hits on and off sometimes I feellike crying for no reason at all--like I feel the world is caving in--but then I realized it isnt andcontinue on with my day-I hate feeling that way --it seems no meds can help that go away and that my family dosnt get it at all  mad
It's a rainy cold Monday here in IL.

Jaim76
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 11/26/2007 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I am also going to group 4 X a week for 3 hr sessions it seems to help.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/26/2007 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jaim,

I'm also in the midwest -- with this rain -- seems like it's been days and days. I'm really susceptible to the weather blues too.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 11/26/2007 10:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Olivia,

Hang in there my dear. Don't look too far ahead, just focus on the moment, the day, and get through that. With the new job, school finishing, new therapist...there is plenty of reason to trigger things. Just work to breathe and take it a step at a time. Be kind to yourself and keep your support around you. Do what you need to in order to TAKE CARE OF YOU. You will get through this. I hope your thanksgiving went well and for the next few weeks things can level off for you so the rest of the season is enjoyable. Just DON"T load too much on your plate...it is okay when things are rough to take it easier on yourself for a bit until you gain your bearings again. But...when you lighten your load, be sure to fill it up with POSITIVE, ENJOYABLE things instead of blank boredom that leaves too much time for you to spend in your head messing with yourself. Take care...LFW

Jaim76
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 11/26/2007 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
yah the rain and cold doesnt help much --going to therapy tonight and hear about my job status tonight ! Wish me luck !
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