He said it's just junk from radiation, and he didn't see anything suspicious."
Turns out the folks that did the sonogram last week "forgot" about the ovary, the fetus floored the tech and the radiologist so much, they didn't even look at it. Another question unanswered.
Emotionally I'm really in the dumps tonight. Firstly, tonight I realized I'm showing. I went to work and it was okay, actually I handled things great. Told some friends who will keep it confidential. Then I saw a week-old infant at the gas store on the way home. It's hitting me tonight. I watched Lifetime movie yesterday with all the trimmings, Holly Hunter even had an abortion in it. Every connected issue was exhausted in the movie. I was going to post a poll asking if I should be watching lifetime movies in my situation, but about halfway through, I realized it was helping me cope. I couldn't believe I was sitting there watching it, but it actually was helpful, kinda like the sad songs help, with a broken heart. It didn't negatively effect me like seeing that newborn did. I don't want to go to work, but really should, as I'm going to miss quite a lot. I'm hoping the snowstorm closes the county tomorrow, but I'm thinking it won't. I don't think that we're getting what they thought we'd get. My car should have had inches and inches on it by now, and it doesn't. Maybe it's different up by work. I will, of course, take care of myself and if I'm not up to it, I won't go.
Appointment Wednesday, surgery Friday. I'm going to see if they can do everything at once, hyster, oopher and this, but it may not happen that way, because this is risky enough by itself. I will spend Thursday going back to my shrink and popping in on DS's class and daycare, since it's his birthday. Maybe doing the cupcake thing will help. I won't be in great shape on Saturday, the day of his party. Mom's going to do it for me.
My inlaws know now, DH told his dad yesterday and they haven't called me. I don't know if it's because they don't know what to say or because they're Catholic and are having a very difficult time with this decision, as I'm sure they are, or worse, if they're totally against the decision and not speaking to me because of it. If I tested and found out the fetus was apparently healthy (a remote possibility) it would be extremely traumatic because I need to do this for my health. I have to just shut something in me down to get through this. At times I can, at times it's very real and hurts.
If anyone is against what I'm doing, please don't reply, You won't change my mind, and will further upset me and anger those supporting me. The last thing I want is an upheaval on the board over my decision. I just need a lot of extra support.
DH is a little, tiny bit better. For him, it's volumes, though.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius