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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/23/2007 11:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I am new to this board but I have been reading for a while. I have BP1 husband that I am seperated from. He is manic right now and it is pointless to talk to him. He is with his new gf (who packed up her 2 girls, left her husband and moved from NC to NY).  It all happend very sudden. we had been together for 10 years, married for 3 and have 2 boys 8 and 1. I have been there with him through his cycles and we have worked through most of them. Its funny I know more about his BP than he does. I know when he is manic, hypomanic, depressed and level. Well to make a long story short his ex gf from 12 years ago sent him a message via mypace and they started chattiing in the end of spt then in hte beginning of oct he said he needs to be with her and he is not sure why and its like he is obsessed with her. So we seperated. He flew down to nc in the beginning of nov to bring her up to ny and they have been living together since. So through all this he wanted to be freinds which I said I wuld try since we have the 2 boys but he changed his mind and said it is too hard. Which it is. Origonally he wanted to see the boys every other weekend but now he wants every weekend. He stops by to see the boys on the weekend but usually spends maybe 30 minutes with the both of them,  He trys to pick fights with me he has lied to everyone, his freinds, family about so many different things..I know he has about another 4 weeks left on his cycle and he is so obsessed with her that nothing matters. He says his children are #1 but he breaks promises to our older on all the time. He soesn't even ask how the little guy is doing. It breaks my heart becasue he went from seeing the kids everyday to once in a while now. I am just frustrated and this is the worst episode yet. And of course he is not medicated and he is self medicating. He has not cut off complete contact with all his freinds and since most of them are our mutual freinds I have an idea of what he is up to. I barely talk to him and mostly pass the phone to the 8 year old so he can talk to his father. He tells his freinds that he still loves me. He got mad that I am filing for child support. But I have to protect the kids. I found out he is in a finacial hole already but there is nothing I can do for him.  He has pushed me away and I am not playing a oush and pull game with him. When he trys to fight I am nice as pie and get off the phone quick. He needs medication but has to do that for himself. I don't want to be a caregiver and want someone that wants me. Only me. But basically does anyone else here find there selves obsessing about another person while manic?  What about poor choices? Do manic people remember everything from there manic episode? I just want some insight I have gotten mixed responses so far and any more insight would be greatly appreciated.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 11/24/2007 11:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, it's been a busy weekend with the holiday. Please hang in there. There are many on our board that totally understand what you are going through. I'm sure as things start to settle down they will be around shortly.
The only thing I can offer is, that I know for myself that when I am going in a manic episode, I hardly remember what I was like or what I did. But I never did what your husband is doing to you.
You sound like you have been a great support to him and know his cycles, but you can not be responsible for him being irresponsible for not taking his meds and self medicating and the behaviour that comes from that. (That is an issue he needs to deal with and get serious about!)
Stick around. Someone will be along soon to give you their opinions.
Crohns Disease-Remicade since 1999, Methotrexate
Fibromyalgia & Arthritis
Bipolar & Panic/Anxiety-Trileptal, Xanax, Trazadone, Wellbutrin

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/24/2007 12:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I know that I cannot control him. He has to make his own choices. And he did. I have kept a journal. Just for myself. I have no idea where I am going from here. I don't know if I can go through this again with him. Or if the children should have to deal with all this crap. He needs to see a dr get real medication. He is self medicating and its not working. While he is manic it is pointless to talk to him and I know that. Nothing I can say will help. He is obsessed ( he admitted) with his new girlfreind and her 2 daughters. I see our children hurting and it sux. I wonder if obsession is part of the BP? I have to do some more reading. The kids have no idea what is going on just Daddy is almost never around and i DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. Its sad but it needs to be. I only hope he gets help before he breaks the bond with his children forever.

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 11/24/2007 12:45 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome to the HW family and the Bipolar Forum, I'm glad you found us. I hope you find the support you are looking for here. There are a lot of people on this board who completely understand what you are going through. Things are little slow because of the holiday, and it's also almost the weekend. Please keep us updated
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
Support HealingWell:
"Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement."

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 494
   Posted 11/25/2007 4:31 PM (GMT -6)   

i an only speak for myself here but obsession is a BIG part of my bipolar. it happens more when i am manic and it happens hard. it could be about anything. im sorry you are in the situation you are in, i know it isnt easy. i do hope you can find your way through this.



Crohn's Disease Diagnosed 12/24/03 (Thats Right, Merry Christmas to me!)
Probable MS
Im 26 years old, and am currently only taking remicade, protonix and evil prednisone for my CD. am on quite the cocktail for my BP however: Geodon, Lamictal, Celexa, Buspar and Klonopin.
Im also on lipitor for high cholesterol caused by a prior BP med. im on fentanyl patches for pain also, and i take some meds prn for my allergies, asthma, and migrianes.
"We are all worms but I do believe i am a Gloworm"
^always makes me smile^

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 11/26/2007 1:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Jenn, Welcome. I can tell already you are one smart cookie and have a good handle on things. The main issue I hear from your posts is the effect this is having on the kids. Well, truth be told, your one year old will be fine because even if he grows up without this "bond", he will not know it any differently, your 8 year old is a different story...all you can do is tell him the truth about daddy being ill right now, and that the illness is interrupting his ability to show him his love for him. But that his father loves him deeply, and will forever, whether he can currently show it well or not. You are sorry it hurts so much, and mommy is here to try and hug and love the pain away, and you can both pray together that his daddy should get better soon. Legally, do ALL you need to in order to protect BOTH the kids AND you. Set these things up immediately. My sister, who is going through similar things, has not yet and it is going to MAJOR bite her in the butt soon. Remember, whatever debt he gets into becomes YOUR debt if you do not have a legal date of separation as his wife. It does not matter who he is with at the time. His debt also becomes yours as his legal wife. This is nothing to fool around with. I know this must be hard, but stay strong and DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOU and the boys. When he wakes up, gets help or anything else...he will have to clean up his own wake of destruction he created. You just take the best care of the boys you can and get on with your lives. LFW

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 11/26/2007 1:55 PM (GMT -6)   
i understand the manic phases we do things we do not truly intend to do and do not truly intend to hurt people but in the end we end up doing it. I too had an affair during a 3 month manic episode it was incredibly devastating and I may lose my job over it since it was withmy boss. I look back and cannot believe the things I had done and how it effected my family the ones that truly loved me. I fell into a trap of manipulation and getting out of it now seems impossible but I am trying. I am on meds and going to therapy 4 times a week and hopeful all will turn out okay in the end, I just hope these manic phases do not continue for the rest of my life and I can get them under some sort of control.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/26/2007 4:25 PM (GMT -6)   

Obsession may be a part of his bp but irresponsible choices absolutely are -- almost textbook, and dissolution of families are heartbreakingly common in untreated mania. You know you can't fix that, you've already said so. So I'll echo Olivia in welcoming you to the board -- if a little belatedly (sorry about that, it absolutely was because of the holiday) -- and also LFW in advising you to ask yourself how much more you're willing to put up with. A legal separation seems the best bet to me too, to protect your own assets and your children, in case he gets even more irrational.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare

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