I'm losing her fast and it hurts

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Have Faith
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Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 6/30/2006 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
sad  Hey girls...it hasn't been that long I posted about my mom...well her chemo is no longer working and today we got Hospice come to the house for the initial check in I suppose...As difficult as this is I do understand that sometimes people just can't win this dreadful disease...Mother has fault for over 14 years and she's holding her own at the moment...just keepin her out of pain is the only thing we are worried about now...the hospice nurse said something to me today that I will take to heart...she said Christa when your mother starts talking and brings up a name dont think she's just babbling...she is indeed talking to someone who is there and they are preparing her...I know as much pain that she's in right now it's the best thing for her to take His hand and finally rest...and it's the human part of me that doesn't want her to go...she's said she's lived a wondeful life and wants no tears...eventhough we know this is impossible I hold as strong as I can for her...I guess I'm so torn right now...anyone care to tell me what they think...???...

postal2
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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1106
   Posted 6/30/2006 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that my heart aches for you and your family. Your Mom is going to be fine, please believe that. When she goes she will be healthy and strong again, and she will always be around and love you and all the people she now loves. When my Dad was dieing, he did see people there, and although I could not see them, I know it was true. They were waiting to welcome him home.
My heart aches because I know how much it hurts the ones who stay behind. Time will help with this, so please take it one day at a time, and know you WILL see her again. She would want you to know she will always be with you. You and your family are in my prayers for comfort and strength.
L&H, Gail
  It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.
 
Elisabeth Kubler Ross


Jo-Ann
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Date Joined Jul 2003
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   Posted 6/30/2006 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I know just how you are feeling. The last words I ever said to my mother were, "It's okay to go now, Mom. Go towards the light and Pop will be on the other side. I love you, Mom". She left shortly after that. Mother had lost a leg to diabetes and suffered a very bad stroke. As much as I miss her, I just couldn't pray for her to stay with me, but had to pray that God's will be done.

I will now ask you, what will you pray for? No one is really dead until they are forgotten. I cannot forget my Mitchell and my parents. They were all with me when I found my first gray hair and laughed like hêll about it. I'm sure they're up there now having just a grand old time.

I will pray for you and your mother. A time like this is never easy and I discovered that it is okay to cry if you need to. We'll be here with hugs and tissues.

Jo-Ann
A good friend will bail you out of jail...
but a true friend will be sitting
next to you saying,
"Dâmn... that was fun!".


MNlady13
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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2044
   Posted 6/30/2006 9:12 PM (GMT -7)   
This has got to be one of the most difficult times in your life. You want someone, anyone to do something to make it all better. Please take to heart the advice and counsel others have offered, including the hospice nurse. I also would encourage you to get a copy of The Next Place by Warren Hanson. It is a lovely and comforting picture book that talks about the next place to which we go. Sending prayers for peace and accecptance, Lauri
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined" Thoreau
 
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


possitive
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 239
   Posted 6/30/2006 9:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Your mom will be in a beautiful place and have no more pain,your in my prayers.   Tammy

debbiR
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Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 7/1/2006 7:06 AM (GMT -7)   

You have some very difficult days ahead. There are going to be times that you will be able to be strong and other times when you will need to cry and be angry. These are normal emotions. Losing a loved one is never easy. Especially to this darn disease. My father, both grandmothers and several friends died from cancer. So I do know what you are feeling right now. Be there w/ her and cherish each and every moment. Make sure that your other family members have the opportunity to come and tell her goodbye. One of the most difficult things that you, and your other family members are going to have to tell your mom, is that it is "okay to go". "That you are going to be fine". That permission is very important.It will be one of the most difficult things that you will have to do but also the greatest gift that you will be able to give your mother.

Hospice nurses are a special type of person. Please talk to them and let them help guide you and your family thru this time. They will have the tools to help you.

Sending lots of prayers and strength to you and your family. We are here to help you.

Hugs...Deb


 


Brnadebt
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 688
   Posted 7/1/2006 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Christa

I lost my wonderful mother to cancer too, we stood by her side for 2 weeks until she was gone. It still has been the hardest things I have ever been thru but something I could never replace. We were able to say how much we loved each other and give lots of hugs. Iam so glad that I was able to be there, I would not have been able to deal with not saying goodbye.

May I make some suggestions?? There are alot of things I never asked my mom that I wish that I would have, so if there is anything you want answered thank God that you have the chance. I stood next to her side, held her hand and was able to kiss her goodbye when she breathed her last breath.

Just remember leaving this world does not mean she is gone, she is in a better place resting and waiting for you.

Many many hugs to you.

Bernadette
 
 


Have Faith
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 7/3/2006 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank all you ladies for your loving words...This is such a long and hard road to walk and at times I feel like I'm by myself which isnt true...I have other family memebers that help out...But I feel in my heart and I think in my mind "I Have To Be There"..so I am...I have been with her since Dec 28th when we got the first word that this monster was back thru all the chemo treatments and now to this...I dont know if it's me but I can honestly handle things better when I'm alone...does that sound weird...???...we are in the process of arrangements now and what gets me is how is it I can talk about all this to others and not totally freak out...??...perhaps it's from dealin with this all these months..???...I just dont know...all I know is I will be by her side until her last breath...Thank each and every one of you
God Bless You All
Christa
 
 
 
"God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, Courage to change things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference."

Bertie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/3/2006 5:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Christa is my sister in law. My husband and I thank God every day for the wonderful family we have. Christa has been a strong, supportive daughter and has been their every step of the way for her Mom and her Dad.

Her brother and I live 1200 miles away and have been able to come and visit twice over the last five months; and in between times and now, in these especially trying times...Christa has been a God send by keeping us up on all the news.

Through all of this, we know that although it will be very hard to say good bye; we know that we can not be selfish and wish for thier Mom, my mother in law;  to stay here with us.  She is in pain, and we would never want her to suffer that way.

My mother in law has taught us all that this is just part of the journey that God is taking us on.  She has taught us that family is something that you should be thankful for every day.  And we are......

Thanks to all of you for helping Christa with your kind and comforting words.


coopfesta
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Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 1373
   Posted 7/4/2006 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   

Christa:

I'm not going to say I know how you feel because I've never had to prepare for someone's death in that way.  I had a death happen due to cancer, but it happened so fast, we didn't even talk about it first.  You have had the opportunity to hear her process about it and her wishes.  Thankfully, you can try to please her in that way.

I wish you luck and it seems as if you have a very loving family behind you.


"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
Don't knock on Death's Door.  Ring the bell and run.  He hates that.

Ellen


gumoore
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 7/4/2006 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   

I can only tell you how much it meant to me to be by my mother's side when she lost her battle with cancer. While she was completely out of it in the end, there are two tender and special moments. My dad held her hand and told her that she had done a great job in preparing us, raising us all, we love her and that we'd miss her, but it was okay to go. The second was that mom chose to die at home and around her were four of her best friends, all from her graduating nursing class, to help her be comfortable and ease her passing.

It's hard to mourn when our loved ones are not yet gone, and yet we do.

Sending you lots of prayers.

Hugs,

Gayle


Gayle
 
Life is short, wear your party pants!


jaaustin
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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 741
   Posted 7/5/2006 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Christa,
I can only imagine what a difficult time this is for you. My thoughts are with you. I hope the fact that you two can be together will bring comfort to both of you.
Hugs,
Julie
Do not go gentle into that goodnight,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
~Dylan Thomas


Have Faith
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 7/5/2006 3:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Gayle...
What I'm going thru sounds just like what you went thru...she is at home...as her and I talked today I asked if she had dreampt of anything..as in those who passed maybe...she said not really...not yet she said when I do I want to share them all with you...her mind is still perfect she does take morphine I guess what I dont understand though is why some days it hurts and others it dont...so yes some days we are on morphine and some we arent...she did tell me today that when it's her time she hopes to have all yer babies with her...my sister and my brother along with my dad...I hope she will be able to wait for all of us to be there...I know no one knows the day or time so we just hug, talk, laugh and cry everyday we have...
 
You ALL have been a huge strength to me...I thank each and every one of you...Hugs to all
 
God Bless
Christa
 

debbiR
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Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 7/5/2006 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Bertie: How wonderful it is that you took the time to share your feelings about your sil w/ us. I am so glad that you and your dh appreciate what Christa is doing. It is so difficult to be the child that is caring for a parent when the other siblings don't live near. Hopefully you and your family will be able to come as your mil's time gets near. Trust what the hospice nurses tell you.

Hugs and prayers...deb


 


debbiR
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Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 7/5/2006 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   

Christa: My father also died at home. We were fortunate and only had to have a hospice nurse the night he died. My bil and nephew were in CA and trying to get back to Mo. We had a horrid ice and snow storm that entire day and evening. What would have normally been a 3 hr trip from the airport to my parent's home took almost 5. My father refused to go to bed until my bil and nephew arrived. Once they came, he agreed to lay down. We were all in the bedroom (my ds, bil, nephew, brother, my 2 dds and my mother). We each laid next to him and said our goodbyes and told him it was ok for him to go towards the light. The kids sang and danced and my bil played his guitar. We laughed and cried. If death can be beautiful, then my dad's was.

Hopefully, your db and sil will be able to come home and be there w/ you and your father and the rest of your family. It sounds as though it is important to your mom.  Trust your hospice nurses. They are specially trained to tell the physician your mom's pain level.

Remember to take care of yourself. Your dad is going to need you and you need time for YOU.

Hugs...Deb


 


hillynicky
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 7/6/2006 7:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Good luck...You will be in my prayers.

Bertie
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/12/2006 10:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Everyone-

I am Christa's sister in law. Thanks for everyone who posted responses when Christa shared her feelings about this terrible disease.

We lost our beloved Anna Mae (Christa's Mom; my mother in law) this past Sunday.  But she was home and that is where she wanted to be.

She is in a better place now, with no pain and can once again look down upon us and smile......the disease is gone and she is happy again.

Thanks again to everyone! God Bless You All


gma
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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 7/13/2006 5:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Bertie, thanks for letting us know. My prayers are with your family. No death is easy but I feel when there is no chance of getting better, going on to a better life is much preferable. Hugs MK


Brnadebt
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 688
   Posted 7/13/2006 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Christa and Bertie

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this trying time. Just remember that she is in a much better place now and has no more pain.

L&H
Bernadette
 
 


MNlady13
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Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2044
   Posted 7/13/2006 7:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Condolences to you and the family in this loss. I am so sorry this was the outcome. We continue to lose too many good women. Hugs, Lauri
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined" Thoreau
 
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


babyseeester
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 826
   Posted 7/15/2006 9:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry to hear that she is gone, but glad that she was at home with her family when she passed.  She is in a better place and no longer suffers.  My condolences to your family during this difficult time.
L & H,
Kathy


debbiR
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 730
   Posted 7/21/2006 6:36 AM (GMT -7)   

Christa and Bertie: I am so sorry to hear about your mom. She put up a great fight and I am glad that she was at home, surrounded by her family and the things that she loved. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

Prayers...Deb


 


gumoore
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 7/21/2006 11:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Such sad news to hear...I'm so sorry for your loss.

 


Gayle
 
Life is short, wear your party pants!

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