It is now after 3 am in my neck of the woods which is in central time zone...Arkansas. This is the night before my appointment with the surgeon. I'm very nervous and scared and imagining the worst....crying, talking.....But I'm ok now. I just had to get it out. I was talking to my soon to be son-in-law. He is only 33 yrs old, but he is great to talk to, he understands, he's very smart and wise of the ways of the world and people. It's amazing he is this way at such a young age. He really helps me when I talk to him. He gives me good advice, ideas on what to do...I think he missed his calling. Whatever the outcome, I will have changed. Either way, I will be different. Either relieved and on top of the world, and happy and filled with dreams and ideas.....OR.....I have cancer and I am going to have a big fight on my...err. hands....yea that's it, my hands. (giggle) Seriously, tho, it will change me for the better either way. I want to take better care of me and mine. Do good things for people...volunteer for things like teaching someone to read or something with breast cancer....the possibilities are endless...
I want to get to know myself and how I want to be, what I want to do, where I want to end up in life. Right now, I don't have a plan. I'm just existing. This scare is going to change my way of seeing things, of living life, of learning what I want to be when I grow up because I'm getting there....God has a plan for me. I'm actually beginning to understand what that means.