Feeling depressed......

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babyseeester
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 826
   Posted 6/21/2005 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Ladies, I need your help.  about a week after hearing that my tumor marker is down in the normal range, I started feeling depressed.  It has taken me totally by surprise.  I have been so positive until now - it makes me angry!  I don't like feeling this way.  I have everything to be grateful for, so this makes no sense to me.  Also, I've developed a bit of a crush on my radiation therapist, which doesn't help any.  It makes me feel old!  LOL  He's young and just starting a family.  Isn't that silly?  Plus, he's not even my type.  LOL  I think I'm having a mid-life crises.  I need a change that will give me something to look forward to.  I remember reading some posts in the beginning about after the treatment is over, you sometimes get depressed and I thought it was silly, but now I understand.  I'm not even over the treatment, yet, either.
 
I've seriously been contemplating a career in health care.  I've always considered my current job as just temporary.  It pays so little, but it's been the right place for me during this time of my life.  Radiation therapy seems very interesting, but it requires a lot of school.  I took an online assessment test and it said I would be good in the medical/health care field.  Once I told my DH that, he began thinking maybe it wasn't a bad idea after all.  He needs a change in career, too, so I told him we should do this together.  He would love to work with senior citizens. 
 
Thanks for letting me confess.  I would appreciate any words of wisdom on this.
L & H,
Kathy


debbiR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 6/21/2005 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Kathy, don't be to hard on yourself. Each of us has experienced the letdown and depression that you are experiencing. I thought that I was crazy. Here I had gone thru a year of surgery, treatments, etc and now had my "freedom" and I was depressed. Didn't make sense to me until I realized that for that year, since my diagnosis, I had been seeing one type of dr or another. There was always some medical professional checking me out. Now suddenly, I was on my own for 3 months until my checkup w/ the onco. It scared the heck out of me. But, once that first checkup was behind me and I saw that all of my counts were ok, then I seemed to handle my emotions better. So hang in there and just realize that these are normal emotions that you are feeling. Now, as for the rad onco. I really can't relate to that as all of my med team was female. lol

Be kind to yourself. You deserve a break!

Hugs...Deb


 


tking
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 141
   Posted 6/21/2005 10:48 AM (GMT -7)   
What you are feeling is perfectly normal.  I just finished a little over a year of surgeries, chemo, etc.  I had my checkup on Tuesday and was called on Thursday or Friday that blood work and tumor markers were normal.  I immediately went into a funk.  I was so depressed all weekend.  I feel better today and don't go back for 3 more months.  But I thought about it - for the past year I've been doing everything the onc knows to get me well.  Now all that is over and it's just the Femara and 3 month check ups.  It's kinda scary like now I'm not doing anything to stay well. Also, I think you're so busy coping that when it's all over, it finally REALLY hits you that you've had cancer.  I thought I had dealt with it before but I was focused on the surgery, chemo and then reconstruction.  Now that's all behind me and I can be kinda normal and it scared me...Don't be hard on yourself, bc is not fun and it's okay to have some bad days.  Just don't let it take all the fun out of your life.  I've decided I can be pretty scary too - WATCH OUT CANCER!!!!!  ha ha 
Teresa King

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

(NIV)


Ynkefan31
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 586
   Posted 6/21/2005 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Kathy, what you are feeling is normal. If you continue to feel depressed, please ask the doc. for some help. You have been through a great deal and you may just need to release some of those old scared feelings. I also contemplated the medical field, who better to help cancer patients than one who has been there. You will be a tremendous asset to that field. I on the other hand am still a patient and am too tired for the schooling I would need, but It's always been a dream of mine. I say go for it.

ddd ddd ddd ddd
,,\)/,,,\)/,,\)/,,,\)/,,\)/ ,,\)/,\)/,\)/,,\)/,\)/,,\)/,
VICKY


babyseeester
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 826
   Posted 6/21/2005 12:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Vicky,
 
Thanks for that.  It's encouraging to think I'm not the only one who wanted to do this after being in treatment.  Between your (and everyones) comments and chatting with Deb, I feel better.  I'm sure I'll feel even better after meeting Rita and Gail tonight!
 
L & H,
Kathy


Tavish
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2272
   Posted 6/21/2005 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Kathy, welcome to the NORMAL club! Kinda stinks sometimes, but it is a whole new world. New things to get used to, new fears, new joys, new look on life....for me, it was new anxiety. I hated feeling out of control and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now that I am so happy to be done with tamoxifen, I am sure to expect some post treatment let down again. there does not have to be a reason for depression, sometimes it just happens....so don't beat yourself up because you feel blue. If it gets worse or begins to interfere with your quality of life, please consider talking to your doctor or a therapist so that it does not get out of control.

No one can understand except for us, and we totally know where you are coming from. Hang in there and be prepared for some ups and downs along the way....let it be normal and don't be too hard on yourself.

L&H,
Lori


wackygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 857
   Posted 6/21/2005 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Kathy- Just adding my 'depression'- episodes too... yes they pop up at the weirdest of times, and sometimes you can't pin down why they are occurring... being finished with treatment may caused a feeling of helplessness, or of being 'on your own' and flying without a net. Sometimes the anxiousness of waiting for tumor markers and trying NOT to worry all come flooding out when you finally find out that the tumor marker are normal. I've had some of my deepest crying jags right after hearing "it's normal". Don't worry.... cry, and look to the future... a career in the medical field sounds exciting! Keep thinking ahead and exlpore the possibilities. You have every right to!

hugs
Stefanie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's been worth everything I've been through,
 To do what I do"

                       To Do What I Do   -Alan Jackson, 2004


gma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 6/21/2005 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Well now everyone has already told you how normal you are feeling this way, so I will go on to the next subject. How was the meeting with Rita and Gail? You are possibly meeting just about now. I am thinking of you and hoping you all have a great visit and sharing of hugs. Love MK

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