I am sorry that your depression has returned again. I totally understand, the mania I can deal with, it's the depression that messes me up. I am also sorry that your meds are not working out for you yet again. I hate withdrawl symptoms too, they are a terrible thing to go through, hang in there whatever you decide. I know what you mean about the bizarre thoughts or the desire to run away, I used to get them all the time. Especially when I was either severely depressed or I was manic, never in between. You should try to talk to a doctor, or someone that can help you at the soonest possible time. I am not sure of the system in the UK, but you might be able to get something done. You can't suffer in silence, it has been going on for too long.