anxiety; my teenage daughter is having SEX !

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cbear
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 8/7/2009 2:23 PM (GMT -7)   
shocked  hi this is a probloem ive never seen here b4. my daughter began having sex with her boyfriend last year when she was 18. they have been dating for over 1 1/2 yrs. they are both now 19. i have talked to my daughter openly about sex, as was age appropriate, since she was very young. she has also been taught, as a christian, to wait until marriage, if at all possible. i am, however, a realist, so i also talked with her about making that decision when cool headed, not in the heat of the moment. i also asked her to please talk to me b4 she did have sex. even though i knew they are in love and care very deeply about each other. they go to school very far away from each other, but are able to visit and stay with each other when they are together. (college life sure has changed!). when she came to me and said they were planning to have sex, i was so caught off guard. bcause of the way she was raised, i felt sex was at least 2 or 3 yrs. away. when she talked to me about it i told her i thought she should wait, that i didnt approve, but that ultimately the decision was hers. i wanted to scream, "NO! DONT DO IT YET ! but i  didnt really think that would change anything except that she probably wouldnt talk to me ab out it anymore. however, she had done everything i had ever asked her to do. she was very mature about it. i bought her female birth control. she was supposed to be on the pill ( she was taking it sporadically, i found out later). but he did use a condom and i also bought her the plan b. i wanted her to be protected even though i didne approve. they are each others 1st so no worry about stds. my problem is i thought i had done everything right over the yrs. and now i feel like a failure. she feels as if she did wait and that its not a sin bcause they love each other. ive asked what would happen if she got pregnant and her 1st answer was shed probably get an abortion! shes been a right to lifer all her life. i ciouldnt believe it! recently she said if that happened her life would b over because she would have a baby to take care of. what i want to do is sit down with both of them and have an open and honest dicussion about all the possibilties and how they will feel if they dont stay together. its a gift she can only give once. i know if i do this she will be FURIOUS with me, but i feel that as a mother its my duty to make sure she is still making wise, well thought out decisions. what would you do? ps my daughter made her boyfriend tell his parents when they bcame sexually active. i thought was a mature act on her part. his parents are not religious and were not at all shocked.          

Stari
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 8/7/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
cbear,
Hi, take a deep, deep breath! Talk to your daughter about birth control and how important it is to stay on it. It will all be ok in time.

Take care

Stari
 


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/7/2009 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Definately think about a depo shot (since she is not good about taking a pill everyday) and condoms. Plan B is an excellent idea as well. But might I ask how old you were when you had her?
At some point in time she has to have enough space to make mistakes (granted it is a forever mistake) and frankly both of this "kids" are of age.  Not that I think that it is a great idea, but is judgement the path you really want to take?  It might help to speak with professional counselor to help with you with this conversation if you are really wanting to do it.


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 8/7/2009 7:18:54 PM (GMT-6)


cbear
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 8/8/2009 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
to answer your ? i was 30 yrs. old when i had our daughter. she is an only child so im sure im in her "business" way too much. we have always been a close family, even though we have had our bad moments, especially during the early teen yrs. we have always been very open and she knows that she call talk to us about anything. i was a virgin when i got married at 22. i didnt necessarily expect that out of her but i did think shed wait a couple of yrs. longer. as i told her, in the end it was her decision. we have treated both of them very well even though we dont approve of what they are doing. we even took them on a trip last spring break. weve taken them out to dinner and even given them $ to go to the movies. i think that speaks volumes about how we are showing them love and respect. i know that they love each and he treats her very well. i guess i should just be thankful shes made a wise decision in boys and trust that weve raised her well and accept her decision. she is a strait a student and has a huge heart. she wants to help others whenever she can. i think God is more concerned with that than whether she has sex with someone she loves deeply, even though they r not married. i think writing this blog has helped open my eyes to whats really important. thank you to the 2 of u who cared enough to answer my post.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/9/2009 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I have to admit I wish people could wait till they were able to support a child, but that is no longer really fesible. You also might want to post this in a/p so you get more support.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


Stari
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 8/9/2009 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
hi cbear, how ya doing today? My oldest son was 19 when he got married to his first girlfriend. One year after their wedding I became a grandmother. The bummer of this is that I live 800 miles from them and thanks to fibro it might be awhile until I either fly to drive to their city.

I remember when I graduated from high school in 77 that girls got married right after high school and if you weren't married by 20 you were an old maid.

Take care,

Stari
 

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