In a nutshell, I have been somewhat trying to avoid my family for the last 6 months because I am tired of feeling like odd family out. What I mean is that it is like they have a club, and me and mine, are not allowed to "really" be a part of it. I have 3 sisters, two brothers (one of which has passed away), and a cousin who is like the 4th sister given that she is the only child of my mother's identical twin and we were raised all together. Anyway, one sister did something to my extended family about 2 years ago and has NEVER apologized for it to the people she wronged, nor acknowledged that what she did was wrong even (she spent the evening insulting and treating my H 85 year old disabled aunt as if she was in her way and wouldn't move fast enough to suit her, and treated my H cousin [and my best friend who was in from England] with utter distain and yelled at her and called her a b**** to her face as if she were the most disgusting person - and she had done NOTHING!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention calling my children brats and my oldest a piss-ant.) So, after giving her every opportunity to make a mends to all, and telling her that it would sever our relationship, she opted for the sever because she never made it right. And mind you, the whole thing was witnessed by the rest of the family and ALL told her she was wrong from what she had done and that she needed to apologize. She has steadfastly refused. SO, what is left is a brother who we ALL barely see, 2 sisters (one I used to be very close to), and our cousin-sister.
So this last summer I put in a concerted effort to spend time with each of them. Only, regardless of my efforts, could not manage to get any of us together. But upon gathering as a universal family for this and that, would listen to how they all were getting together individually for the beach, amusement park, spending the day with the kids by the pool....etc. But, never asked us to join them, never accepted any of my invitations to go do things...etc. So, I finally decided to let go and stop trying. So be it, they were not interested in me and mine being a part of them.
Well, last night was our universal family gathering for Hanukah at my cousins house. And once again, I walk away feeling rejected, excluded...etc. I AM SO SICK OF THIS. I went because I don't want my issues with my siblings to affect my kid’s relationship with their cousins. They love their cousins so much. But what I had to deal with was listening to my cousin tell me how she does not want my daughter to ever stay at her house again because she whines and was too much work, she has so much energy and doesn't stop talking (my daughter is 6 and idolizes her cousin who is 9), and she has stayed ONCE in her whole life (I should mention that other than my family....EVERYONE loves my kids...my daughter is amazing and not just because she is mine. Or my older sister who is going on a cruise with her husband and complaining she had no place to have her son stay except with a step grandmother who lives 10 minutes from us because our mom was going on the cruise with her (BTW, he'll have NOTHING to do and be BORED silly - mind you) - it never occurred to her to even ask us to have him stay the weekend with us. My older son would have LOVED time with his cousin (they are a year apart)....but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that wasn't even a thought apparently to them. Or my younger sister complaining she needs a sitter for the next two nights for HER son, and I have already offered if she ever needed the help we are here to help her....but again..... NOOOOOOOOOOO not a thought in her head about asking me. These little blatant in your face shuns went on and on throughout the night with each one of them in one way or another, while I listened to how they each got together for this and that over the last 6 months. I couldn't wait to get the heck out of there and then came home SO depressed and frustrated. My mom watches all this go on and says they are all so ridiculous...it is so clear how the don't get who I really am and it is their loss. They seem to have tolerance and space for each other, but not me and mine. I am close with my mom - and if I am around them for any reason and my mom is not, all they do is rag on her. They are nuts....I am not blind to her faults, but she is a wonderful loving supportive woman who we would all be lost without. She has never done anything to not have our love and respect. She does SO much for all of us. Shame on them.
AUGH....I HATE FAMILY GATHERINGS! My H didn't come last night because I didn't want to have to subject him to this, so I told everyone when asked that he had to work and apologized that he couldn't make it. I hate that I come home from what should be a loving time and feel pummeled by the blatant exclusion feeling I get from them all. I would NEVER think to complain about their kids to them, never make them feel unwelcome. It's SO sad to me. I guess I will just have to accept being bummed about it for a day or two and then once again, I will just let it go and move on. I'll lick my wounds and carry on in my life without them being a part of me. SO sad really. Thanks for listening all!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice to get it up and out. LFW
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 12/10/2007 4:27:00 PM (GMT-7)
Bipolar IIIt is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare
BIG WARM HUG FOR YOU, LFW
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 12/14/2007 1:58:21 PM (GMT-7)