As much as I thought I was ready for all this, At the same time, I am NOT.
I am so afraid. But I guess it is natural to have all of these feeling.
My son came home from Arizonia this passed week ( he lives there, and is 22)
We got into a huge fight the day he was to leave, He said he as changing his ticket so he could be here on Friday....I lost it..literally......we got into a huge fight, I do not want him here, He has watched me go through so much between the Crohns and the sezures alone his young teen years ere horrible.
I cannot let him see me like this, and I do not want to worry that after he sees me, that he may have that feeling that he wants to go back to drugs.....He has been clean for 9 months, and I was afraid that this may make him weak enough to go back.
Don't get me wrong, I know he is strong and I really do trust that he would never go back to that life, BUT, tere is always that possibility esp., here near chicago where it is so accesible.
I told him this is different from crohns and the other cancers, that this is going to be alot different for me, and that I need to concentrate on me, and although I know he is older and wiser, I cannot go into surgery ondering what he is doing.
He said, I am your only blood, and you don't want me there, that is bull sh&^.
Yes, I said, But we talked about it before he came and he knew then that I did not want him here.
We ended up better before he left, but he still has very hard feeling.
We both said terrible things......I said to him that when people LOVE HARD they FIGHT HARD...so for him not to feel guilty about the things he said, nor do,
Do I do the right thing........??????
Brain tumor 1981
Dx.Crohns disease 1996
bowel resecction 2001
Thyroid cancer 2001
breast cancer .....currently waiting treatment options
seizure disorder .....all my life.