my friend just found out

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Amy's friend
New Member

Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/6/2004 4:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, this is my first time to this sight and I'm looking for some advise.  My very close friend Amy was diagnosed a week ago with breast cancer.  She had a mastecomy last Wed. and go the lymph nodes results back Friday.  They removed 9 and 8 were infected.  She goes this week for more testing and will start chemo next week.  She has a huge support system and is being very strong about this.  What I would like to know most is how can I help her?  Everyone says just be there when she needs you, but I would like to know from others who have gone or are going through what she is going through, what was most helpful to you?  What was the best thing someone did for you, the gift that meant the most, ideas for a care package, anything that a friend can do besides just be there.  I will be there for anything she needs.
Amy's friend

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 12/6/2004 7:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Just be there for her. Listen, call her, shop for her, cook for her, if you are a spiritual person pray for her. Take her to dinner, take a box of chocolates to her, pick her up and take her to a treatment. Buy her a little trinket, send her cards and the best of all let her know you love her and do not be afraid to talk with her about her feelings and fears, and joys, as you share all those things with her. Be normal Amy is still the same person. I always used to say that I was not "C" for cancer but "C" for Candy. Also you could share this board with her. She would find knowledge, support, and many new friends.

I hope this helps.

Hugs to you and Amy


Many Holiday Blessings to All



Life may not be the party

 we hoped for,

but while we are here we might as

well dance.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 12/6/2004 7:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Candy really did a great job with suggestions, I can't think of a thing to add, except to thank you for caring for your friend enough to do a little investigating for her. Being there and knowing when to listen and when to talk and showing how much you care and honor her feelings is the most important. Believe it or not may friends turn away because they don't know what to do or say and that causes a lot of hurt. So stay with her every step of the way if she wants you there. If at times she gets quiet and seems to want to back off, be gentle and respect her feelings at the time but don't back off and stay away. Just give her time, if she wants time. She may not. Hugs and prayers for you and your friend Amy, Mary K.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 141
   Posted 12/6/2004 8:02 PM (GMT -6)   
One thing that I really appreciated was POSITIVE support.  I had some very good friends who were NEVER negative about my illness and were very upbeat about my ability to get thru it.  Of course, there were some who would act like I was dying, even though I had a good pathology report.  They would be so sad and depressed.  I had one friend who always wanted to come "sit" with me....I was always on my way to my youngest son's baseball game!  I told my DH that I wasn't in hospice - I was going to LIVE and enjoy my time here!!!  BTW, his team won the State Championship for their division this summer!!!!!!!! and I didn't miss a game!  Treat her like she is NORMAL and is going to get thru it.  Also, one of my favorite gifts was a gift certificate for a manicure and a pedicure...pamper, pamper, pamper!!!!!!

Teresa King

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


Grandma Cathy
Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 426
   Posted 12/6/2004 8:37 PM (GMT -6)   

The others have given wonderful advice, as always.  There are few things that I would like to add . . .

The most shocking and best thing that I heard from a friend was "You are so lucky!"  You have been diagnosed now - my mom and 3 of my sisters have had breast cancer and the technology is so much better for you than it was for them.  Whatever you want, need or whatever, I am there for you, just let me know.  Then, she brought me a gift (the first of many) jammies, and a big fuzzy warm bathrobe.  She followed that with the gift of truth.  Whenever I got depressed, upset or whatever, she (figuratively) smacked me in the head and brought me down to earth - - - she let me know that my feelings right then were valid and told me how "WE" would get through this together along with all of my other friends and family.

Now the most amazing part of all of this is that she was merely an acquantence - I found out that people who barely know you can and will turn into angels in a heartbeat.  She is now someone that I consider one of my best friends.  Some of my best friends can't handle what I'm going through so they don't call or talk to me.

Three years later I have another "scare" happening and I have talked to her about it and will tell her the results before I will tell Mom.  

I hope that you can be this friend for Amy. This is the best thing that could happen to her and for her.  Be positive, but never, ever let her forget reality.

L & H,


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 12/7/2004 9:11 AM (GMT -6)   
OK Cathy what is this three years scare business all about? Where have you been girl? Busy with life, I know. Come on now, explain. Hugs Mk

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2044
   Posted 12/7/2004 10:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Amy's friend,
What a special person you are to seek out help on meeting Amy's needs at this challenging time in her life. Candy and the others have offered great advice. I would suggest that you tell Amy about this place. There may be times when she needs breast friends to vent to or to ask advice. There is nothing like the wisdom of those who have "been there, done that." Wish her well from all of us. Take care, Lauri
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined" Thoreau
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2272
   Posted 12/7/2004 11:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Friend-
The others have given wonderful ideas and advice. I personally am very independent and hate asking for help for anything. A couple people just did things, without asking, which was very supportive. I was lucky in that I did not need much, but I had support when needed. One friend just said she was taking me to chemo, she did not ask. Someone else made me a meal. If Amy has kids, you may just tell her you are coming over to take the kids or entertain them. Or bring a meal,or help with laundry. Listening is good too...she may want to talk not so much about feelings, but what is happening to her (on an intellectual level)...and she may want someone who will just listen.

I also suggest positive stories (like ours) help give her hope. And if she gets bad news, listen to her fears. Or offer to go wig shopping with her ....

And of course encourage her to come here if she wants!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 702
   Posted 12/7/2004 11:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Amy's Friend

I received a journal as a gift and I really liked it..I used it during chemo and in fact I am still
keeping a journal. Making a meal, cards and a phone call are also suggestions.

Sometimes it is a slender thread, Sometimes a strong,
stout rope; She clings to one end, I the other;
She calls it friendship; I call it hope....

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