I'll chime in too here. Regarding the second opinion...YES! GO! But, it would be better to get all the staging tests done first (MRI, Chest Xray, etc) and then take the armload of information to the clinic for a second opinion. They will need to know the status of all of those tests to render an opinion.
In the "old" days, tumor size smaller than 1 cm & negative nodes usually meant no chemo, but rads and surgery. Type of surgery was based on the findings with vascular invasion, among others. I am not sure what the current thinking is on when to do chemo or not. There are new tests now that can help determine the woman's chance of recurrance which can influence the chemo decision too. And Herceptin is probably a guarantee for you, which is a good thing (no hair loss from it!).
I was lucky and had an easy time from chemo....worked full time but took a couple days off each of 4 chemo cycles. I did 6 weeks of rads, went in the morning before work, minimal fatigue and no burns. Everyone has a very different experience, but I am telling you mine to offer encouragement that it may not be as bad as you fear. Fear of chemo, as Bev said, is usually worse than the chemo itself.
Remember to get that tape recorder to your sessions with the doctors, there is just so much to learn and absorb, and it is impossible even under the best circumstances to learn it all in one sitting.
And yes, BC becomes a chronic condition. Even being NED for years and years, there is always some test or something to monitor. The next 6 months- 1 year will be active treatment and then it goes into a surveillance mode...and we've seen that doctors all have a different preference on what they think is best....so when you get to that point, my advice is to go with what is comfortable for you. If your doctor is not a good fit, it is ok to find a new one.