Am I over-reacting to this?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Chemosabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 9/24/2005 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
OK, Ladies, I need your opinion here....
 
First off, I have not been posting in a long time (I'm hanging my head in shame) due to job stress, relationship stress and money stress. But, this is something that I think that you can relate to better than anyone else I know.
 
This happened at work. The short version is that I have a co-worker who I do not particularly get along with. I went into her office area to get a piece of chocolate (what else!) from the community candy jar and I said, as I took it, "This has been calling my name all day." As I turned and walked out, this co-worker muttered something to one of our student workers who exclaimed, "Brunhilde* (*Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent), that is NOt nice!"
 
Now, I didn't hear the comment made, but I later found out that what she said was, "well, of course she can have the chocolate, she can have anything she wants because she's a cancer VICTIM!"
 
That was last Friday and I am still majorly TICKED OFF (!!!) about this comment. I explained the situation to my supervisor and she seems to think it's no big deal.
 
I feel hurt and upset because I haven't ASKED for any special treatment and have done my best to work my bum off to prove that I can still do my job the same as before.
 
Do you think I am over-reacting?
 
Erin
 
 


Brnadebt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 688
   Posted 9/24/2005 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Erin

Im sorry I have not met you yet, Im Bernadette. dont think you are over reacting at all mainly because what she said was hurtful. If you are anything like me I could not stand it until I said something to her. Maybe you should sit down with her and tell her that you heard her comment and you dont understand. Then ask if she has had to take some of your slack while you have been sick, and she probably will say NO tell her very sweetly that you are sorry if it has inconvieneced (sp) her but you are working as hard as you can, Believe me she will feel like a heel for even making that comment! Sometimes the best approach is head on. I used to be in management for almost 20 years and when they would come to me and say so and so said .....blah blah blah....... I would say have you talked to her yet? I would never get involved until they had talked it over. That usally did the trick.

I wish you luck, and dont be such a stranger here. Keep us posted.
Hugs:)
Bernadette


jaaustin
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 741
   Posted 9/24/2005 10:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Erin,
I know it is easier said than done, but you probably need to just let it go. It's a sad fact, but many co-workers don't get along. Unfortunatly, this one chose a very immature and pathetic way to express that. Take it for what it was -- a stupid attempt to get attention from whomever this pitiful creature was talking to. You are the better person and you might feel better taking the high road on this one. Just my 2 cents. Hope you resolve it for your peace either way.
Hugs,
Julie
Do not go gentle into that goodnight,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
~Dylan Thomas


Kattbird
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 9/25/2005 4:41 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Erin,

Sorry you have to be exposed to such stupidity. There's some in every office. I probably would have had to say something to her or I would leave breast cancer brochures and pamphlets on her desk so she can read about it. But that's just me. I have a candy jar on my desk too that 3 of usually put candy in and others come and get some too. The warehouse manager more than others and I tell him he needs to put a quarter or something in the jar because he doesn't take just 1 piece, her takes like 3 or 4 pieces at a time then there's none for the next person. So he has put a $1 in there a couple of times and I give it to the person who fills it up again. I've gone a couple of rounds with him about stuff and he's not even my manager but I have to help their department out sometimes and he talks to my supervisor about me in front of me (nothing bad) just about heloing out and I finally had to tell him not talk about me in front of me that he can just come to me. One of these days I'm going to get fired for speaking my mind, but if you let people walk over you, you'll be miserable and they'll keep dping it. Unfortunately, I get that attitude from my dad, he was a mouthy person.


happy!
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 9/25/2005 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Here's my 2 cents...I think I'd let it go, like water off a duck's back. My boss would probably say something like 'you're not getting paid to be friends, we're paying you to do a job'. Sometimes you find out who your friends are or aren't the hard way, often having cancer, or some other life event where it's easy for someone to kick you when you're down, brings it to the forefront a little quicker. We might be a little more emotional or vulnerable, but in time our skin gets a little thicker. I don't think you want to prove to your boss, coworker or anyone else that you are a victim, by saying something about the candy incident, their twisted little minds might say 'see, I told you she was a victim' and in the future everyone else might follow suit, start walking on eggs around you when the word spreads (and it most likely will) and come to resent you. I don't mean to sound cold, but others often just don't get it and that's just the way it is at the office. Now if it was your boss who said something like this, if I were you I'd be in Human Resources filing charges so fast their heads would spin, it's a different story when a boss makes harrassing remarks and we have laws to protect us. But there will always be at least one blabbermouth jerk at the office just trying to ruin everyone's day, don't take it personally, she probably has something nasty to say about everyone else too. I bet your boss already knows who the jerks are or aren't anyway. Maybe you should get your own candy jar for your desk to avoid future insults with the jerk, a candy jar or coffee maker at your desk is a great way to make other friends at the office. When everyone starts coming around your desk for a piece of chocolate, her ears will start spouting steam and you can enjoy a nice laugh for yourself. Don't get angry or run under a rock, keep your chin up and remain proud of yourself, cancer or not, never let them see you sweat, especially with office politics! I'm sure the jerk will find something else to pick on, but remember you're a survivor, she's not, so you have excellent reason to just hold your head high no matter what she says or does. I think we all have hundreds of stories to tell about stupid things people say to a cancer patient, if it helps, we can share our stories here with each other and laugh instead of cry. Keep in mind that we get it and they don't.

Jen


Jo-Ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 829
   Posted 9/25/2005 6:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Erin, let the remark just roll off your back. Consider the fact that she didn't have the cajones to tell you to your face. When someone is jealous of someone else, when they can't find fault with you, then they want to let others know that you're not perfect, how could you be, you've been a cancer "victim". In "olden" times, it was a stigma against you, you've got the big "C".

However, the one thing that I would do is to let everyone know that I am not a "victim", I am a "survivor and please recognize the difference".

If I took to heart everything that has been said about my situation, I would be pushing up flowers somewhere, or at least adding more dust to the air. As you said, you don't really care for her that much and you can't just hit the thumbs down icon to make her go away.

Keep your own chocolate in your desk, ignore her, and maybe she'll get the message. As a last resort, ask her if she knows that 1 out of every 7 women will be diagnosed with b/c this year? And, for spitting in the wind, God may have something in mind for her.

The end result is that it is very sad there are people who cannot find anything to say except something hurtful. But, it's just like the kids who would call another kid "4 eyes" because he wore glasses. Bullies are always looking for a weakness. Don't let her know she may have found one.

Erin, you have had the "fight of your life" already and you are "fighting to win". How could ANYTHING be tougher to deal with than that? Based on what she's done, she is just a good waste of oxygen and a source of wintertime heat.

Just keep on being Erin. That's a very good thing.

Love, Jo-Ann
A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".


gma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 9/25/2005 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Gee everyone is being so nice about this. My first thought was asking her if she wanted to trade places. Some people are just plain mean. As long as they get away with nasty remarks they will continue. During my working years I found that the difficult people became less difficult and sometimes became good friends when I faced them rather than ignoring them. Oh well, just another point of view. Sorry you are having a rough time right now. Hugs, MK


debbiR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 9/25/2005 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Erin: I am afraid that I would have to say something to this "co-worker". I personally can't let go of comments like that. You might want to start the conversation out by saying something like, "I personally didn't hear what you said but I was told that you said I could have anything I wanted because I was a cancer victim." That puts the ball back in her court. Then let her know that you are NOT a victim but a survivor, etc. Who knows, maybe she has a family member or close friend that has had cancer and she hasn't been able to accept that fact or it could be that she is nothing more than a self-centered spoiled child.  If you don't want to confront her, face to face, then why not get your own candy jar, put it on your desk, with some catchy label on it..."Chocolate, compliments of this Cancer Survivor". Hang in there. Let us know what you decide to do.
 
Hugs..Deb
 


coopfesta
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 1373
   Posted 9/25/2005 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
OK, I haven't even read any of the other responses, I wanted to get writing Erin.  This would be eating me up inside bigtime.  I'd show her just how much of a VICTIM you're not!!!!!
 
You're one strong, feisty broad, and she probably has a problem with that.  I'd like to see her do HALF the stuff you've done while having been dealing with this pain-in-the-you-know -what disease.  Tell her if she can't say something to your face, then maybe she should learn from your bravery, 
 
Also, tell me, what about the person who told you what she said?  That's no friend either.  That person shouldn't have said something to you later, she should have called you over and had you deal with it personally at the time.  Now she gets to see your reaction and stay on the high road....NOT!  She's just as bad in my book.  These two nimrods need to get filed in your mine, in a circular file!!!!!!  The boss, forget it, she's ineffectual.  You are either going to handle this one or let it go.  but rehearse rehearse rehearse.  write responses and have stuff ready if you want to confront THEM BOTH
 
I think you'd better get your own chocolate, too. 
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius

Ellen


Candy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1294
   Posted 9/25/2005 4:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Erin:
 
Some people just need to get a life.  A real, true, honest life!!  Maybe the poor soul has it so bad personally that her only relief is to try to pull "survivors" down to her level.  Some people just cannot except that others have difficulties in their lives and they can actually be a better person for it. 
 
I say ignore her.
I say ignore so called friends.
I say ignore the negative.
I say ignore words like "victim".
 
I say ignore her "chocolate".
 
I say kill her with kindness.  You, Erin, are a good person that has fought hard and you are winning.  I count myself blessed for having met you and for having you as a friend.  Say Hi to the DH for my DH and I.  It would be so nice to see another roundhouse with you both and have a beer.
 
Love and hugs,
 
Candy
 
 
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
 


Chemosabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 9/25/2005 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all for being my sounding board! I knew you would all understand this situation better than anyone else.

I will let you know what happens on Monday. Most everyone at home has said to let it go, but I just can't... I have to let her know that it is NOT OK to say things like that.  But, you're right, I suppose that in a way she will feel vindicated for thinking of me as a whiny victim. Ah, well. Guess you really can't win a situation where socking her in the nose is against the law.....;-)

Ugh! Office politics....it's just like high school only we're all better dressed.

Thank you for your support and kind words, though. It's nice to know I have a few in my court. And Greg really likes the idea about the "chocolate courtesy of" idea!

(ps: DH got me an inflatable punching bag! I think it will get a lot of use....I know just whose face I will tape on it...)
 
Erin


coopfesta
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 1373
   Posted 9/25/2005 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
OK, I just read what everybody else just wrote, finally.
 
Deb had a good chocolate idea there, except, there could be something to that we can do whatever we want, now that I think of it.  I did feel more liberated when I got diagnosed, like I could do more and not worry so much about other people.  Maybe you could do something with that.  There's something to be jellous of, somewhere in there, I think.  no? 
 
Good one, Jo-Ann about the 1 in 7 remark and spitting into the wind.  I wish I'd have thought of it.  just cruel enough to be nasty.  pass the creme....meow!!
 
Say hi to DH for me too.  We definately need another experience with a roundhouse!  I have to study for licensing, though, so maybe in the spring?????
 
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius

Ellen


cupycake2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 955
   Posted 9/26/2005 6:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Erin,

I just read your post and I can't tell you how frustrated I am just reading about it and not experiencing it.

This person (maybe both of them) sounds like a very jealous and hurtful person. Please don't take what she said personally, she is not worth the time of day!

I am sending you a really really big {{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}. Now, I hope that makes you feel better.
Wish we could have gotten together this fall for a gathering. )-:

Miss you and your adorably funny husband!

Love you,
Debbie
^j^ ^j^ ^j^
"What sweetness is left in life if you take away friendship? It is like robbing the world of the sun"
Cicero


lemonz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1090
   Posted 9/28/2005 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I have decided to chime in and I am not nice. You get no where in the office allowing yourself to become the target for sharp tongues to get their exercise. May I suggest you to out and buy a jar one that Armstrongs bracelet will fit about and put it on your desk and fill it with your preference. Next I would make a miniature file and write on it, Important words said behind my back. When they open it and see it is empty and remark that it is...your answer is "my point exactly". Make sure you put it out there when you can see her reaction. If you really want to push it put a paper on your desk and ask for people to name any special favors they have had to do because of your treatment you would like to make it up to them. I am prepared to bet not one nice person will write anything and those that do get them a gift certificate for McDonalds French Fries and ask them to eat them with their left hand. Yes this was written with tongue in cheek. I am so sorry you have had to go through this. Just remember one in seven or eight according to what you read will get a visit with this type of C alone never mind the others. Hugs and Love Joyce
How wonderful it would be to see Angels where there are only clouds. How sad it would be to see clouds where there are Angels.
 
 


coopfesta
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 1373
   Posted 10/2/2005 8:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Uh, Joyce?  Why the left hand?  I don't get it.  as my 5-year old would say...a little help here???
 
Erin:
 
What did you finally do?
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius

Ellen


debbiR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 10/2/2005 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Erin:  I was just wondering what you did when you went into work on Monday?
 
Ellen, the McD FF and left handed is referring to a post that I made. According to the news, studies have been done that have shown that " persons who ate McD FF between the ages of 3 and 5 yr old were more prone to get bc" and that "left handed" persons had a higher percentage of getting bc. :rolling eyes at both studies:
 
Deb
 


Jo-Ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 829
   Posted 10/2/2005 12:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Whoa, Joyce, it seems that your last nerve was squashed and you have come out with gloves on and dancing to the bell. Eve the ref would be advised to step back.

I LOVE it !!!! That was great and I am making notes. I love it when you get on the soapbox.

Love, Jo-Ann
A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".


lemonz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1090
   Posted 10/4/2005 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry, you are so right! I should have sat on my hands. Right now this whole thing is a sore spot with me. I have a friend who is Stage 4 and putting up with remarks about people who have cancer, and how they think they are special. I knew I should not have posted. I just think that it is such a shame...when another female has to work to keep her insurance (her husband is home and disabled with a stroke) and her female co workers feel free to bust on her. Geez like Stage 4 is not enough to deal with, and to have to work to keep their insurance. But I am so sorry I got on my soap box. Geez. OK I will be good and go back to sitting on my hands again. LOL love and hugs Joyce      Question: Would Texas Justice be rubbing a little Limberger cheese on her co-workers muffler? Just asking tee hee


How wonderful it would be to see Angels where there are only clouds. How sad it would be to see clouds where there are Angels.
 
 

Post Edited (lemonz) : 10/4/2005 2:01:53 PM (GMT-6)


Jo-Ann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 829
   Posted 10/4/2005 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Joyce, You had every right to step on the soapbox and I am so glad that you did. We all have feelings like that and some things can just make you so angry, you have to say something. I certainly enjoyed listening to you and you should feel free to do it whenever the need arises.

Although, I don't think it would be a wise thing to do while you're piloting the PCE. I would hate to see you facing us while Cruella climbed into the pilot's seat. There's no telling where we would wind up.

Love, Jo-Ann

PS - Entemann's makes a very dangerous devil's food chocolate covered donut. Cruella found them in the store and she insists that's what we bring on our next trip. I'll see if I can get a picture of her when she's eating one. It is too funny.
A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 10, 2016 11:43 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,967 posts in 301,341 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151440 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Ian88.
255 Guest(s), 14 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
DotiW, blueberrymuffin, wthj53, tickcheckguy, ROXY68, Girlie, LG13, dbwilco, Ariel Smith, poohcheez, Mustard Seed, Traveler, Noni9, Tall Allen


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer