Hello from a new and somewhat releived member

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/26/2007 2:32 PM (GMT -6)   
I've been looking for sometime to find a support group for spouses of those suffering from bi-polar disorder. I was glad to find this forum. After reading the rules and several posts, my story isn't much different than most every other spouse on here.

My wife and I have been married ten years. We have tw o children together, and one form her previous marriage. My wife was physically and emotionally abused as a child. She was diagnosed about three years ago after a suicide attempt. Since then we've found out at least one of her extended family members is bi-polar as well. I am aware it can be hereditary, aand find myself watching our kids for signs of bi-polar behavior.

We are still trying to find the right meds for her. She still suffers from sleep abnormalities. Our relationship is strained, but stable. I try to be supportive, but i am constantly torn between my co-dependant behavior, my fear of her, my personal failings, and my dissatisfaction with how things are. Everyday seems to be a new test of patience or decision making. Do I ask about her meds, her mood, do I wake her when she sleeps the day away, do I tell her to go to bed when she's up past 3 or 4 in the am. Do I tell her drinking doesn't help, do I let her have "a few to unwind", do I really think I can "stop" or "let" her do anything...?

Then there is dealing with the things she says or does that really hurt, or make you question yourself. No need to go into detail about that.

I know I can only control me. Its hard to figure out how to be. Her disorder has changed me and our family. We have grown terribly distant, and seem almost like two separate families in the same house.

I know I need to stand up for myself, to expect her to do her fair share, but at the same time be understanding of her condition. In the end, I'm committed to her and the kids. I may get so frustrated I want out, but I wouldn't do that to her, the kids or me. If you aren't ready to say goodbye forever, you aren't ready for divorce. I can't hardly say goodbye at all.

I say all that knowing there's no quick fix, no absolute answer, but to say I too an a spouse of a bi-polar wife. I feel your pain, I feel your need. I'm glad I found a place with people who understand.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/26/2007 4:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi goth-poser,

(I'll never be able to write that without grinning.) Welcome to the board. I'm glad you've found somewhere you can hopefully feel free to share your concerns and find support.

Sounds like you're definitely struggling with many of the same questions that many of our members are, and as the bp in my relationship, I hear some of the same questions my dh asks. I can suggest therapy, of course, which I'm a big fan of. I find an outside, professional perspective (or two or three...) to be really useful. Both my husband and I see individual therapists, which I have done for years and which he has done on and off. When my disorder flares up, I know I'm hard to live with. I don't wanna be around me, why should anyone else? So sympathy and tea all around, and come on in...

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare

olivia of course
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 11/27/2007 11:10 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome to the HW family and the Bipolar Forum, I am glad you are here. There are lots of people on the board whom you'll find helpful, especially relating to relationships. Again welcome and keep posting.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
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