Forgive me, I REALLY don't mean to be insensitive here....but....what are YOU getting out of this relationship? It does not sound like much. From what you indicate, she is verbally abusive to you on a whim, she is selfish about her time - spending habits - and nurturing skills, you work full time to pay for everything and get nothing, and she lounges and does as she pleases. Then, confronting the BP...you are not her partner, you are shut out. You have no kids to tie you to this situation....so either I am missing something in this picture that has not been shared, or you get something out of this kind of relationship neglect. And so you understand where I am coming from....I am a spouse to a BP of 16 years, with 3 kids. I get the difficulties, but I can honestly say that at least my spouse and I are partners in his wellness. I demand that or I am out. He knows that. But what you are also describing is not just a BP issue. Do you REALLY not like conflict to the point of allowing yourself this level of abuse? Don't mean to be harsh, but I don't think I would serve you to just say sorry to your situation. I remember it said once, that we teach people how to treat us...well, okay, with BP; it does add a few new issues into that equation, but how have you taught her to treat you here with your passivity? A person with BP, unless they are at the point of needing hospitalization, is STILL capable of being responsible (IF they choose) to their behavior. Where's her responsibility here, and is this the life you REALLY want? Is this the situation you would want to bring kids into? Who would be there to nurture them while you are working so hard to pay for everything?
Good luck to you, I know I brought up a lot of things, but sometimes the focus needs to be more on the spouse, not on the BP themselves. I suggest this is one of those situations....LFW
Bipolar IIIt is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare