And how will we be dealing with the holidays?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/22/2007 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Tomorrow my in-laws arrive (whom I adore, for the record.) I also have to work tomorrow and on Christmas Eve -- retail jobs are No Fun at Christmas-time. (I bet most of you already know this.) So I've got a little stress coming my way over the next couple days. And I'm sure you do too. I just thought I'd start a thread asking how we might think about maintaining our stress levels before they reach boiling points over the next week. I've gotta be honest-- I'm at a bit of a loss. I've been working hard all week long and I've already gone through my bag of tricks. So I'm looking for some ideas.

I'll start with some deep breathing and time-outs in my bedroom if I need them. Sometimes a quiet few minutes in my bedroom to center myself really helps.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 12/22/2007 9:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I have looked in advance to see what I can eliminate on my "to do" list that REALLY doesn't seem to matter to anyone else but me. Then, I have told my H & the kids exactly what the schedule is for the next few days, so there are NO surprises for any of us. I have told them we are NOT deviating from our plans. And I am BREATING A LOT! I have a big x-mas eve dinner to prepare for, with 14 people coming to my house....(Menu - shrimp cocktails, traditional Cesar salad, prime rib w/ au jus sauce, fresh Yorkshire puddings, creamed spinach & fresh garlic mashed potato's...and for dessert - Hot English Toffee cake w/vanilla bean ice cream & a big wedge of the best English toffee in the world from a specialty shop in L.A.). My H has informed me that this is x-mas and he does not want to work, he wants to enjoy himself.....GREAT! I guess mama-Dobby the house elf will just get to WORK then!!!!! LOL

I have noticed that the holidays for moms don't seem to be relaxing as a universal rule of thumb, BP or not. It feels like we women seem to do most of the work...at least in my neck of the woods anyway. I bought all the presents, wrapped them all, wrote the Santa letters, organized the calendars, arranged the play dates, got the theatre tickets for the holiday shows, and now have x-mas eve dinner to shop for, prepare and serve. (I will say H is decent (not brilliant mind you) on clean up crew - albeit not prep crew!) I find after New Year's is when I can collapse and stop moving for a day or two once all the kids go back to school. And then I can sit back and take in all that occurred over the previous weeks. Then come next year, I'll get to listen to how my H has not yet achieved the magical x-mas he so desires, how disappointing it always is for him...it is never turns out to be what HE wants – his fantasy of how it should all be and feel, which I have yet to succeed at for him. Guess mama-Dobby must work HARDER!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Only half of me is kidding!!!!!!!! LOL But I love him, so I keep trying. I guess I view the holidays as a lot of work, so I put my head down and "get it done". For those of you reading...YES, somewhere in here I have fun too, but BOY is it A LOT of work! I do love entertaining, and having dinner parties (I like to cook for people). Just wish I had a better helping staff that didn't whine during the process so much. I know as my kids get older, it will get easier too.

Oops, guess I had more to say than I thought...thanks for listening and letting me vent! LOL LFW

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 12/23/2007 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow! LFW,

You've got a lot of work ahead of you, but from what you wrote, everything in under control. 14 people that's a lot of people to entertain, but you will be fine. So what time is dinner, your list of dishes made me hungry. Like you said do a lot of breathing, and go with the plan you wrote down.

I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas.
Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/23/2007 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
That menu is to die for, LFW! Wow! Sounds fabulous.

I know exactly how you feel about being Momma/Dobby/Mrs. Claus. I really do. It's never equal amounts of work. I came home from work to a dirty kitchen, which I'd purposely cleaned before I'd left -- in-laws arriving later and all. I wanted to hurt people. I didn't. He's lucky. tongue

Stress management techniques, wasn't that what this thread was about? Forgetting about the small, meaningless things and managing stress? I'll let it go.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 12/23/2007 6:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Stress management technique 101....VENTING that is heard and understood by another!!!!!!! LOL...works for me :-) LFW

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 12/25/2007 10:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Awesome thread Serafena..I am so not looking foward to a few things over the next several days.  It's my bf's birthday on Sunday, right before New Years', so we have to go out for that on Friday night-lots of people, late, late night.  I feel so bad 'cause it's his birthday, but I hate social stuff so much.  It makes me so uncomfortable.  The same for New Years'...we have to go out, lots of people, late late night.  Ugh, I am getting so anxious just thinking about all of it.

There's not much I can do about it either.  I have to go to these things, and it's going to be hard.  I can do breathing, but really, that's not going to make me feel any less uncomfortable.  I hate being around a lot of people.  It's the worst thing for me. 

Anyway, don't mean to be such a downer; you all had such positive, productive things to say...


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
.5mg Clonazepam, 50mg Trazodone & Lamictal 25mg/day..working my way up


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/25/2007 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
No no, this is good. Get it out, Mogli. Let's talk preparation. You know you hate these kind of parties. (I hate those kinds of parties!) Here're some things I sometimes do to prepare.

One thing I do is to think about what I will wear in advance, naturally -- because I hate to feel physically uncomfortable. If I'm comfortable, that makes a lot of difference. Wear whatever makes you feel the prettiest but not something you know is going to make you spend the whole night tugging and wondering about zippers and cleavage and so on. Another thing I like to do is to have a real friend in tow besides my dh. Is there anyone you can ask to come along who you REALLY get along with, someone you LIKE? You can form a little posse, a protective little circle against the hordes. Finally, if I start to feel overwhelmed, I head straight to the women's room and take a breather. Put a scented hankie in your purse with a soothing scent -- something calming so you can close your eyes and take a time out. Sounds a little weird, but it works for me.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/25/2007 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
By the way -- note that it's Christmas and I'm upstairs taking a break by typing and being alone for a little while. :-)
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Bipolar II
It is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness. -- William Shakespeare


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 12/25/2007 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Serafena,

You probably needed the break away from family, I am glad that you took time for yourself. I hope everything went well.
Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar


Mr.T
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 12/25/2007 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Well, Merry Christmas to everyone.  Mine was yesterday and a bit hectic, but made it through. I went to Bank's Christmas recital and spoke to M about keeping the kids from me and we came to a short term agreement.  He was so cute up there and when he saw me he ran and lept off of the stage into my arms. It was absolutley the best feeling one can have.  It had been a month since I saw him and Bem. Then M brought Bem out from the school yard.  My little princess had such a big smile and she clumsly ran to me. Oh my heart.  Please God don't let him take the kids away again.  It would kill me, but I have to accept the fact I am in Thailand and the rules are differen't here.  Well as what we agreed I go the kids Christmas eve. I was I was sooo happy to get my kids Christmas eve. We stayed up playing until 11.  Uhhhh.  Wrong move there, but I got them to sleep in about 30 minutes so not too awful bad.  Then I had to wait a bit until Santa brought down all of the gifts.  I didn't get to sleep til after 1am and up at 7am.  Not easy, and to my suprise the kids slept til 9.  If I only knew.  Once everyone was up it was a field day. Wrapping paper everywhere.  I think I got some good pictures.It lasted about an hour then it was time to figure out all of the games.  Not easy, I must say.  I started cooking around  3 and we well some of us ate at 6pm.  Not very traditional. Some were swimming others just chatting.  Kind of upset me to fix a big dinner and not get everyone to eat at the same time, but I just kept it to myself, ate and then watched tv in the main living room. Eventually everyone ate.

It did get a bit hectic at times, but I think I held my cool(and tongue) pretty well.  We had 3 families with a combined 7 children under 5 stop by to get some gifts and they had a bbq.  It was fun to see, but that got on my nerves after awhile. Luckily there are only a few holidays we have to do this.  The smiles and laughter were really worth it in the end.

The biggest thing that pushed my blood pressure through the roof is work calling all day.  They know it's Christmas for me and still managed to call 1 too many times. Anyway, today is a new day.  I hope that each and every one of you have a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy and Healthy New Year.


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 12/26/2007 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you serafena for your advice.  I am taking an HW break as well.  I think I will use some of your tools for these upcoming events.  My girlfriends are busy, but I can rely on some of my bf's friends who make me feel comfortable.  And the smell/scent thing...Definitey think that will help--Thank you.
 
I am proud of all of us for getting through the holidays-BRAVO everyone yeah
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Trazodone 50mg/day & Lamictal 100 mg/day


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 12/26/2007 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Merry POST Christmas to all!

My x-mas eve dinner party went off beautifully.  Food was divine and I was quite relaxed all the way through.  Being that organized REALLY helped this year.  I even had time to shower and change and do my hair and make-up prior to everyone arriving.  It was great!  My mother asked to stay over and have x-mas morning with us, and my H went along with it without any negative comments to me in private about that.  I LOVED THAT!!!!!!!!!! 

The ONLY negative thing in the whole few days is that my back has gone into a very severe pain and I am nervous I did something.  I am back on my pain killers.  I am hoping that it is nothing and will loosen up again.  But my spine doc told me that my disc at L5/S1 is shrinking more rapidly then he would like...SO...I'm nervous.  But, I am doing all the things I have been trained to do to take care of me during this, I'm doing my exercises, my stretching, and taking my medication and using the heating pad.  Hopefully when I see my rehab doc next week, I'll be better.  I'd call her now, but she is out of town until then.   If it doesn't improve, I'll also try and get into the spine doc earlier than my next appointment in late Feb. 

Anyway, I wish you all a relaxed week and a Happy healthy NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!  LFW


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 12/27/2007 6:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,

Family, aaagh!!! I think I got too much family this holiday. There were not too many people, but it still seemed crowded. It made me wish I was miles away. Sad but true, hopefully it will be better in the future.
Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 12/27/2007 9:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I find that the chaos, regardless of how many members are present, depends greatly on the overall behavior of the collective group as a whole. IF they are in their DRAMATIC-OVER REACTING place...it is an completely awful experience, and when they are in a laid back calm place...it is pleasant and not overwhelmning. I suppose I come from a highly dramatic expressive family, so it is the rare moment it is collectively pleasant. So believe me....YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Another reason I am on break from them ALL whenever I can be at the moment. HUGS, LFW
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 03, 2016 9:06 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,389 posts in 301,013 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151175 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, melissapsa.
279 Guest(s), 11 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
PeteZa, desert bound, Ides, Gear, mbisoux, Hawaii3654, poohcheez, bdavis, BostonMarigold, LymeMother, julymorning


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer