Sorry you have to be exposed to such stupidity. There's some in every office. I probably would have had to say something to her or I would leave breast cancer brochures and pamphlets on her desk so she can read about it. But that's just me. I have a candy jar on my desk too that 3 of usually put candy in and others come and get some too. The warehouse manager more than others and I tell him he needs to put a quarter or something in the jar because he doesn't take just 1 piece, her takes like 3 or 4 pieces at a time then there's none for the next person. So he has put a $1 in there a couple of times and I give it to the person who fills it up again. I've gone a couple of rounds with him about stuff and he's not even my manager but I have to help their department out sometimes and he talks to my supervisor about me in front of me (nothing bad) just about heloing out and I finally had to tell him not talk about me in front of me that he can just come to me. One of these days I'm going to get fired for speaking my mind, but if you let people walk over you, you'll be miserable and they'll keep dping it. Unfortunately, I get that attitude from my dad, he was a mouthy person.
Here's my 2 cents...I think I'd let it go, like water off a duck's back. My boss would probably say something like 'you're not getting paid to be friends, we're paying you to do a job'. Sometimes you find out who your friends are or aren't the hard way, often having cancer, or some other life event where it's easy for someone to kick you when you're down, brings it to the forefront a little quicker. We might be a little more emotional or vulnerable, but in time our skin gets a little thicker. I don't think you want to prove to your boss, coworker or anyone else that you are a victim, by saying something about the candy incident, their twisted little minds might say 'see, I told you she was a victim' and in the future everyone else might follow suit, start walking on eggs around you when the word spreads (and it most likely will) and come to resent you. I don't mean to sound cold, but others often just don't get it and that's just the way it is at the office. Now if it was your boss who said something like this, if I were you I'd be in Human Resources filing charges so fast their heads would spin, it's a different story when a boss makes harrassing remarks and we have laws to protect us. But there will always be at least one blabbermouth jerk at the office just trying to ruin everyone's day, don't take it personally, she probably has something nasty to say about everyone else too. I bet your boss already knows who the jerks are or aren't anyway. Maybe you should get your own candy jar for your desk to avoid future insults with the jerk, a candy jar or coffee maker at your desk is a great way to make other friends at the office. When everyone starts coming around your desk for a piece of chocolate, her ears will start spouting steam and you can enjoy a nice laugh for yourself. Don't get angry or run under a rock, keep your chin up and remain proud of yourself, cancer or not, never let them see you sweat, especially with office politics! I'm sure the jerk will find something else to pick on, but remember you're a survivor, she's not, so you have excellent reason to just hold your head high no matter what she says or does. I think we all have hundreds of stories to tell about stupid things people say to a cancer patient, if it helps, we can share our stories here with each other and laugh instead of cry. Keep in mind that we get it and they don't.
Thank you all for being my sounding board! I knew you would all understand this situation better than anyone else.
I will let you know what happens on Monday. Most everyone at home has said to let it go, but I just can't... I have to let her know that it is NOT OK to say things like that. But, you're right, I suppose that in a way she will feel vindicated for thinking of me as a whiny victim. Ah, well. Guess you really can't win a situation where socking her in the nose is against the law.....;-)
Ugh! Office politics....it's just like high school only we're all better dressed.
Thank you for your support and kind words, though. It's nice to know I have a few in my court. And Greg really likes the idea about the "chocolate courtesy of" idea!
Post Edited (lemonz) : 10/4/2005 2:01:53 PM (GMT-6)