Remembering Her

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Have Faith
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 9/5/2006 5:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I haven't been here in sometime now...on July 9th I lost my mom from a 14 year fight...Her cancer came back right around Christmas time and from there on it was a ride every week to get treatments or some other Dr. appt.  I was there..I took her...giving daddy a chance to rest if he could...we had gotten Hospice in (and what wonderful people they were) ...my lasting memories ...???... my son races on a dirt track and she always expected a call from me on Friday night's just to see how he did...well this Friday afternoon I was about to leave and I told her " Momma, tonight I'll let you get some rest" ...she said just smiled...Sat morning around 6am daddy called for me to get there...my sister and I did just that...once there we both decided "We're here until"...we told daddy just that and he knew her time was close and cried...that night she was in and out...we gotten up once to help her get up (or she thought she needed too) and my sister said "Mom, there's Chris"...momma's last words as she looked at me..."Well, there's my Chris"...we had called my brother in from the mid west and his wife they were due to arrive 4:30 on Sunday...when Sunday morning came momma's breathing was very labored...we would speak to her and she would move a body part so I knew she heard us...I had asked "Momma when ya get there can you let me know"...she moved again...we all gave her the okay to be with Our Lord...a little after 4 daddy came to the front porch to get us..he said "Girls, mom aint gonna be here much longer"...we all went in and sat on the bedside and watched her take those three last breathes...as difficult as it was then I was overjoyed that she had no more pain...then within seconds this beautiful prism began to twinkle around her...I just said "Thank you momma, I know your there now"...it was her sign she had given me...within those 15 minutes my brother came in and dropped to his knees he had missed her...
 
Almost 2 months have passed and things are going well...it's difficult expecially like today when it's all rain...we would race each other to the phone just to ask "Is it raining at your house" then we'd talk and talk and just watch the rain...the last few days for me have been terrible I can't stop the crying...I went to the Hospice House today and asked them for some sort of help in healing and also asked if there was anything I Can do...they will hold a meeting in October and asked if I'd like to come...I will...So this is where my life is heading...helpin those who can't always seem to help themselves...I know I've been there...when momma would nap she would wake only to see if I was there...when she seen that I was and I told her "Yep momma I'm still here" she would be at comfort and doze back off...if I can make any difference then I've felt I'm helping and it'll be helping me as well...
 
Thank you ladies for being here for me when I needed you most...If I had long enough arms I would hug each and every one of you personally...
 
Sincerely
Christa
 
PS - On a lighter note if anyone would like to see my son's webpage I'll write down his address...I built it just to pass the time and let it clear my head...please leave comments or suggestions...any one interested in seeing the page I had just for my son's grandmother...my mother...I' will show you but I have since taken it down thinking it's time to start healing...
 
 

Have Faith
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 9/5/2006 5:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Silly me I didn't post my sons web address after rambling all that...

www.breedingsmotorsports.com

Thank you ladies hugs to each and every one of you!!!


MNlady13
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2044
   Posted 9/5/2006 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
How touching, Christa. I can only imagine how sad and difficult the last few months have been for you and your family. Someone I knew was at his father's bedside when his dad passed. He said it was a sacred moment. It sounds like it was that way for you too. Thank you for sharing this most personal moment with us.

In addition to the hospice group, you might look for a grief support group to help you through this healing time. Whatever you do, I hope you find peace. Hugs, Lauri
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams. Live the life you always imagined" Thoreau
 
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


CandleGlo
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 9/6/2006 7:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Christa,
 
I'm very sorry for your recent loss.  I was with both my parents when they passed and know how you must be feeling.  I would encourage you to do as Lauri suggested and try to find a grief recovery group.  It helped me a lot.  They had one at our local hospital and it was free to the public.  They just asked that you call to register because they liked to keep the groups fairly small.

barkyboys
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1564
   Posted 9/6/2006 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Christa...I sat with my father the days and nights before he passed, afraid that I would miss the opportunity to tell him good-bye that one last time before he slipped away from us. As awful as it was to lose him, I wouldn't trade those last days with him for anything.

My mother passed away when I was very young, but I remember well the last good-bye I had given her, the last kiss that had fluttered upon my cheek, the hug that was too short for my longing arms, but as long as she could hold me without letting the tears spill. And I only wish that I had known then that it would be the last. I would have understood what only confused and hurt me then.

I hope you find peace for yourself, Christa. Your mom, I know, wouldn't want you spending the rest of your life mourning the loss of hers. Please remember that what we do with our days is ultimately how we spend our lives, and right now, you are spending your life in pain and suffering. Your mom would be the first person to tell you that every day is precious. Having lived with cancer, we are all too aware here of just what a gift a day is. Your mom wouldn't want you to give a single day of your life to her cancer. It's already taken her life. Don't let it take away yours as well. Get some help if you need it...counseling or a support group or a minister you can confide in. Honor your mom with memories that make you smile.


Love and hugs,
BEV

babyseeester
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 826
   Posted 9/6/2006 3:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Christa,
 
That was very touching.  I am sitting here wiping the tears away.  I was with my mother when she passed in 1993 and I cry everytime I think of those last moments with her.  She and the rest of my family are in Ohio and I'm in California.  I was almost like your brother, but I made it in time.  We all had to make the decision to stop any efforts to keep her alive.  That was the hardest thing I've ever done.  I wasn't there to see the decline (it was a short 2 weeks), so I couldn't believe there was nothing else to do.  It was supposed to be a routing operation for diverticulitis.  I'm still not sure what exactly went wrong, but she slipped into a coma and was terribly bloated (internal bleeding, I think).  I know she knew I made it to be with her, because when I entered her room and started talking to her (after catching my breathe at what she looked like), a tear came out of her eye and she turned her head slightly towards me and tried to say something (she was in a coma).  I will always wonder what she was trying to say.  I am the baby of the family and my mom's favorite (I think, anyway).  For the last 3 or so hours of her life, my 2 sisters and I were with her.  I wouldn't let go of her hand.  My brother came in at the very last, so that we were all with her.  We sang "Amazing Grace" (her favorite) as best we could as she passed.  The nurse even helped sing. 
 
My point of telling you this is no matter how short or long it's been, moments like this will always make us cry and that's OK.  Everyone handles grief in their own way and that's OK, too.  Just remember, life does go on and you will always have your memories.
 
Thank you for sharing your precious moments with us.
L & H,
Kathy


Have Faith
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 9/6/2006 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
All you ladies truly amaze me...I wish I had you all in my living room so I could hug, laugh and cry with all of you...the support you give to me and others makes us have hope that we CAN get thru this and in time things will get better...I've kept eerything inside...become distant with my husband (which I know is WAY wrong) but I just can't seem to open up to him...I feel that he doesn't understand even when he says I'm tryin...I too am the baby of 3 siblings and I was about momma more then any of them...Now I feel like I have to do something...so what do I do...???..go to the farm where daddy lives and I'm tryin to get into helpin at Hospice...I truly dont know if I should be doin this but I feel like I should...???...I am very good with people...I had a day care for 14 years and love people in general...but then I hear others saying that I need a happy job...(which I run my husbands company) so it would be part time anyhow...just to get out and help...???...Am I wrong for wanting to help with Hospice...??...my heart tells me yes but will this make me so sad that I cant' get past this...???..I so need to be around those patients right now just to hold their hand and give them a hug ...shoot I have no experience what so ever so I dont even know what I will do or even am allowed to do...I just dont know ladies...please help me find my way again...???..
 
*Huge hugs with soft tears*
Christa
 

babyseeester
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 826
   Posted 9/7/2006 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Christa,
 
Follow your gut. There is nothing wrong with at least trying it to see how it makes you feel.  Maybe a first step could be doing some volunteer work.
 
My experience with BC has made me make the major decision to become a Radiation Therapist.  Mine was so great, he really influenced me.  I know I can make a difference, because I've been there.  I went back to school and am determined to take it all the way.  It's going to be 3-4 years, but the pay off will be very gratifying.   
L & H,
Kathy


Have Faith
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 9/7/2006 12:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Kathy...
My sister is a Radiologist and I know she loves her job...I do believe I will make a difference...perhaps go back to school to help even more...
 
I will indeed follow my heart no matter what others say...I realize they want me happy again and only afraid being around patients will make it difficult but that's okay...I'll be helping them
 
Thank you
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