Well, well, well......

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Shells
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 10/18/2004 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   
It's cancer. Duh....I knew that going into it. I don't know why I even try to fool myself into believeing anything different. All I know is that it's invasive ductal on the right breast at the 10 o'clock position. My first tumor was on the left breast. So what does this mean? Is it a new cancer? A secondary primary? And, of course, my Onc is out of town this week. Isn't that just peachy. But isn't that the way it works with me? Either on holidays or when my Onc is gone. I like to do things the long, hard way I guess. eyes So I see him next monday at 6:30pm unless someone cancels, then I can get in earlier. The doctor that looked at the mammo told me today that I cause ripples everywhere I go. He said everyone he talked to about me was sad. And that makes me sad b/c I am going to have to switch hospitals b/c of  insurance. Not that it's bad, but I have just gotten so close to some of those nurses and I don't want to go anywhere else. I get to keep my doctors, but have to switch hospitals. ( I am going to beg them to let me keep my rads Onc.....they are with St. Joseph/Vincent's and I have to go to Community now...all I may need is a referral from my new PCP. Which a PCP means nothing to me, just as long as they go along with my oncs! )
 
UGH, I just want to yell at someone/something. But I would feel crazy just yelling in my house tomorrow alone. LOL I need someone to just be there. I am not yelling at them, just yelling to them! Does that make sense? And I so do not want to do that to DH. He has his own issues about all this and I am sure he wants to yell too! On that note, I am going to get comfy with my yoga pants ( I don't do yoga, just wear the comfy pants! LOL ) and long sleeved t-shirt and hit the couch with my pumpkin ice cream and take my Aromasin( I don't know why, but I am,) and my Xanax, I take one a night so I can sleep.
 
Thanks for letting me vent alittle.
 
L&H, Shelley
 
PS. Thanks for all the nice posts of hope and prayers while I was waiting.


*Just keep swimming*   Dory....Finding Nemo
 


MNlady13
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2044
   Posted 10/18/2004 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((Shelley)))) I am so sorry that you are going to go through this yet again. Courage, my dear. We are here for you. Hugs and love, Lauri
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined" Thoreau
 
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


postal2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1106
   Posted 10/18/2004 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Shelley, I don't know what to say! This really su#ks! And to have to wait on top of it! I am so sorry. You vent all you want hon, you have that right. Please know I am praying for you, L&H, Gail
 It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.   Elisabeth Kubler Ross


jessiecat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 693
   Posted 10/18/2004 9:58 PM (GMT -7)   

Shells...

DUCK!!!! (subtract the D replace with an F)

I wish you lived near me. I wish I could give you somebody like in the end of Steele Magnolias- shove Shirley Macclain at you and say- "You want to yell at someone? Here! yell at her! Hit her! Knock her lights out!"

Ok- now I will try an be rational for your sake. Sounds like a new primary to me. All I have been hearing from my docs is we (us girls in the 2-5 year range) are prime for a new primary especially if we had lumpectomies and rads. Did you even know about that? I just learned that little factoid- There is an 11% increased risk of a new primary in the other breast if a woman gets rads!

When I had my  false alarm tumor this summer in the "other Breast" my BS said I could get another lumpectomy if it was cancer. Maybe that is all you have to do - and maybe a course of rads. Did they say how big it is? You said it was calcifications- so it can't be THAT big- so maybe that is all you need.

I know you don't want to hear this. You rather hear it was nothing and we all be happy dancing. But you know me well enough by now I always try to go to Battlestation Mode.

But if you were not a member of club Mets- this could still just happen...it is common- that is why we are monitored so closely these first few years. And it sounds extremely small- which is great- and maybe all you will need is just what I mentioned above.

I have a real pain in the a$$ neighbor. I am going to surprise her with a ticket to IN. You can yell at her all you want. She really needs it.

We are all here for you. I am SO SORRY AND SO FRIGGIN MAD I NEED TO KICK SOMETHING MYSELF.

Please- take 2 xanax tonight. One for me too.

Love and prayers to you ALWAYS,

Love,

Jessie

PS The new fall collection is out- Does Kalia want a cute outfit for the holidays??? Just tell me her height and weight!


lemonz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1090
   Posted 10/19/2004 3:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Shelley, I am so sorry I was gone yesterday. Geez..... You have my number and when you need to yell, you feel free to use it. Thats what I am here for. Love ya, and talk soon. Joyce
People are like tea bags, you have to put them in hot water to see how  strong they are!
 
 


Tavish
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2272
   Posted 10/19/2004 3:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Shells....Darn, darn darn, darn! Crud! I am so sorry you have to deal with this again. I think the only way to know if it is a new primary and unrelated tumor is a biopsy, when they look at the cell traits. It could be a regional recurrance or a new unrelated one.

Pumpkin ice cream is a good thing. I am looking to get some myself.

Shells, you are one tough gal, and this will be one more bump in the road. You will get through this too, think about the hurdles you have overcome already! You can yell via internet, will that help? Remember all CAPS will accomplish that. Maybe yelling when no one is home will help. You may want to try it, seriously....it can be therapeutic.

We'll do whatever it takes to help you keep swimming....
L&H,
Lori


sdearing
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 700
   Posted 10/19/2004 7:22 AM (GMT -7)   
{{{Shells}}} I am soo sorry. I wish someone would find a CURE! We need to set a time this evening and oh....let's say around 6:30 everyone step outside and scream! It's won't help much but maybe we would all feel better screaming together. Sweetie, hang in there and take one day at a time, I am praying for you each day.

Love
Sara
Sara Dearing
 
Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present!


Luci
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 892
   Posted 10/19/2004 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
confused  Oh, my darling girl, I am so sad and sorry to read this.  You were on my mind all day yesterday.  There are really no words.  Just know that I am holding you tightly in my arms and in my heart.  Love, Luci
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer.  Albert Camus


ardee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 854
   Posted 10/19/2004 12:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Shells,

God, I hate hearing this. I'm praying for you, Sweetie. Hang in there.

L&H,

Rita


Cathi
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 10/19/2004 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Shelley..I am sorry that the news wasnt good. This is so darn aggravating and
just not fair. Please know I am here for you and if you need something you
just need to ask.

Love and gentle hugs

Cathi
Sometimes it is a slender thread, Sometimes a strong,
stout rope; She clings to one end, I the other;
She calls it friendship; I call it hope....


Chemosabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 10/19/2004 4:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Shelley!

Oh crap! I am so sorry this is happening to you again, but glad they are getting it early.

As a way to let off stress, my grandfather, who is now 86, used to occasionally just suddenly get up from his chair, walk out the front door and just yell, "AARRRGGGGGH!" at the top of his lungs then calmly walk back inside and sit down again.   I can only imagine what the neighbors thought, but he said it helped to keep him sane. 
It's probably not a bad idea, as I kept my anger about cancer bottled up into I suddenly let loose on a poor fellow going door to door selling siding....oops! Didn't know those guys could run that fast....
 
I hope you find a release in the ice cream....pumpkin sounds pretty good!
 
Love,
Erin


cupycake2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 955
   Posted 10/19/2004 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Shelley {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}

Please know that it is breaking my heart to hear this news!!! God bless you dear one. WHERE IS THAT CURE?????????

Remember though, that you are a fighter.............and you will give it your all in fighting it this time too. I know YOU!

Feel free to yell as loud as you want in the direction of OHIO, I will be listening for you, ok?

Sending you love and lots of sympathetic hugs sweetie.
Hang in there!
Debbie
^j^ ^j^ ^j^ ^j^ ^j^ ^j^
"What sweetness is left in life if you take away friendship? It is like robbing the world of the sun"
Cicero


jaaustin
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 741
   Posted 10/19/2004 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Shells,
So sorry you got this news. I pray that they can take care of it quickly & effectively! I pray that the waiting is bearable...

Please take care of yourself. We are here for you...
Julie
Do not go gentle into that goodnight,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
~Dylan Thomas


Candy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 10/20/2004 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Shelley:
 
Woman, Oh Woman, it has been said before "It's always something".  I will have you in my prayers that this new information and changes will come to resolution very quickly.
 
It is good that you could come to us and vent. 
 
Hugs,
 
Candy 
"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."  Proverbs 25:11
 
 


cynd56
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2003
Total Posts : 137
   Posted 10/20/2004 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   
So sorry Shelley, keep strong and you have all my prayers. Love, Cyndy

Frayda
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2003
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/20/2004 6:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Shelley, I am so sorry you have to deal with this again! I will tag along with the others on Friday!
L&H, Frayda

nurse_mikki
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 349
   Posted 10/22/2004 6:51 PM (GMT -7)   
This totally stinks--AGAIN. Crap. All I can do is eat some Pumpkin Pie ice cream with you--we have a local dairy that makes the BEST with little pieces of graham cracker crust in it. It would taste a lot better if we could CELEBRATE something. I will keep my fingers crossed for your Monday onc visit.

Love you, sweetie.

Hugs, Michele
May this disease NEVER be allowed to take another wife, mother, daughter, sister, lover or friend........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cannot control the wind, but I CAN adjust my sails 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~
You can choose to look UP or DOWN--it's all about putting perfume on a pig. It is still a pig and it STILL stinks, but it stinks BETTER!
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breast Cancer Chronicle Demystifying BC, one step at a time
 
 


coopfesta
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 1373
   Posted 10/22/2004 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Shells,
 
I'm so so so sorry you have to go through this.  I hope you can find something to take care of yourself with this weekend, while waiting for the appointment.  I'm glad they detected it early, they're scanning me all the time, too.  This is very nervewracking.  I'm sure they will get it on time, all of it, no nodes, the whole thing will be ok. 
 
As per the new hospital, maybe you'll meet new, nice nurses, and keep the old friends, too.  Maybe Someone wants you in a new place for a reason.  You may yet meet a new, great friend that will be around for you so you won't feel so alone.
 
Trying to comfort. 
 
 
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius

Ellen

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