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Anthi
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 7/18/2007 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Well the situation with my mom hasn't got much better. 
She's 94 and went into a retirement home just over 3 weeks ago.  She hasn't settled down well and has been calling me many many times every day demanding to be taken back to her own home.  I finally drove up there last week having arranged with the home that she would be leaving.  When I got there she announced that she liked it very  much and wanted to stay !!   BUT once I got back from my trip her phone calls started again - they're now up to about 30 or 40 a day.  There's a slight improvement - sometimes she likes it and thinks she'll stay there and sometimes she can't  bear to stay another minute and wants me to go and take her home .  She really can't help it as her short term  memory is really bad and the move has caused it to deteriorate dramatically.  But I do hope she'll settle down soon.
 
All this has made me feel even more tired than I did before.  I think the tiredness is partly from Herceptin which seems to really knock me out.   I had a little scare this week too.  I noticed a hard lumpy patch just below my nipple and started worrying about it so went to get it checked out.  They did a mammogram and ultrasound and they confirmed that it was just changes caused by radiotherapy.  What a relief !
 
Best wishes everyone and take care.
Anthi

gma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 7/19/2007 4:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Anthi, I can't imagine getting all those phone calls from your mother! My mother is also 94 and has been in a home for the aged about 15 months now. It is a big adjustment for them, that's for sure. But she will settle down and accept that she is where she needs to be. They are fed three square meals a day and kept clean. If they will participate there are activites to keep them occupied, too. There is no way I can care for my mother, and it sounds like you have more than enough on your plate, too. Talk to the people there and see if they can somehow stop all the phone calls. Or do something to shut off your phone, you can't stand all that stress. If her short term memory is bad, she probably doesn't remember making the call two minutes ago. When I talk to my mother on the phone she tells me the same thing about three or four times with no idea she just finished the very same sentence. So don't feel like the phone calls are for real. My mother doesn't remember in the evening if she had any company or phone calls that day, she tells me she talked to no one, then I find out her sister was there and took her out to lunch. Do you have a brother or sister to help? Please feel free to email me if you need to talk about this situation off the board. I would even be glad to call you and talk if it would help. You don't need the stress in your life while you are fighting breast cancer. Hugs MK


Anthi
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 7/19/2007 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello MK and many thanks for your very helpful reply.  Your mother's condition sounds very similar to my mother's  - i.e. not remembering what she has done or saying she's had no visitors when in fact she's had loads etc.  Thank  you for reminding me that the phone calls aren't 'for real' - that is so true and it's something I shall keep telling myself.

No - I have only one sister and she lives in the USA (I'm in the UK).  She's great and does a lot for Mother when she comes but obviously can't come to the UK very often. She's recently been here for several weeks and it was she who organised getting Mother into the home (it was Mother's own choice by the way).  My sister wanted to get it all done while she was here to save me the trouble as I've had BC. 

There are no other relatives close by so there's no-one else Mother can call and unfortunately my phone number seems to be one thing she hasn't forgotten!

I've started unplugging my phone at night so that I can get some sleep and now I'm only answering a few of the daytime calls - otherwise quite apart from the stress levels -  it's impossible to get anything done. I shall see how it goes and keep on hoping that she settles down. 

I'll let you know what happens.

Take care

Hugs - Anthi


gma
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 2921
   Posted 7/19/2007 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I am really surprised she knows your phone number. My mother can't ever find her book where she has numbers and there is no way she can call. I doubt she ever learned the numbers because she has not called that much. I am usually the one who calls her. I programmed her phone about two years ago but she didn't understand then how to use it, now it would be impossible. My mother sits and plays Solitaire and does crosswords. It is surprising how much of the crosswords she gets done, too. I made a mistake and bought her pink cards just for fun only to learn that the suits were not different colors, everything was pink and white. I watched her play for awhile to see if she would recognize the shapes and put them together correctly when playing. For the most part she did, but she never mentioned how strange it was to have them all pink and white. I can only imagine how frightening it has to be to reach that stage in life. She realizes how confused she is sometimes and really clams up then. Anytime you need to vent please feel free to email me. Since you are across the pond I guess I can't call. LOL. I have a set amount phone bill with unlimited long distance, but that doesn't include out of the USA. Hugs, MK


barkyboys
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 1564
   Posted 7/25/2007 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Anthi...it is so hard when the child suddenly becomes the parent, and the parent becomes the child. I think you are doing the right thing by unplugging the phone. You need your rest. If you don't take care of you first, you are no good for anyone, including your mom.

My MIL lived with us in her last few years. At night, she would come into my room at all hours and ask if it was time to get up. At my doctor's suggestion, we were about to the point where we were going to start locking her in her room at night...and she suddenly stopped wandering around and pestering me while I was sleeping.

So maybe once your mom settles in and starts feeling more "at home," she, too, will settle down and lay off the darned phone!

It's a terrible thing, to feel that you have outlived your usefulness, lost your independence, and know your mind is slipping. I don't want to die young, but I don't want to get that old, either! I think I'd rather die looking forward to tomorrow rather than wake up every morning dreading another long day of living.

Did you ever tell your mom about your cancer? I remember you were trying to decide what to do about that when you were first diagnosed. If you did, she may just be afraid of losing you before she goes.

You take care of you, Anthi.

Love and hugs...
BEV
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.  -Charles Schulz

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