I am sorry I've been so out of touch. Things have spun completely out of control with my symptoms; I have no choice but to go back on meds.
I am not happy about this at all. I can try to think positively about this all I want, but it doesn't change the facts. The choice of meds really is extremely limited. The side effects are going to be horrible, and in the past, every single bipolar medication I have tried has made my depression symptoms much worse. I am not happy about this at all. But this episode of being mixed and severly depressed has gone on for months, and in the last month it has become down right risky.
I cannot continue like this. So when I see my pdoc Monday, I will let him know what med I am going to try first. I have to research this weekend.
This is not what I wanted. But, my relationship can't survive if things continue like this. We have suffered so much since things have gotten so bad. I have been so fearful that my bf is going to feel he can't live like this any longer. He's trying so hard to be supportive but the symptoms have become so powerful that both of us can barely cope.
I have been so scared the last two weeks; knowing that I have to go back on meds; fearing that I may lose the person I love the most. And since the symptoms have become so severe, I've not been able to cope like I usually try to do. That's how I know things are serious. I am always trying to do something to work myself through it, but lately, those things aren't even possible. The depression has been absolutely crippling; and the short times I feel better or hmanic, I crash harder than I normally do.
Anyway, I am thinking of all of you. I will try to be hopeful that I will feel better soon.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone
--Currently not on meds for bp--