Raising children when I have CFS

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OneVision
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/19/2007 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I was wondering if anyone has CFS and is trying to have and/or raise has children? How do you handle having kids while you have CFS? My energy runs out fast........my significant other wants to have kids someday and I wonder how I could potentially handle it. Any ideas or suggestions?
 
-Michael

kota
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 10/20/2007 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Micheal...each of us suffers in different ways. For me I had a virus go to my bone marrow(Human parvo-virus). I have a 9yr old and a 4 yr old. I also suffer from depression which doesn't help my chronic fatigue. I get short tempered w/ my children at times and my memory stinks so trying to remember homework, keeping up w/ chores ect. is hard at times. Of course the worst thing about chronic fatigue/fibro, is the fact that some of us don't look sick so my husband doesn't always understand. Kids do help to keep you young but it is a personal choice. Hope this helps. Kota
*********************************
DX:Epilepsy
Fibromyalgia
Chronic Fatigue
Restless Leg Sydnrome
Neutropenia
Factor V Leiden
IBS

OneVision
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/21/2007 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for responding Kota. Does having children provide a source of energy? Or is it more draining? Are there things you and your husband do to manage differently than people without CFS/health issues? (ie, nanny, extended daycare, one parent stays at home, etc.)? I sleep 11 hours/day....sometimes more. If you're in a similar situation, how do you and your husband work with this? I work 50 hrs/wk., and the limited time left over after work and sleep I spend with my significant other, and creating art (its usually an energy source). Thanks for any additional advice you may have. Take care,
-Michael

rightasrain
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/21/2007 3:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Michael, I'm new here and registered just so I could reply to your post lol cool

I've had CFS for 22 years. I got sick 9 months after my 3rd child (who had heart problems and more), so had my 4th when I was ill. Of course it's different for you because you don't have to give birth while sick - don't know how I did it - but of course it's still tough, no doubt about it.

If your "significant other" wants children, you'll have to sit down and have an honest talk about it in my opinion....mainly because if you don't get better your illness could become what they call chronic which means it has set in and she will have to do the caring which would be hard when/if she goes back to work, leaving it to you.

I have found that my illness has really affected my marriage and we will be married 30 years in 2 weeks. Where have all the years gone. Also my husband is the one with the expectations, I'm the one that takes it easy - this mix doesn't always work well with illness, especially I'm the "take it easy" personality who's got it. So put children into the mix and kapow, that's volatile in my opinion.

Then again, I would never be without my kids. They are just wonderful people (the youngest is 21 soon), artistic, creative, thoughtful, outspoken, super citizens and wow, where did I go right? lol... But of course this is all in hindsight, unlike yourself.

So you've asked some tough questions. Here are some more of my thoughts:

"Does having children provide a source of energy?" - mainly no, but that might be just me. Then again, it depends what you do. Is it emotionally draining? - yes if you have a partner who has high expectations in child rearing. No if you can let things go. It's also down to personality, not just whether you're sick or not.

"Are there things you and your husband do to manage differently than people without CFS/health issues?" Yes, especially if the ill person has to pace themselves. My husband would take them on hikes and outings. We've been on outings say in the city, and I've become desperate and haven't been able to go on. So that's the end of that. People without CFS have stamina, will-power, stickability, reliability - reliability being a huge issue in my opinion. Then there's work - I haven't been able to work fulltime - a huge issue in our marriage bringing on the topic of Money with a capital M. How will you manage in the money stakes if the well partner thinks they do everything around the place and out in the world, and think you do nothing? (speaking from experience here)... A huge stress on a relationship and drop kids into the mix - well, use your imagination....

"creating art (its usually an energy source)" - I'm an artist too, Michael. It's a wonderful thing getting into that other world in my mind. But that took energy too in the early days after the kids grew up and left. Now it's a little easier but it's taken years.

I'll get off my soapbox now and wait for your reply :-)

zola
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 10/24/2007 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I had to quit my job and put my ds in part time day care. We can afford it for now, so i'm lucky. We had to discuss the children issue very carefully b/c we both knew I had limited energy resources.

Neither of us would change our decision. We are very happy w/ our ds, but it is difficult. There are times when my ds is sick and i have no energy. These times can be very trying. There have been times when I had to ask my dh to come home from work.

Does my ds give me energy? Not like that. When I have energy- he makes me "higher". Gives me more energy. But the energy still disappears when it will. Not much changes that. If I didn't have Chronic Fatigue, then YES my son would give me great energy. HOpefully that makes sense.

I would love another child, but we both know we can't handle it. One is almost too much for me sometimes. So CFS has limited us there.

does that help at all?

4sons
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 406
   Posted 10/26/2007 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
I raised four sons ... the last ten years alone. The last SIX of those with CFIDS. Was it hard? YEAH ... especially when I didn't have a diagnosis and my kids thought I was "psycho" when I crashed. Do kids give you energy? Uh ... no. But they've kept my youth alive and well, and I am BLESSED beyond measure to have those guys in my life.

I'm a fiber artist ... when I was younger I didn't have as much time for it as I do now. When I see my work and my kids' work (all are artistic) I'm shocked ... on a cellular level. Our art understands each other.

Talk with your s/o and be upfront about maybe not being the stereotypical dad ... but you don't sound like a stereotypical guy. I think if you two decide you WANT children then you should have one (or how ever many you decide upon.)

This disease is wretched but love trumps it every time.
Cheers -

Ruth/4sons

age 52/Type 2 diabetic/"controlled" by diet and exercise


kota
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 10/26/2007 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Rightasrain, I think my hubby is the King of Expectations...uff'da! Of course I probably think I have any character defects but I do. When I look at his Mom, I can see where he gets it from. She comes from an alcoholic childhood. I hate the word normal and expectations cuz my hubby uses them way too often. Peace. Kota
*****************************
DX:Epilepsy
Fibromyalgia
Chronic Fatigue(caused by human parvo-virus)
Depression
Anxiety
Peri-menopause
Neutropenia
Factor V Leiden
Heartburn
Possible Endometriosis

rightasrain
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/26/2007 10:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi kota...yes, well, I married my mum! amazing isn't it.. plus he's an Aussie male and I'm Dutch (naturalised Australian) - it's what a call an inter-racial marriage. May be exaggerated but we do have differences...

nathaliecorz30
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2014
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/3/2014 1:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I feel you! Raising a child is not easy, beside of time and effort you also need to work hard to earn money. However, when raising a kid, don't assume you are going to spend all of your money. There are time-honored techniques that can help you save.
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