only forum with the word "Cancer"

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AuSsieG1rL
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 62
   Posted 10/16/2004 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know how to react, how to show emotion to the news I received from my parents today.  My grandfather on my dad's side has Liver Cancer.  This December-- December 2004 he will be 94 years old.  Janny-- his wife my grandma and my uncle his son Bill hasn't and isn't going to tell him until Monday.  He had surgery the other day to remove what docs had thought was a benign tumor in his intestine or somewhere, only to find out that it was actually malignant.  The surgery to remove it was a success and my grandfather told my uncle that he will live until he's 100!  Docs have told that he can live 2 more yrs. comfortably or 5 years with intensive treatment that may not be quite as comfortable.  He has one other brother adn was 1 of seven in his family (g-pa's family).
 
Now.... you are probably thinking why am I having such a problem with I guess you could say dealing with the news.  It's because not only did I get hit with that news but my grandma on my mom's side has been an Alzheimer's patient since fall of 1999, my maternal grandpa died of it in 1998.  Also, a dear, close, ex-teacher, my confidant, friend has been banned to go back to work (school teacher) until January of 2005 by her doc(s) orders-- laymen's terms she is practically having a mental breakdown.  I saw her for the first time in about a week and a half today and you can tell by just looking at her that she's about to break.  I'm worried about her b/c I found out that she has done something that just isn't her and for the most part I've done for a long time but recently, hopefully, have quit.  In a good way not being able to go back to school for the rest of the semester (9 weeks) gives her time to get better and to end the mental breakdown; however, the bad is that they will have to live on just her hubby's income until she is allowed to go back to school.  I don't know. 
 
How am I suppose to feel anymore.  How am I suppose to show emotion yet be strong for all of my loved ones who have been afflicted with somesort of disease?  HELP???

MNlady13
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2044
   Posted 10/17/2004 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,

I am sure sorry that you are going through all of this right now. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate all at one time. I am really sorry about your grandfather's liver cancer. Grandparents are such special people in our lives. IMHO, I think it is important that he be told about his condition and given the treatment options. Control over treatment should be left in his hands. The decisions should be his. While I know it is terribly sad to think about losing him to cancer, you have been so fortunate to have this special person in your life for so long. At 94 he has certainly exceeded his life expectancy. I think maintaining comfort, dignity and control in the final months and years are important considerations for him and the family in dealing with the cancer.

Alzheimer's is a terrible disease to cope with for family members, and it is so sad that your grandmother has it. Try to enjoy time together and savor the memories you have of her.

It sounds like your friend really does need some time away from her job to try to pull herself together. Perhaps she needs some professional help in dealing with her problems. Can you gently suggest she seek such help?

Life can be awfully unfair when you have a lot of sadness to cope with all at one time. The important thing for you to do is take care of yourelf so you can be supportive of others who need you. Realize that there are somethings (like the problems of loved ones who are ill or friends in trouble) that are beyond your control. I don't know if any of this makes sense or helps, but know that this situation will not last indefinately. Hang in there. Better days are surely ahead. Hugs, Lauri
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined" Thoreau
 
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


AuSsieG1rL
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 62
   Posted 10/17/2004 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
My best friend is in therapy, has a psychologist, a psychiartrist, as well as family docs. I just don't think it's fair that she has to deal with all that she's dealing with. Her grandfather recently passed away and the funeral was a week ago tomorrow.

I've never been close to my grandfather who now has cancer. One reason is because he lives in Memphis, TN. Another reason is that he was affilated with church and is somewhat too religious for me. I'm not one who is into religion and such especially with everything that I've gone through since 11th grade (3 yrs ago.).

My grandmother with Alzheimer's is gone.... she's had the disease for 5+ years so there isn't much left of her.... it bothers me to see her have to still be here and be suffering. I wish she would already go like my friend's grandpa did. All I do besides going to school 3 times a week is stay home and babysit. I don't go out I don't have fun. I stay here, at home, in front of the computer. It's been getting so out of hand that I have almost, if not already, a dozen or so email addresses.

I have now pretty much given up on everything and keep to myself-- especially my feelings and emotions. I have practically lost everything in a way because all of my friends are scattered around the US because of college (Ole Miss, MSU, NO, WI, AL, etc.) and I only have really 2 friends left-- my friend with FMS and my friend Casey who "engaged" to her boyfriend. I don't want to intrude when it's the two of them because I feel like the third wheel-- plenty of experience with my sister. I don't think I'll ever really find someone who will love me for me and understand what "sickness(es)" I do have adn not let that "scare" them away. In a way, I think that I ruined a pretty good chance of starting a relationship with a pretty cool guy... yeah.... he was about 4 years older than me but he was gentle. I think the main reason I didn't really go for it was for the fact he worked wiyth law enforcement and I don't trust law enforcement... the only person I do trust who works for police is my friend with FMS husband; however, I'm still somewhat scared of him... :/ I have not much of a reason to carry on; to accomplish my dreams (become an ADA) and get away from my mother's grasp. With this site and these forums was by accident when searching for information on FMS adn other "diseases" that some of my friends have. I have nothing!

Jo-Ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 829
   Posted 10/18/2004 11:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Your problems clearly show the need for professional help. My first response is that if you feel like this, how do you think the "victims" feel? I think you need to show compassion without trying to call attention to yourself.
 
There are probably boards on the internet to deal with your particular "problems", but this is a breast cancer bulletin board and we just wouldn't have the knowledge required to truly help you.
 
If you just want to vent, that's fine, but it doesn't appear any one of those you mentioned has breast cancer. I think that you really could find another board to join.
 
Jo-Ann
A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".


AuSsieG1rL
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 62
   Posted 10/18/2004 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   

Jo-Ann,

If you want to call what I wrote venting, great!  But it's not!  This is the only board that HealingWell has that deals with cancer.  And, how is it that I am "calling attention" to myself?  I am just trying to reach out for advice and support so that I can better support my loved ones that have all of this going on in their lives.  Is that too much to ask?  I can't say that I understand because I don't.  I don't have whatever it is these "victims" you refer to have.  I can only be there supportively and to the best I can.   I wasn't even talking to you.  I was refering to the reply that MNlady13 had given.

AuSsieG1rL
 
PS-- if you are so wanting of me to use/join a different board, how about, instead, you tell me how to make one where that I can say whatever it is that I feel is appropriate!

Jo-Ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 829
   Posted 10/18/2004 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I think you are confused. Venting is a good thing. However, your posts reference the word "I" too many times.
 
And, excuse me, your initial post was to everyone on this board. You may have been talking about your response to Lauri in your second post, but your initial post was open to the board.
 
If you want to start your own board, contact Peter, the administrator, and see what he can do for you.
 
You might look for a cancer board for the specific cancers that are in your family and one for you and your dealing with these situations.
 
Advice and support for breast cancer just isn't what you need.  We, as a group, are the experts for b/c.
 
My posts are statements of fact. They are intended to encourage you to find the proper board for you.  There was no cause for the ugly tone of your post. Things just aren't done like that on this board.
 
Jo-Ann
 
 


A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".


jessiecat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 693
   Posted 10/19/2004 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear A-Girl,

I am very sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed right now with all of the problems that people you know  are having.

We are a breast cancer board and we are a very compassionate group- Jo-Ann among the most compassionate among us. However, you seem to be missing the point entirely. We are in no postition to give you the kind of help you need right now- hence the suggestion that you find another outlet.

Do you know about breast cancer? I am not talking about the pretty pink ribbons, candy and parades....

It strikes YOUNG women as well as not so young women. We endure multiple surgeries and toxic treatements that make us sick as dogs and then we get radiated. But it doesn't end there. The younger women can no longer have children. Many are put into a chemo-enduced menopause. And for some of us the treatments don't work. So that means daily toxic chemicals, whole brain radiation, bone replacement, difficulty breathing, difficulty in concentrating, mouth sores, bone pain and joint pain far worse than than the worst fibromyalgia you can imagine...the joint pain from the chemicals is so bad that sometimes even our nails come off - all this while trying to live each day the best you can under circumstances that are unbearable.

And with all these treatments we sometimes lose our sisters. Long before their time.

They are beautiful vibrant women who are taken from us. But not without a fight- they spend YEARS fighting. And when we lose one of us each woman here loses a part of herself too. We've lost four sisters since July.

Now I realize your problems seem monumental to you right now so you should definitely try and find some help.

But right now we are all just trying to keep swimming and hold eachother up. We have breast cancer and that is all we can deal with right now.

Maybe you would feel better if you volunteered a little of your time and gave to people. You could volunteer at a hospital and hold AIDS babies. A Hospice center and help terminally ill patients on their final journey. A women's shelter and help battered women and children. A Nursing Home and help the aged. You might learn to appreciate the good in your life by seeing what others have to go through every single day.

Our focus here is to help our sisters battle breast cancer. We are not equipped to tackly the myriad of problems you presented. Even though our title has the "Word cancer in it" a 94 year old man with cancer is not the same as a 36 year old woman with two young girls who died last month and left a hole in our hearts forever.

Good luck.

Jessica


Admin
Forum Administrator


Date Joined Jan 2003
Total Posts : 9658
   Posted 10/19/2004 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Please remember to be respectful in your posts to one another. It is sometimes easy to misinterpret the words of others, even when someone has the very best of intentions. Thanks for making this a supportive and caring place.

Thanks,

Peter
Peter Waite, Founder/Editor
HealingWell.com - Community, Information, Resources
www.healingwell.com

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