NEED HELP ASAP!!!!!!!

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FallenAngel311
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 2/27/2006 11:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Anyone know of any scholarships to help people with CFS with expenses... (living expenses more so... I can get PLENTY to help with school costs)??

I'm going to college in August to start the 6-7 year process on getting my Doctorate in Veterinary Medicine. This is a goal I have set for myself... and I'm going to do it come heck or high water... but I KNOW that full time college and working, plus school work is not going to be possible with me. I'm not married, nor do I have a boyfriend who's supportive and willing to help me towards my goals in life... so I'm at this on my own. (no my family won't help either... my mom or dad can't... mom's barely makin it... dad's on disability... and they're divorced). My mom's side of the family basically doesn't give a crap about any of us. When I sent out emails to my aunts and uncles to let them know that I got accepted into Penn State... only one replied... and they said "Congrats, but we can't give you any money"... AND I DID NOT EVEN ASK FOR ANY!!!

Only people on my dad's side of the family that I know, is my grandma (who's on SS), and my Aunt... and they're both financially strapped.

I have limited options and need help, and not quite sure where to start looking. Tried searches, but didn't come up with much. I want to go back to college more than anything... and I want to be a Veterinarian... and I want to help people and animals. I know my limitations, but I'm not willing to give this dream up for anyone or anything... I AM going to do this... I just don't know how I'm going to manage living while I'm working at it.

**********************************************************

Advice part. The guy I've been "seeing". He's got a lot of good qualities... I've tried explaining to him (like my mother) about what having CFS is like. I tried the spoon theory... I've tried everything. He responds with "well go take a walk or something"......

I know he has a heart in there somewhere. But when I was asking him about how things were going to work while I'm going back to school. Right now, he lives about 52 miles from me... and we rarely get to see each other now. I asked him about getting a place, and he said that would be a good idea... but when I asked him what would happen if I couldn't work while I'm going back to school (i'm gonna try it... but if it doesn't work and start affecting my grades, i'm not working). His reply... "well then I guess we couldn't live together".... when not even 2 or 3 months ago he said "if I had to take a second job I would".

I got blown off for months last year because he didn't have any money because he couldn't wait to save up and get a supercharger for his car... he took out a loan and was broke trying ot pay it off. After it was paid off... it was because he was always working on his car. Now... I'm into cars... normally I don't mind my man working on his car here and there. But for MONTHS?!?!?! I told him I missed him... numerous times. But he didn't make it down. Later on he says he didn't realize I missed him?? Like in all those months,... didn't he miss me at all?? I'd have been "ok" if he would have even made the effort to call me.... but didn't even do that.

I know there's a good heart in there somewhere. I'm a simple person... just a text message or note or email here and there to say "I'm just thinking about you" or "just wanted to tell you I loved you"... puts a smile on my face.

The problem is... he says that he's always just waited for things to happen in life... and even he said he's lazy and doesn't want to work for anything. I've been trying and trying to make things work... and I get nothing back. I really really really really do care about him... but I hurt so much right now I don't think I can deal with this anymore. We've had a lot of ups and downs... but I don't know if I can take this anymore. He doesn't seem to care about anything that doesn't affect him directly or doesn't benefit him in some way at all... yet he says he loves me and wants to be with me... and he gets so upset when we fight he gets sick. He's done some things that really hurt me... but I've forgave and forgot.

I've tried explaining to him to give him an idea of what it is like to be me... what it is like to have CFS. I don't expect him to understand completely... but to know that I do have a medical condition and understand that, and understand that I do have limitations. All I want from him is to know that he is going to stand by me through good and bad, pick me up when I fall, and work TOGETHER as a TEAM on our future... and he can't even answer me that. I know I love him... but he doesn't understand how much all of this really hurts me. I mean I'm bawling my eyes out now as I'm typing all of this... he really has no idea how much this hurts me at all. He's been a part of my life for a while now, and I don't want to just give up on him... but it hurts so much and I can't take hurting anymore. What do I do?
Hugs,

Nikki

I have chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety (at this current moment), and some minor abdominal pain which still hasn't been figured out yet... need a break from all the testing ;)


Foreign
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2004
Total Posts : 674
   Posted 2/28/2006 6:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Fallen,
Sorry to hear that you haven't been feelin the best.
I hope things work out for you and your significant other, the only advice I can think of at the moment is do what you gotta do to make you happy, both mentally and health wise. Try getting him to join the site, or maybe get him to go to a doctor appointment ... maybe hearing it from a doctor will help make him realise you are not making this all up that it is a real condition.

Hope all goes well with school and what not.

Take Care, Mel
Co-Moderator for Fibro
Moderator for CFS
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FallenAngel311
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 3/2/2006 6:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your reply... I'll figure something out...

ANyone else please??? I'm trying to gather as much opinions as possible
Hugs,

Nikki

I have chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety (at this current moment), and some minor abdominal pain which still hasn't been figured out yet... need a break from all the testing ;)

Medications:

CFS: Provigil 200mg, once a day
Anxiety: Lorazepam .5 or 1mg 3xs a day or as needed


sslaird
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/3/2006 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   

dear fallenangel,

i think part of cfs is learning to put our own needs on the same plane as other's needs. you obviously are thinking of what you want and how to get it with school. i went to school and didnt work, using financial aid. i have had to defer payment on my loans because i cannot work enough to pay them. this may be an option for you.

the boyfriend sounds too immature to deal with a serious chronic illness. this is not a put-down, just an observation. you may want to just enjoy him occasionally without the heavy emotional ties that a serious relationship entails. do what feels good, and dont waste your precious energy on trying to change him; it wont help the relationship and it will hurt you. i think you already know this but are afraid to give yourself permission to enjoy the good parts and not expect more. if you are afraid of supporting yourself and going to school without his help, remind yourself of how far you have come without his help so far (your whole life before him).

good luck reaching your happiness


FallenAngel311
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 3/3/2006 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hmmm... that's another way of lookin at it. I guess I'm afraid of having to go through all of this on my own. The only people who are standing behind me are my dad (who lives in VA), my grandma, and my sister (who's moving to Illinois soon) is finally starting to come around and be more understanding. I am still missing that one piece of my life (having someone to share it with) and I guess I'm scared of having to start all over again.

It just hurts because the guy in question at the moment, has always harped on me (before my official diagnosis) to get more motivated, and to do something with my life because he said he didn't think I was living up to my potential and thought I could be so much more. I finally got to the point where I knew what it was I wanted to do with my life, and started down the path, and it just seems lately he's abandoned me... and it hurts. Not to mention, I know, and I mean KNOW he's hiding things from me. He's always complaining about how I don't talk to him enough about things and don't share enough with him, so I do, yet I've realized, I know not much at all about his past, and he doesn't share much of anything with me at all, except for when he's having a bad day at work.

Lately he's been going out with his "friends from work" a heck of a lot,... which he didn't do before... yet has no time to see me... but will say he misses me and wants to come down, then next thing I know something comes up.

It just hurts... it really really hurts. I feel in my heart it's time to let go and move on to someone who WILL accept me for me, and will be there for me no matter what, and love me the way I am... but it's so hard to do. It hurts even more because:

I was raped 4 1/2 years ago. The night it happened, I was supposed to go out with my then boyfriend at the time... well obviously that didn't happen. I called him the next day and told him what happened, he told me to meet up with him at this gas station, didn't show up, and never returned my calls after that.

Now the guy I'm "with" now, I told him from the start what happened, and it's going to be a while before I feel I can trust him. Not that it was his fault, but after that happened, I was afraid to trust anyone with my heart again. I finally gave him my heart... and what I was afraid of happening, has happened... my heart is broken again.

Since our last argument, I've pretty much let go (told him we're just friends now unless he shapes up, which I'm not holding my breath for), and that I'm not waiting around for him to decide what he wants anymore.

In a way I feel liberated, but inside my heart is still broken, and I still feel empty and sad. I have a lot on my plate right now and don't need the extra stress from him... I really don't... but it just hurts so much...
Hugs,

Nikki

I have chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety (at this current moment), and some minor abdominal pain which still hasn't been figured out yet... need a break from all the testing ;)

Medications:

CFS: Provigil 200mg, once a day
Anxiety: Lorazepam .5 or 1mg 3xs a day or as needed

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