I am such a mess right now...

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wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/12/2007 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi All,
 
I'm not doing so good right now.  I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and the Pdoc on Thursday.  Hopefully the Pdoc will adjust the meds and/or do new ones.  Right now I feel like I'm sliding backwards instead of going forwards an getting better.  I'm scared of everything again, I don't want to leave the house for anything.  Although, I did leave for about 30 minutes this morning to get my daughter some medicine.  By the time I got home, I was a mess.  If she hadn't need the meds, I wouldn't have gone anywhhere. 
 
My moods are all over the place, my anxiety level is through the roof - the Ativan isn't even touching it right now.  I know it sounds silly, but when my anxiety is high like it is now, I color pictures for awhile and it usually helps to calm me down.  It's weird, I know, but it works for me most of the time.  I've told my husband and kids to just be patient with me for the next few days because I just don't feel as good as I was.
 
I cry for no reason, I rage and want to just destroy things for no reason, I'm depressed for no reason.  My moods are just all the place and I can't seem to control them.  I'm trying really hard to hang on until Thursday, but it seems like it's so far away.  I just don't know if I can hang on for the next few days.
 
Thanks for letting me vent - I just don't know what to do right now.
 
Wen
Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety and PTSD
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Celexa, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 11/12/2007 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Wen, sorry you are struggling so. Here are a few suggestions...Breathe...look around and remind yourself you are safe, let your rational mind take over here and manually adjust when you see yourself going off. As to breaking things...have your husband get a big block of wood....you go in the back yard and take a hammer to it…Wail away at hitting the wood. OR, get a box and put some old dishes in them, tape up the box and throw it to the ground as hard as you can. Whenever this urge hits...pick of the box and throw it down again. You will gain the satisfaction of hearing all the contents inside the box smashing, again and again, but you A) will not make a mess, B) won't harm anyone, and C) will not break anything important. You can do the same thing by taping penny's in a can and throwing that to the ground, or just aggressively shaking it, as well. It offers another safe alternative. Lastly...get a punching bag if you need and use it for the aggression you feel. The idea of all of this is to get it UP AND OUT of you so you can gain control back in a safe and controlled way, while moving through the mood to get to the other side in responsible, safe ways for you and all around you. Hugs and hang in there...Thursday is coming. LFW

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/12/2007 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Wen,

Ugh, I am glad you are going to see the pdoc.  I think you had mentioned that you are on Lamictal.  I do know that med can cause cycling for sure.  So ask your pdoc about that.  That could be the reason you are "all over the place". 

I totally know what you mean about the colouring.  I am glad that helps you.  Use that during this time.  You will get through this Wen.  Try to do some breathing.  Take things slow.

We are here for you.  I can't believe how unwell a lot of us are on this board right now.  I think we all need to lean on each other.  (((((hugs)))))


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 11/12/2007 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Wen...
It's already Monday night....you see the therapist in less than 24 hours....and the pdoc in less than 48 hours after that. LFW had some great suggestions.....try some of them....

The best thing is that help is coming...you are getting it this week.....just keep breathing until then...we are here for you...even if you have to type it all out....we are here.....

((((hugs))))
 
Casem
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/13/2007 6:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your suggestions and concern, it really helps to know there are others who know and understand what I'm going through.
 
Mogli, you said that Lamictal can cause cycling.  I thought the whole purpose was to stop the cycling.  Were you on Lamictal at some point?  If so, how much was the dose?  I'm only taking 100mg a day now.  Do you know if this dose is increased, will I continue with the cycling?  Because if that's the case, then I don't want to be on it because I can't keep going through this.  My family can't keep going through this with me, it's not fair to them.
 
Does anyone know what other drugs are used for BP?  I can't take Lithium, because I became toxic while on it a couple of months agoe.  That was why I changed to Lamictal.
 
LFW, I will try some of your suggestions - they seem like good ones because nothing of value will get destroyed.  Thank you for your help.
 
Casem, I'm trying as hard as I can to hold on until these appointments, but it's so hard - if I could get out of the house without the Agoraphobia kicking in, I would probably just up and leave.  That's what I really want to do, but I can't.  Like I said in my earlier post, I feel like I'm slipping backwards instead of getting better.
 
Thanks for all the hugs, I really need them now.   sad
 
Wen
Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Probable Narcolepsy, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety and PTSD
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Celexa, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/13/2007 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Wen,

It states in one of my bipolar books that Lamictal can cause cycling.  I'm not sure if you could find the same info on the net somewhere?  I don't remember my dose, but the solution was to get of the med completely.  So, you need to ask your pdoc asap about this.  As far as I know, it is a fact that it can cause cycling.

Let us know how the appt goes on thrus.  Hugs.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/14/2007 10:31 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Mogs,

I will definitely ask the pdoc about it - I just can't keep going through this.  One minute, I'm a raving lunatic, the next I'm sad and depressed, the next crying and these all appear to happen without anything in particular causing it.

I'm just not doing well and I had a panic attack yesterday afternoon and couldn't make my therapy appointment.  I just couldn't walk out of the house.  I called him and while in tears, I left him a message.  He called me back later and essentially we had the session via phone.  I really feel like I'm slipping backwards with the anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, and the BP.  I hate this!!  sad    mad

I'll let you know what happens at tomorrow's appointment.

Wen


Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Probable Narcolepsy, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety and PTSD
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Celexa, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/15/2007 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi all - again,

I went to the pdoc today and we've made some changes - as I expected would happen.  The Lamictal is being increased to 150mg this and then up to 200mg the week after.  He's taken me off the Celexa and putting me on Abilify.  He thinks the Celexa may be causing some of the problems along with the fact that I'm not at a therapeutic dose on the Lamictal . The Ritalin and the Ativan are remaining the same.  He wants to see me again in a month to see how things are going and we'll go from there.  He wants me to stick with the Lamictal a little longer to see how I am at a higher dose.  I asked him about the Lamictal possibly making me cycle, but he said no and actually thinks the combo of the Lamictal and Celexa is not going to work for me.  That may be what's making me cycle so much.

Thank you all for your support and help through this; I sure hope these changes will help - we'll see.

Take care,

Wen


Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Probable Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety

 

Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Celexa, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER

 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 11/15/2007 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Wen,

I am sorry things were a bit out of control for a while.  I hope you feel better soon.  Hopefully the Lamictal being increased will help along with the Abilify.  You are strong, hang in there and keep us updated.  :-)


Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
 
Support HealingWell:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
"Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement."


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/16/2007 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Good news, Wen. I'm glad you could get to your appointment and the doc get you some new prescriptions. Here's hoping they help!


(((Hugs)))) Here's some hugging for storing up,

and I LOVE to color for relaxation!
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 11/16/2007 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Keep us posted Wen, this all sounds hopeful and positive. Don't forget to call him with ANY questions during this month. YOU ARE ALLOWED. YOU ARE HIS PATIENT. That is what he is there for. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that the perfect doses are just around the corner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGS...LFW

Casem
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 187
   Posted 11/17/2007 4:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Wen
I am glad you made it to the appt. and I am so glad to hear the meds were adjusted. Hopefully this is the perfect combo. Stay Strong!
 
Casem
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/17/2007 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   

You guys are the best!!!!  Thank  you all for the much needed support.  Let's hope this combo of meds is the right one.  I'll keep ya posted as time  goes on.

 

(((Hugs))) to all.

Wen


Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Probable Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety

Meds: Abilify, Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER

 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/18/2007 6:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I'll just add in more hugs and hope. (((hugs)))
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare

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