I understand what you are saying... The thing is... because my boyfriend has an illness that has only just taken him 15 1/2 years to come through and has now came back, he needs to see doctors and councilers on his own or at least with his mum and family... we have broken off our relationship for the time being and are not aloud to see, speak or find out how each other are doing so we can consentrate on getting ourselves sorted. Even when I was younger, before my mum died, I used to cope with a number of things alone and that is why I hid from it all of these years, believeing to myself I can cope alone. I parshally blamed myself for my mums death anyway, as the last words I told her as a 12 year old kid, were "I HOPE YOU DIE!" as I couldn't get something I wanted. Now I sit here and think and worry about
the last 6 years. I sit here now while it plays on my mind, unable to deal with anything myself, sitting here crying now as I regret everything I have done over the last 6 to 7 years... knowing that this may be mine and my boyfriends time over for good (loosing him is gonna hit me so hard!!) knowing that I can never see my mum face to face again... all the hard things that have happened over the last 6 years... them all pilling up over time and just exploding out at me all at once... this is why so many time I have just given up, cut my self, running away to find a way to kill myself... because I know for a fact that I can't cope with it any more!!!!!
About Me: My mum died of cancer when I was 12, Don't get on with Dad and Sister, Held all my emotions, grief and feelings in for 6 years and now need to explode because I can't cope any longer!
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