I can't believe I am finding myself here. Shock is more like it. I have read some of your posts, and responses..very encouraging and helpful. I wonder where the women are that posted years ago...
I turned 40 in June of last year (2011) it's been fun ever since. (scarcastic tone here.)
I had a routine mammogram done earlier tonight, was a nervous wreck, because I worry about everything..lol Well I guess I had reason to be. As the tech was done with my first right breast pictures I followed her to the computer screen where she was checking them to make sure she got the shots right, there right on the screen was my big old right breast with a perfectly round, white pea size spot. It's located above the nipple, looks like in the middle of the tissue. Well I said nothing at that point. She finished the left breast pictures, and again I followed her over while she reviewed them. She then explained to me what the radiologist looks for..I saw no white spots, so I asked her to show me the first Xray. She did. I pointed to the white spot, and said "that is something right there, what is it?" I think I made her uncomfortable, and put her on the spot. She seemed a little like she didn't want to address it with me..which I can totally understand. But those are my pictures of my body and I want to see and understand what I see. She then told me that "bad things in a womans breast" are usually irregular in shape..she said it is her "unprofessional" opinion that the white spot is just a cyst..and I shouldn't worry. She said that the I probably will get a call from the radiologist tomorrow to come back for an ultrasound to get a closer look.
YES I am worrying. Cysts are what cancer is!! Is the shape that important? Mass? Cyst? Oval? Square?? What is the difference. I saw just one white spot. It wasn't a bunch of tiny white specs, it was just one bright white circle spot. I have googled xrays of cancer tumors and cysts. What I have found actually coinsides what she said about the shape. The benign cysts were round, and I guess filled with liquid, the cancerous tumors were more of splotchy, and sort of uneven round..almost like a paint drop. Does anyone know what an intial finding on a mammogram can tell you? I expect a call from the radiologist tomorrow, and an ultrasound of course to be ordered. This is just a nightmare. I have twins boys age 10, I cannot leave them yet. I need to be here for them. I cannot leave my husband, I have known him since high school. I love them all..and do not want to miss out on my boys adulthood. I have several other factors that bring me to believe this might be cancer..I smoke. I have smoked since I was 15 years old. I have gained alot of wieght due to being out of work for 5 years to stay home and be there for my family. Those factors alone have made me feel like I am a ticking time bomb. I also feel by this poor techs reaction to me, her hedging, that she felt that this was serious. I am a wreck. I lost my adoptive mother lose her battle with cancer which started in her breast. She didn't smoke, but was a little over weight. I never saw her Xrays. She told me the lump was round, and that she could feel it. I can't feel mine. I tried when I got home and couldn't find it. My doctor gave me a breast check 2 months and didn't feel anything. I am scared. I don' t know what I will want to do if this is cancer. I watched my mothers hair fall out, the throwing up, how miserable she was. I cannot put my 10 year old boys through that. I don't want them to see me suffer like I saw her suffer. I saw her scars after she had her breast removed. I drove her to radiation when the cancer had spread to her brain, then back to her body onto her bones. I watched this crap for 3 years...I can't do that to my family. I love them too much. NOT to mention I do not have health insurance. So how will I pay for this? If I chose to fight it, I want the best care possible and that would mean travelling an hour away. Would I even get the best care possible without insurance?? This is not what our family needs, NO family needs this. I know! My heart goes out to each and everyone of you, your children and husbands that have been touched by this ugly disease. It is a nightmare for all. Sadly it is also becoming too common, and the age is getting younger. Love to you all. Blessings XOXOX