Emotions gone haywire...help

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debbiR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 3/12/2005 12:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I am usually a pretty level headed, emotionally controlled woman. But, the last month has shown me that I am not this woman at all. It seems that any little thing will make me cry or totally lose it. I am presently on an antidepressant (just started it this week). My weekly chemo treatments are nothing that I can't handle. I have been on the same chemo since I was diagnoised with a recurrance in Nov, 2003.
 
I was told to attempt to get rid of things that were causing me stress. Okay, I finally eliminated the largest stress problem..my mother. She was diagnosed in Aug with Bells Pasley and even though my ds and db live w/in 3 miles of my mom, they did nothing to help with her care. You see, they are both VIP (or so they believe because they make 6 figure yearly income) and didn't have time to help drive mom to appts, or take her to dinner or grocery shopping, etc. Or answer her 20 plus phone calls each day. I finally said enough was enough and she was their responsibility. I didn't want visits or phone calls. You see, she refused to believe that I was in treatment again. My db and ds have not been interested in my health or treatments since the beginning 4 yrs ago when I refused to let them make my decisions for me. Pain is under control w/out having to take a great number of pain pills. That was something that I had to learn to do...take pain pills.
 
I don't know why I am so on edge constantly. Nothing satisfies me or is right. Anyone else ever had this problem? If so, I would love some insight as to how you handled it.
 
Hugs
 
Deb
 


gma
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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 3/12/2005 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Deb, First of all, antidepressants take some time to begin working, so they are probably not doing the full job yet. Secondly, you did the correct thing to tell your siblings to start handling your Mom. They are in denial to protect themselves, not you or your mom. I have mother issues, too, and when I talked to my doctor about how much she upset me, the dr told me to never have her visit me again. So when she talked about coming here, I went there and it was much easier because there were other relatives around. LOL You have to handle things as well as you can and keep her from bothering you. Stress is hard to handle when you are well but going through treatment it is impossible and not necessary. Stand your ground with the VIPs. If you need more cheering on, just say the word and we will do the Rah! Rah! you can do it. Hugs and prayers, MK


Candy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 3/12/2005 11:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Deb:

It is perfectly normal to have a falling down occassionaly. The anti-depressents will start working soon. I am very thankful for mine. As far as your Mother goes, unfortunately she needs help. Mine does and I need to ask my sisters to help more often. One sister does and one sister has decided she can stay on the edge of it all. I was talking to my priest the other day about my Mom concern and he lovingly told me to share with them more often. So I realize I cannot do it all and I am trying to share responsibilities with the "sisters". I have a lot of my own issues and trying to better my health.

It is OK to just concentrate on yourself. Get all things in order and start feeling better. You can only continue to help others if you are helping yourself. It is not selfish, it is reality.

Hugs to you,

Candy

 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.

Proverbs 27:9


ardee
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Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 854
   Posted 3/12/2005 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
As Candy said, it's perfectly OK to put yourself first. I think those of us with living parents have problems with them from time to time, whether it's control issues, as in my case, or health issues, as is also the case with my parents.

Your antidepressant will work soon. Thank God for those babies!!! You just need to cut out the non-supportive people from your life till you feel more capable of handling everything. It's not a crime. It's a necessity. Just take care of yourself, sweetie.

Hugs,
Rita


Jo-Ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 829
   Posted 3/13/2005 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Deb, I lost my mother almost 4 years ago. I had spent over a year taking care of her. I lived in TX, she lived in Hollywood, FL. My sister lived one mile away and my brother was about 15 miles away. They were just "too busy". I still resent their not doing their best to help her. I can't talk to my sister often because I need valium when I'm done.

You really need to stand up to them and insist they do their share. So what if they're busy. They appear to have enough to hire someone to be with her.

It does take a while for the antidepressants to take effect. However, you should be able to put a lot of this behind you by concentrating on the little prince about to enter your world. Don't look backwards towards your mother but look forward on your new family member. Grandchildren show us there will be a tomorrow.

Love, Jo-Ann
A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".


debbiR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 3/13/2005 8:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone. As for my db and ds taking care of my mom...it is their total responsibility now. I am not even taking telephone calls from her. She is rather shocked to find out that she just stepped on me one time to many and now can't act as though nothing happened. I have to tell you the one thing that has really irritated my ds and db. I was so angry at my sibilings and mom that I told my dds and best friend that when I died (and I am not planning on doing so anytime soon) that I did NOT want my mom, db, ds, or bil at the funeral home or cemetary. That if they couldn't show love and concern when I was alive then I didn't want them making a big show after I was dead. Well, my best friend got cornered by my ds. After listening to my ds ***** about having to take care of mom (all of 2 weeks) she said that she was sure I was upset by what they had done. My friend told her that I wasn't, in fact, I was relieved to have the stress removed and then preceded to tell her what I said about the funeral home. I wish that I could have seen her face because it evidently shocked her. rofl
 
Jo-Ann, I am looking forward to the arrival of Noah Tyler and am buying things right and left. After all, a "first" grandson only happens once. My dd and sil asked me if I would want to watch him about 2 hrs a day when school starts in the fall. (my dd is a speech path) Well, duh!
 
I don't understand this emotional mess that I am in right now but hopefully it will pass soon. Just be prepared if anyone says "boo" I will prob "boo-hoo"! lol
 
Hugs
 
Deb
 


MNlady13
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2044
   Posted 3/14/2005 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Deb, it is good that you can step back and laugh a little bit about some of this. Laughter will go along way to helping you feel better emotionally. But, I understand the turmoil that you have been feeling, and sympathize. What is it about mothers and daughters, anyway. I've had issues with mine, too. Although the waters are smoother now, we had some difficult times. The issues have not been resolved and never will be. But, I have learned to not let them interfere with the here and now. I applaud your effort to get your DS and DB involved in mom's care. You have enough on your plate right now. Enjoy that grandson when he gets here. There is nothing like grandchildren to make you smile a lot. Hugs, Lauri
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined" Thoreau
 
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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