You have some very difficult days ahead. There are going to be times that you will be able to be strong and other times when you will need to cry and be angry. These are normal emotions. Losing a loved one is never easy. Especially to this darn disease. My father, both grandmothers and several friends died from cancer. So I do know what you are feeling right now. Be there w/ her and cherish each and every moment. Make sure that your other family members have the opportunity to come and tell her goodbye. One of the most difficult things that you, and your other family members are going to have to tell your mom, is that it is "okay to go". "That you are going to be fine". That permission is very important.It will be one of the most difficult things that you will have to do but also the greatest gift that you will be able to give your mother.
Hospice nurses are a special type of person. Please talk to them and let them help guide you and your family thru this time. They will have the tools to help you.
Sending lots of prayers and strength to you and your family. We are here to help you.
Christa is my sister in law. My husband and I thank God every day for the wonderful family we have. Christa has been a strong, supportive daughter and has been their every step of the way for her Mom and her Dad.
Her brother and I live 1200 miles away and have been able to come and visit twice over the last five months; and in between times and now, in these especially trying times...Christa has been a God send by keeping us up on all the news.
Through all of this, we know that although it will be very hard to say good bye; we know that we can not be selfish and wish for thier Mom, my mother in law; to stay here with us. She is in pain, and we would never want her to suffer that way.
My mother in law has taught us all that this is just part of the journey that God is taking us on. She has taught us that family is something that you should be thankful for every day. And we are......
Thanks to all of you for helping Christa with your kind and comforting words.
I'm not going to say I know how you feel because I've never had to prepare for someone's death in that way. I had a death happen due to cancer, but it happened so fast, we didn't even talk about it first. You have had the opportunity to hear her process about it and her wishes. Thankfully, you can try to please her in that way.
I wish you luck and it seems as if you have a very loving family behind you.
I can only tell you how much it meant to me to be by my mother's side when she lost her battle with cancer. While she was completely out of it in the end, there are two tender and special moments. My dad held her hand and told her that she had done a great job in preparing us, raising us all, we love her and that we'd miss her, but it was okay to go. The second was that mom chose to die at home and around her were four of her best friends, all from her graduating nursing class, to help her be comfortable and ease her passing.
It's hard to mourn when our loved ones are not yet gone, and yet we do.
Sending you lots of prayers.
Bertie: How wonderful it is that you took the time to share your feelings about your sil w/ us. I am so glad that you and your dh appreciate what Christa is doing. It is so difficult to be the child that is caring for a parent when the other siblings don't live near. Hopefully you and your family will be able to come as your mil's time gets near. Trust what the hospice nurses tell you.
Hugs and prayers...deb
Christa: My father also died at home. We were fortunate and only had to have a hospice nurse the night he died. My bil and nephew were in CA and trying to get back to Mo. We had a horrid ice and snow storm that entire day and evening. What would have normally been a 3 hr trip from the airport to my parent's home took almost 5. My father refused to go to bed until my bil and nephew arrived. Once they came, he agreed to lay down. We were all in the bedroom (my ds, bil, nephew, brother, my 2 dds and my mother). We each laid next to him and said our goodbyes and told him it was ok for him to go towards the light. The kids sang and danced and my bil played his guitar. We laughed and cried. If death can be beautiful, then my dad's was.
Hopefully, your db and sil will be able to come home and be there w/ you and your father and the rest of your family. It sounds as though it is important to your mom. Trust your hospice nurses. They are specially trained to tell the physician your mom's pain level.
Remember to take care of yourself. Your dad is going to need you and you need time for YOU.
I am Christa's sister in law. Thanks for everyone who posted responses when Christa shared her feelings about this terrible disease.
We lost our beloved Anna Mae (Christa's Mom; my mother in law) this past Sunday. But she was home and that is where she wanted to be.
She is in a better place now, with no pain and can once again look down upon us and smile......the disease is gone and she is happy again.
Thanks again to everyone! God Bless You All
Christa and Bertie: I am so sorry to hear about your mom. She put up a great fight and I am glad that she was at home, surrounded by her family and the things that she loved. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you.
Such sad news to hear...I'm so sorry for your loss.