1st week back to work FT

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BigLucy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 4/4/2008 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
F/U to previous post.  Went back to work FT this week after an extensive medical leave then working PT for the past year.  Well, it's Friday and it took every ounce of restraint to not call in sick today--FT is kicking my you know what.  I'm hoping that I'll get use to it, but what if this is my life: being tired all the time, not feeling well, oh my I'm starting to cry, seriously.  All I've managed to do this week is go to work, come home and go to bed.  I have no life right now and I'm wondering what's the point--don't worry I'm not on a ledge or anything like that, just a good old existential crisis.  I think the worse part is that I can't eat much, if anything, at work b/c of my ulcertative colitis, GERD, IBS, causes a lot of pain and other not so pleasant reactions.  Oh, well, work is calling.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/4/2008 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Big Lucy,
I'm so glad you posted again on this! I've wanted to follow watching over your shoulder, so to speak, to see how your decisions aboiut work "evolve". And I was even thinking earlier today about this and then in my own mind I thought, yea, what am I even contemplating? How can I ever truly get the energy to even do a job search, go through an interview process, pass pre-emloyment physicals, and learn the ropes of a whole new organization when I spend 12 hours a day in bed, and part of the other 12 hours in a fog or sitting on heating pads, etc, etc., etc. And then I started to cry myself! I think I'm a bit delusional at times, as I still comb the Sunday want ads, and every now and then see a job I would have loved, once upon a time, and can't even drum up the energy to put an applicaiton package together.

So truly, I'm with you in spirit and in many other ways as well!. I was logged into the forum last night about 9pm (EST) and was lucky enough to catch your post. Don't worry, my lips are sealed, but we have so much in common....if you'd ever want to try e-mailing I'd try to post a temporary e-mail address in my profile. i know we don't have energy for regular e-mails a lot of times, so it's ok if you're not interested. I'll follow you here. I also had trouble logging on today, so if for some reason you don't hear from me it's because of my lousy old dial up connection. Every time the ground here gets soaked (like early spring) my phone lines get all full of static and I end up having to deal with the phone company for a couple of week until they fix yet another part of our aging phone system. So I lucked out and go online for now...not sure how long it will last.

Hugs to you!
PaLady

Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 4/4/2008 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Lucy,

Just wanted to give you a HUGE gentle hug. Give yourself some Lucy time over the weekend. Long, soaking baths and something good to eat and drink. Relax!!!

Hugs,
Chutzie
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.
***************

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)


BigLucy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 4/4/2008 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   

PAlady: it does sound like were on the same wave, lets see if we can coordinate a time to chat even.  So you caught my post before I edited, yeah changed mind b/c felt too vulnerable and it seems to ME that I get bent out of shape with a lot of responses, maybe b/c I can't see, hear and assess in person what the intention is.  Also, my chronic fatigue does leave me feeling vulnerable.  You'll probably know what I mean by this, but I am confronted negatively a lot at work, but for some reason, no problems there with taking a breath, letting go and walking a way (well, not all the time, but enough that I don't need to look into changing professions).  Anyway, have a hour left to go at work today, it's quiet right now so I thought I'd sneak a look at the forum.  Made it through the day and week, will spend a lot of time resting this weekend.  Hopefully it will get easier?????  Yeah, if I was in your current situation of not having a job and having to look for one I too would of felt overwelmed--I had a job to go back to, easier.  Hope to hear from you soon.

Chutz: thanks for the support, your great--as always.


ryand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 639
   Posted 4/4/2008 6:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Lucy:

I want to extend a hug to you as well. I hope you will find it to be easier and easier with each week to come. As Chutz said, take care of yourself this weekend and know that you are being prayed for!

Ry

ozfm
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 213
   Posted 4/5/2008 3:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lucy
 
I know exactly what you're going through.  I've been back at work for nearly 4 months.  The first couple of weeks were hard, then I went from 30 to around 36-40 hours per week and it was just too much.  I tried 5 days at shorter hours, but me being me, I would end up staying on til everyone else was finishing, so that didn't work.  What I do now is work 4 days, with Wednesdays off to recover in the middle of the week, take any treatments or dr appts etc.  That way I manage much better.  I can even manage a longer day on the 4 days I work because I know I will get a good break in the middle.
 
Is that an option for you? 
I didn't work for nearly 3 years.  In the last 12 months I returned to work on a very gradual part time basis for four months, but that job didn't work out.  Then I didn't work for 5 months, followed by 6 weeks of 5 days at 5 hours a day, which was wonderful.
Now, my job still exhausts me, but I'm getting to adjust to it a little more each week.
 
My best advice is to hang in there, see if you can shorten your days a bit while you're getting used to the 5 days.  You will adjust after a while.
 
Congratulations for getting through your first week.
 
Cheers
Deb
They say life is a bowl of cherries........... we just have to learn how to spit out the pips!


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/5/2008 1:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Lucy,
I'd love to try to chat, although I've only made it to the chat room once. Is there a way to sort of instant message eachother on this site when we find we're logged in at the same time? I am not a computer wiz, that's for sure, so if there's something I can click on or a way for you to alert me, let me know!

By the way, there's such a thing - and I bet you've heard of it!- as compassion fatique. I think we come to these sites, as you said, for ourselves and deliberately are more vulnerable, perhaps safely hidden behind anonymity. Yet it's tough for me when I see something that could be harmful based on what I know professionally....you know the dilemma. I think based on everything you were wise for now to change your mind when you did, although I'm glad I learned more.

I hope you get some rest this weekend.

Deb - I'm curious how you found the energy to apply for new jobs, and how you handled your CP issues with potential/new employers. I'm also 58, which makes a huge difference. I like what you're able to do - taking off Wed. to regroup, and wish I could find something with that kind of flexibility. It's just the job market is tight now even if you're healthy. The most challenging thing I find re: work and CP issues is the stamina, and not being able to depend on my own body, or predict how I'll be one day to the next. I guess I can't blame an employer for wanting to hire someone who doesn't present such difficulties.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/12/2008 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Lucy,
I was thinking about you and wondered how your second week of FT work went. Is your body adjusting at all? It's got to be so stressful!

Take care,
PaLady
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