Cronic Pain Leading to Depression

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lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/8/2008 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
eyes  Hi, I'm new.  By reading through the topics I can see there are many suffering from cronic pain.  Hopefully I can learn from others how to tolerate my cronic pain.
 
Five years ago I lead a fairly normal life and could do most anything wanted.  In 2003 my life began to spiral downhill.  I had not injured my back but my lower back began to hurt and I just couldn't get around as well as I used to.  To make a long story short: since my back pain onset in 2003 I have endured several epidural injections, two spinal fusions, rehab, physical therapy, all of which provided minimal relief.  For the past year the I have been riddled with pain in my back and rt hip traveling down my rt thigh.  I am now confined to a wheelchair and have not been out of my home except for doctor's appt.s for over 6 months.  I have degressed to the point of having to depend on friends to feed me, help me bathe, and empty my porta potty.  This is very demeaning to someone who has always been so independent.
 
My Dr has prescribed 75mcg Fentanyl patches but I am just not getting the relief that I need and he says that he will not give me anything stronger.
 
My condition has pretty much left me an invalid.  Some days I don't even get out of my recliner (which as my bed also) and cry.  I can't believe I have gotten this low in 5yrs.  I feel that no one believes me that my pain is so severe, but it is absoluting devasting.  I am not the person I used to be - not only physically but mentally.  I sometimes wonder how much more I can take.  I read my Bible everyday and pray for a solution.
 
I feel like I am just totally useless.  Does anyone out there ever feel like this?  Are there any tips that will help me to cope with a life like this.  I know I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, maybe I am a little, but there has to be help somewhere.

Toritoo
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 184
   Posted 4/8/2008 10:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome lassieluv, I'm new here too and so far I have found only good people with a lot of compassion and caring in spite of their own issues. It's like a nice family who don't judge you or ignore you. All the things you mention in your email, depression, bewilderness and isolation are stages we all go through. I've been a cp patient for a very long time and my advice to you about your dr. is this, talk to them, be honest and if something isn't working let them know. I use fentnyl patches as well but I also have other oral meds for break-through pain. I'm also on an anti depressent which is a big help. You should look for someone to talk to about your depression if you already haven't and make sure you mention it to your p.m. dr.
It's hard for me to imagine any one who suffers from cp to not also have suffered from depression. To me it is much like the 5 stages of grief and depression can crop up at any time.
So, talk to your dr., talk to the many fine people here and you will begin to feel better.
Now I know I've said this before on other threads but something I do on a daily basis is look for something, anything that will make me smile. A new flower in your garden, a childs laugh or a beautifull sunrise or sunset, it could be many things, you just have to look for it. This site has given me quite a few smiles in the short time I've been here so I'm sending you a big smile right now! Have a tolerable day lassieluv and I'm out, Toritoo  :-)
 
p.s. I used to tell my daughter, when she was younger, that the sunset was like a gift from God and you got a new one almost everyday. I still feel that way.

lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/8/2008 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Toritoo, you're right a smile goes a long way and I do try not to get to far "down in the dumps". I have a kitty cat which I adore. We try to keep each other amused.

As for break-through pain I forgot to mention I get 5mg of oxycodone twice a day, which is not even enough for a toothache. I do see a psychiatrist and have been on an anti depressant for quite some time - I know I couldn't make through all this without that. And I know my prayers will be answered in due time.

Thank you for your empathy and reminding me to smile. lassieluv

PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/8/2008 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome, Lassieluv (great name!),
Yes, many of us have felt that deep, deep depression and even hopelessness at times. How could we not? But I and I think others are here to find some hope, some way to move forward in our lives. I don't yet have answers for myself, but reading other people's experiences - especially those who have learned to find meaning and smile despite their pain - is helping me more and more each day.

I wonder - what is your diagnosis? If it's just poor pain management, then you need to talk with your doctor and all your caregivers and fight for your life. I don't know if there is something so serious, though, that makes it impossible for you to walk. You mentioned a psychiatrist and being on anti-depressants, which is great, but do you have a therapist to talk with? Your psychiatrist or pain management doc may be able to recommend someone who has experience with chronic pain. Then you at least could have someone help you work through your journey in addition to us here.

Yes, depression is very common with chronic pain, and it's not just in your head. It has a lot to do with what pain does with neurotransmitters - the same ones that cause depression. Of course, all the losses and changes we have to adjust to contibute, too.

You've come to the right place!

lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/8/2008 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, the losses and changes we have to adjust to are driving me crazy! I never know when I wake up what kind of pain day I will have - bad or worse. I really miss being to give my cat treats from the refrigerator because it just hurts too much to get there. You would think by now she would have gotten used to this but every mid-morning and mid-afternoon she hops in my chair and looks at me with those innocent eyes; it just breaks my heart.

Yes, I do have a therapist, she doesn't understand anymore than I do why I am not getting better pain management. She reinforces that I am a very strong person and doesn't know how I have dealt with this situation as well as I have. I'm not taking it very well anymore. This pain has affected my whole being. Thanks for bringing that up; I will call her tomorrow. Or maybe, like you suggested, find someone who deals more with the chronic pain issues.

As for a diagnosis, after my two spinal disc fusions for degenerative disc disease, I don't really have one. What the doctors write now is: lower back & rt hip pain of unknown origin. I can't walk because it is excrutiatingly painful to put even minimal weight on my rt hip. I was referred last month to an orthopeadic surgeon who thought I might need a hip replacement. I just love this "you might need this or maybe this would work". And I stuck in the middle with nothing being done.

There is one ray of hope left though. I am waiting for a possible spinal implant called a Spinal Nerve Stimulator. Are you familiar with this?

Thank you PAlady for your response, suggestions, and letting me bounce ideas.

sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 4/8/2008 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Ye everyone has been where you chronic pain and depression goes hand in hand. Everyone has been where you are it will get better. Best thing to do live day by day,

hopelessgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 4/8/2008 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, I'm also new to this forum. I'm so sorry your in so much pain which of course also causes the depression. How long have you been on the fentantyl patches? I'm also on 75 MG and get the 5mg of percocet 2x day which does nothing for me. I find that the patch works well for the first two days and the third day I feel horrible. Almost like a withdrawl type of feeling it's hard to explain.... I just feel really jumpy, anxious, depressed and I usually end up trying to sleep the day away and usually end up taking something to help me sleep or for anxiety and I'm also in quite a bit of pain the third day. I told my doctor but she said ya it kinda starts to wear off. (I have heard people say there doctor prescribes it every 48 hrs) I wish mine would. I'm also so scared of my doctor taking me off the patch because it's been a lifesaver for me. I do think the patch makes me really tired, but I'm able to do most daily activities when before I was in so much pain I could hardly move at times. I am currently not working as I left my job recently as I couldn't take the pain anymore.

How much has the patch helped you? Do you find it wears of on the 3rd day?

I don't know anything about the spinal nerve stimulator but hopefully you find something that works well for you and makes you feel better :)
Purple Text 2002 Carpal Tunnel Surgery, Plantar fasciitis, Migraines / Daily Headaches, 2005 Gastric Bypass surgery (200 lb weight loss), 2006 Hernia repair (due to wls), one week later complications and an emergency surgery Bowel obstruction, March 2008 another Hernia repair, chronic back and leg pain all over muscle pain (doctors say it's related to fast weight loss and loss of laxity in muscles etc, Nerve damage / pain in back legs and arms / hands, herniated discs and spinal stenosis in lower back, high blood pressure, constant throbbing/rushing/heartbeat sound in right ear(doctors have no idea what this is), anxiety and depression most likely related to chronic pain.

Have been on so many different medications! Currently 75mg Fentaynal patch, 600mgs Neurontin 3xday, Immitrex as needed, Avapro, Prozac 40 mgs, Norco, vicoden or percocet for break through pain as needed, Skelaxin as needed, Zanaflex (at night to sleep and muscle Relaxer)


lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/9/2008 6:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi hopelesssgirl. Oh, I know exactly where you are coming from. Same for me when it comes to the patches. Third day nothing but pain. A friend of mine with back pain gets to change her 100 mcg patch every 48hrs and has 10mg Lorcets to take every 4hrs for break through pain. And I know of people with much less symptoms than we do that are prescribed much more pain meds than we are. I don't under stand this.

I have come to the conclusion that my doctor has never been in pain and knows nothing about how it feel or how to treat it. Of course the patches & Percocet are not relieving the pain anymore. Our bodies have gotten used to this dose and a person needs a periodic increase in meds for them to be effective.

I wish pain had a color that lights with the area and intensity of the pain we are feeling. I wish there were anything that would make people know my pain is real and I hurt!

My neighbor had the same surgery as me with little positive results. Her pain management doctor put in a Spinal Nerve Stimulator and now she is virtually pain free and can do most anything she wants. When I see her walking around in her yard, driving,playing with her grandson, etc. I get so depressed and want the same thing. How this thing works is a small transmitter is surgically inplanted to float around in your spinal fluid. You have a remote control that is programed so that when you feel pain you press the remote control to where the pain is and the result is a tingling sensation rather than pain. The idea is to block the pain sensation before it gets to the brain. I know this sounds silly and almost unbievable but I have seen the results and it works. Of course the whole procedure is much more complicated but I explained it the best I could. Before talking to her I had never heard of anything like it but doesn't it sound great?! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I'm sorry for both of us that our pain meds are not working. Again, I wish the ones who determine how much pain we are in would experience our pain for just one day and I sure they would change their mind on the dosage.

Good luck to you hopelessgirl. I'm trying my best to believe things aren't hopeless but it doesn't help the pain go away.

Lakeside
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 4/9/2008 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning Lassieluv & all:

Yes, CP surely does lead to depression, no doubt about it. And I read somewhere (can't remember where--another side-effect of CP!) that BACK PAIN, specifically, almost ensures depression b/c it is different than most other types of pain in that it constantly stimulates your central nervous system b/c your spine is hard-wired directly to your brain. Those neurostansmitters are firing constantly (and worhtless-ly) over & over to no avail or relief, unlike when we have acute pain, deal with it (treat it) & move on. Spinal CP never "moves on" & your nerves REMEMBER prior pain and they re-transmit that & it actually re-arranges your pain receptors in your frontal lobes---in other words, it wrecks your short-long term memory receptors & the area that manages your emotions/feelings/ as well as continually "bothering" that area with useless pain signals, even after your doc has declared your treatments or surgery or whatever "successful".

Lassiem, you also hit the nail on the head (ow, sorry, more pain..) when you state that your doc has never had CP or been in great pain & knows not how it feels or how to treat it. I have thought that same thing countless times. I totally love my neurogurgeon & he's a wonderful, compasssionate & understanding man...but he's PAIN-FREE and simply can't know what I feel like....! Imagine if he were whacked w/ CP and could no longer work---would he just accept it, too? Where is there a doc who HAS a bad back, or CP or a combo----? S/he I would listen to forever...but they would probably not be able to practice,etc...

Thinking of you all today....there has to be an answer out there for us...but by sharing and talking and supporting each other here, it is so much more bearable to slog thru each day...and yes, my kittycats are constant mood-lifters....and they love it when someone rests all day & they can use US for more excuses to NAP!

Thank you all for your stories, sagas, suggestions and company. Just to know others understand....oh my, what comfort!

~Lakeside
Nov. 06-- Lammy @ L4, removal of spinal cystic tumor @ L4/5(benign)
Dec. 06--Re-operation for post-surgical spinal fluid leak.  2nd surgery complications includied sciatic nerve damage & radiculopathy in R leg/foot,  increased instability (grade 1 spondy, 17%), epidural scar tissue binding nerve roots, damaged facet joints & DDD @ L4/5.
Jan.  08--PLIF fusion/discetomy surgery with pedicle screw instrumentation @ L4/L5, another lammy (@ L/5 this time)  & bone marrow harvest from left iliac crest for packing bone around disc cages after discectomy @ L4/5. Some improvement in sciatica & leg/nerve pain, but most of the CP continues....


Lakeside
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 4/9/2008 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Lake here again---sorry to bother you some more & PLEASE forgive the typos, etc as those daily dilaudid/Vailum cocktails wreak havoc w/ one's fingers, too!
But here's the detail info on specifically, depression and CP back pain/spine pain, from that article I read: (just found my cc of it)
CP is very common for those w/ back pain b/c:
* The pain makes sleeping difficult, leading to chronic fatigue 7 irratibility during the day
* then, during the day, people w/ back pain have difficulty w/ most movement & often need to move slowly & carefully, thus stay home & spend most of their time away from others. This leads to social isolation and lack of formerly enjoyable social activities.
* Due to the inability to work, there may be $$ problems that then impact the family & cause guilt feelings
* Beyond the physical pain itself, many of the medications cause gastointestinal problems & a general feeling of mental dullness/forgetfulness/brain fog, etc.
* The CP is constantly distracting, leading to concentration problems, memory lapses & reduction in "clear thinking" & reasoning
* Normal "love-life" activities are often the last thing on the person's mind, and if attempted, cause more discomfort & that can lead to a breakdown and more stress in the person's marital relationship

These things then may lead to feelings of despair, hopelessness and other symptoms of major depression.

Your ability to even do the simple household chores, take care of ones children & engage in enjoyable leisure activities w/ spouse/other family members is severely limited and further strains relationships. Add to that a feeling of the CP patient's anger over what can't be controlled or changed, and it is no wonder that we feel an acute sense of loss &gried, which further deepens the problem.

So there you have it...it's NOT in our heads! We CANNOT help it...we must just live w/ it, try to work around it, endure it, adjust for it & carry on..

BTW: the article came from a site called "spine care help" at www.spinecarehelp.com/depression-chronic-back-pain.htm, & there are other helpful things there to read & ponder.

Catch you all later---the previously mentioned medicinal aids have just kicked in & I need to rest...the cats are lurking...waiting for a horizantal surface..ME!

~Lakeside
Nov. 06-- Lammy @ L4, removal of spinal cystic tumor @ L4/5(benign)
Dec. 06--Re-operation for post-surgical spinal fluid leak.  2nd surgery complications includied sciatic nerve damage & radiculopathy in R leg/foot,  increased instability (grade 1 spondy, 17%), epidural scar tissue binding nerve roots, damaged facet joints & DDD @ L4/5.
Jan.  08--PLIF fusion/discetomy surgery with pedicle screw instrumentation @ L4/L5, another lammy (@ L/5 this time)  & bone marrow harvest from left iliac crest for packing bone around disc cages after discectomy @ L4/5. Some improvement in sciatica & leg/nerve pain, but most of the CP continues....


lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/9/2008 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for looking up that article, however it brought another tearful episode. I seem to get them alot these days; mostly from pain but also an overwhelming feeling of loss. And then there is the anger, which you mentioned also.

I hate that there are so many people dealing with the cp issue but it provides me outlet to share my feeling with which I am thankful for. My friends don't seem to understand why I don't get better and do things with them anymore. Heck, I would dearly love to even sit on my porch. I have become quite isolated and subdued. But I don't want to give up!

Thank you for your response. I feel like I am meeting a whole new group of friends. God bless you with a tolerable day.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/9/2008 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Lassie,
I think we all feel that way here. Because most of us have gone through or are still going through losses - including friends and family that kind of stop calling, or just think we're being lazy, or whatever when we continue to decline invitations to do things we know will be too painful, cause flare ups, etc. It took all I had to go to my goddaughter's on Easter Sunday and I lasted all of 3 hours and was exhausted. At least I was able to walk around the yard with her two children and watch them find eggs, but as far as getting on the floor to play - or even sitting at the dining room table and talking....basic activities that most people can't understand why we can't do them. Loss of stamina to me is huge. So I'm glad you found us, just like I'm glad I found us, too. At least it lessens the isolation to some extent.

lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/9/2008 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi PAlady. Yes, I think I'm going to like it here. Everyone who has contacted me has been so understanding.

I'm glad you could at least spend a little time with the kids on Easter Sunday. I'm sure the sunshine felt good. I would be so happy to get out of this house for something other that another drs appt. I haven't given up yet!

lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/10/2008 5:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Gramps! I can relate; I am currently being treated for bipolar disorder. My depressive episodes were more prominent than manic. But, like you, I do miss the manic times. I am on a few medications to keep this disorder under control. These have worked well in the past but with this CP issue I don't think there is any medication that will help. My depression has gotten much worse, of course. I might try your suggestion of cognitive therapy.

Thanks for the info!

lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/10/2008 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I looked up Cognitive Therapy. Boy, the self-evaluation and cognitive distortions really bit me hard. I am very good at trying to build other people up when they are down on themselves or experience a negative situation. Just can't seem to do the same for myself. My life hasn't been all negative though. Part of my Naval career involved independent duty. I new what I was doing and was proud of my accomplishments. My depression began with my untimely medical discharge. Now with this CP issue I really am down in the dumps. My mom taught me at an early age to be independent. I just can't get used to having to depend on others now to do even the simplest tasks for me.

Again, thanks, and I will give this cognitive therapy approach some great thought.

lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/12/2008 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree, I don't want to spiral any further down. I have had about 1/2 hour so far today w/out pain, yaaay! I will try to get the book you are talking about. We don't have a book store in this small town but possibly it will be in the library. I wish I could get this "mind over matter" thing to work again. Thanks for your prayers.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/12/2008 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   
lassie -
It's more mind and matter in a dance together, and none of us gets it to work 24/7. Hey 1/2 w/out pain is a great start!

Here's a little trick you can start with while you're looking for the book: write down the things you say or would say to other people to build them up (llike you mentioned earlier you were good at). Then tell them to yourself. We sometimes teach what we need to learn. So you've got the supportive words in you, just need to direct them toward yourself as well as others. It does help to write them down, though, so you can go read them when you forget. But your pain is also real, so be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking it's all in your head and there's something wrong with you for not being able to think your way out of it. Gramps has give you some good advice and resources. They will help you change how you look at your pain, and your life, and that may even lessen your pain. But don't beat yourself up for not being able to get rid of your pain just by using cognitive techniques. You hear enough negative stuff from that other person in your life!

By the way - a black cat named Lassie?! I love it!

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13469
   Posted 4/12/2008 8:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome to HW for both of you ladies. As a CP patient, yes I became very depressed, not just from the pain. I saw a physcologist that was very famaliar with Auto-Immune Diseases. She helped me get things back into a better perspective. When I first started seeing her she said I was in a grieving process, which is normal when you health has changed and it forces many of us to not be able to work, sometimes its temporary or permanente that we cannot rtw. So between losing employment, loss of a lifestyle, loss of friends, not being able to do what we normally did, we really grieve for the loss of those things. I remember when the anger kicked in on me too. I was put on an anti-depressant and di better until after time it lost its punch.  
 
 
As hard as it gets sometimes, never give up on yourself. If you need an anti-depressant, please do not hink you are weak either. CPers are very strong willed individuals, not just anyone can endure what we go thru.
 
Luv, I think you are the one that may be getting stimulator, I sure hope it works for you. I have an intrathecal pain pump implanted. The pump was my last straw, orals meds do not work with well with me at all. The pump has made a great difference in my pain. I do feel that your CP is being undermanged to say the least. I would consider getting a second opinion.
 
I have crohns disease and UC. I am in a big flare with the crohns and have been down in bed since last Sunday. I had an appt with my gi this past Thursday that I missed, I was in a bad fever state. I was totally out of it when my daughter came to the house and got me out of bed and cleaned  me and the bed up. That was Thursday evening.
 
I do hope that you all will stay aboard here, its great plcae with caring people.
 
 


lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/13/2008 7:33 AM (GMT -7)   
I have seriously thought about getting another CP Dr. I don't think my CP is being acknowledged properly either. I am also having a hard time with the changes, losses, and anger. I have been on Cymbalta, Lamictal, Resperidone, Klonipin for quite somethime. This combination has worked well in the past but with the increased CP I might need a new evaluation for this as well.

Yes, I am the one who is getting the SCS soon. I really have high hopes for it's success. I also have Hep C, which I will work on later. My main focus right now is to be able to at least WALK to the bathroom when needed.

I'm so sorry for these past horrific days for you. Hopefully better days soon!

Yes, I do plan to stay on this forum. I have met more compassionate & supporting people than I have ever had.

Lakeside
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 4/13/2008 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Quick thought re grief & anger over what we've had to change & the losses we've had to face.
I used to feel very guilty about these feeings, as I was thankful that my doc was caring & very skillful, and my PLIF so far has been OK, so I wrestled w/ not being appreciative, ect and tried to just move on....

But when I told my pastor about my grief & anger & how down I felt over my losses (job, lifestyle, health, etc) she said that I was just reacting normally to it, that by feeling the anger & grief it VALIDIATED how precious & important my previous life was to me. So she helped me "re-frame" my thoughts, to face them and respect them and use them to reinforce how much I loved who I had been, how precious my life was (still is) and how I am now in a "new" place, between "no longer & not yet". She called it a type of "miserable joyfullness", in that I can certainly feel miserable about my losses yet have a sense of joy over my procedure going well, etc. She added that St Paul always complained about a "thorn in his side" and even tho he prayed mightily to have it removed, it was not...and he went on, past it & with it, to write and witness to everyone inspite of his misery...hence the "joy" part.

I think we are, as I said previously, so very complex, in both body & mind, & the two usually work together. But when one is out of whack, the other suffers. By validiating our grief & anger & respecting it, perhaps we can use it positively somehow. I'm still working on that one, as some days are really bad yet. But as Lassisluv (a black cat!!! ) says "Better days soon" --- I cling to that & as the sun rises daily over the Lake, which is so lovely to see, I try to reflect on how it shows me how each new day is fresh & new and full of new hope....

Please, all my dears, have a hopeful day! I am off to a horse show w/ my daughter & granddaughter. I will "pay" for it dearly with increased pain I know---but ya just gotta do some "normal" things too! And not count the cost until later!

~Lakeside
Nov. 06-- Lammy @ L4, removal of spinal cystic tumor @ L4/5(benign)
Dec. 06--Re-operation for post-surgical spinal fluid leak.  2nd surgery caused sciatic nerve damage & radiculopathy in R leg/foot,  increased spinal instability (grade 1 spondy, 17%), epidural scar tissue binding nerve roots, damaged facet joints & worsened DDD @ L4/5
Jan.  08--PLIF fusion/discetomy surgery w/pedicle screw instrumentation @ L4/L5, another lammy (@ L/5 this time) & bone marrow harvest from left iliac crest for packing bone around disc cages after total discectomy @ L4/5. Good relief from sciatica & leg/nerve pain, tho some residual CP--hope to be "Healing Well"...


lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/13/2008 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Lakeside, I so glad to hear from you again! I don't think I thanked you enough for all the extra time it took you not only to find the info but also writing it down for me. That was so kind of you.

I am very familiar with the Apostle Paul, thank you for bring up his misery and how he got through it again. Jesus clearly states that He will never burden us with more than we can bear, with Him.

My pain is validated with my therapist and psychiatrist but not with my pc dr. I have discussed my situation with my pastor but I don't think he realizes just how this has affected my depression and desolation. I think I will give him a call tomorroe, or maybe later today.

I am so glad You are getting out with your daughter & granddaughter. Children can always bring a smile. I hope you are in not too much pain afterwards.

Also of note, Lassie was not only black but was a male cat too!

lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/13/2008 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gramps!

Got It!! Any help with my bipolar is appreciated. I agree, this forum is great therapy for me. The kind people I have met so far are much more supportive than I have at home.

MarleneS
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/13/2008 3:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I got a smile reading everyones post here not in a bad way but it showed me that others have the same. I have felt so alone for so long that seeing that someone else has to deal with the same makes me aware of the fact that I am not nuts. I have been treated for bi-polar, PTSS, depression, chronic depression, til I sometimes feel I should be a therapist. The depression is something I deal with everyday and I do deal with it by taking an assement evey morning with my morning coffee. It goes like this...Well as of now there is no pain. What would I like to accomplish today and am I willing to do what I need to do and deal with the pain it will bring on. Some days I just don't want to deal with the pain so I do nothing. Somedays I do as much as possible til I cannot go on but then I have made an accomplishment therefore it was worth it. I realize that the pain isn't going anywhere it will be there always for me. So I just have to decide each day how I am feeling emotionally and how much I can take in that day. There are many have to's for me. I have to take care of hubby's needs. IE Laundry, food companionship. I have to take care of my dogs food water and excercise. I have to take care of myself. So I decide what I want that day. Maybe cooking a very nice dinner is at the top or maybe taking my lovely dogs for a walk is there. But I guess what I am saying in this long ramble from my drugged up mind at this time is that depression is going to be there...pain is going to be there...I know it....I just put my mind to it every morning on what is most impportant for me taking it day by day..hour by hoiur... at times minute by minutes. I don't know if anyone will understand this ramble but it sure makes me feel better writing it down...

God Bless All and many many thanks to everyone for reminding me that I AM NOT ALONE!!!!!!!

Lakeside
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 4/13/2008 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Quick hi tonight to all, & welcome MarleneS & Lassieluv, I LOL'd at the MALE black cat!! Ha ha ha!! You are just too funny!

Marlene, I love how you ponder over your AM coffee how you will mete out your limited energy (both mental & physical) for each day, or portion thereof. That is marvelous that you know yourself so well and are so confident in allowing yourself to take control of your day, however you decide to "dice it up" so to speak. For me, My whole "back thing", the surgeries & the on-going CP constitute a lack of control now, compared to my previous daily routine, where I (not my BODY!) called the shots & I did as I wanted (work, fun, lots of physcial activities, great social life, etc). No more, at least now..and never again at the level I once was able. To lose control has been the most difficult adjustment for me and to admit to myself & others that I just CAN'T do many things as before has been a grief-point for quite awhile now. (see my post a page back...we are now on pg 2 w/ this thread, which means it's relevant to many people!)

So you are deciding each day what you will "spend" your alloted energy on, whatever its level is that particular day. I salute you! In fact I may emulate you tomorrow! I just might stay in my jammies all day & sit on my heating pad/ice packs (took my daughter & granddaughter to a local horse show this afternoon---something NORMAL!---and I can feel already, tonight, that my back is not happy. At all!) And I also agree about how you sometimes push to do as much as you can until you just can't anymore, but feel it was worth it, and worth "paying for it" the next day! How well you stated that!

Anyway, enough for tonight! Time for my muscle relaxants (also relax the brain!) and my 1st ice pack of the evening! Tomorrow I will be a slug for sure, but thank you Marlene for letting me know that's OK! Minute by minute---ain't THAT the truth, too! :) And no, you are NOT alone! We are always all here for you, and for each other. We "get it", and will always listen.

May you all find a comfy sleeping postition...sometimes THAT is all I want! Hope everyone gets one tonight!

~Lakeside
Nov. 06-- Lammy @ L4, removal of spinal cystic tumor @ L4/5(benign)
Dec. 06--Re-operation for post-surgical spinal fluid leak.  2nd surgery caused sciatic nerve damage & radiculopathy in R leg/foot,  increased spinal instability (grade 1 spondy, 17%), epidural scar tissue binding nerve roots, damaged facet joints & worsened DDD @ L4/5
Jan.  08--PLIF fusion/discetomy surgery w/pedicle screw instrumentation @ L4/L5, another lammy (@ L/5 this time) & bone marrow harvest from left iliac crest for packing bone around disc cages after total discectomy @ L4/5. Good relief from sciatica & leg/nerve pain, tho some residual CP--hope to be "Healing Well"...


lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 4/14/2008 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Marlene - I applaud your lifestyle. It seems to work wonderful for you. At least you can do minor things around the house. I consider them major tasks! The best of luck to you and your CP. As Lakeside said you are at the right place for compasion & support.

Lakeside - I would love to be able to move and find a comfortable position to sleep in. Unfortunatly I don't have that option. It is too hard for me to get in & out of bed so I sleep on my back in my recliner. I've gotten used to it though and am pretty comfortable. Jessie (cat) sleeps with me to so that's a comfort.

I had tolerable daytimes with CP this weekend, but the nights were horrendous. I also have a RLS site, but to make a long story short (if possible for me). I actually felt like demons had possesed my body. Involuntary muscle movements that only led to cat naps ( no pun intended ). Today my CP is at an all time high, but I am still thankful for the weekend. I have called my psychiatrist to ask for Trazidone for the sleeping problems. Have you ever been on it? I worked wonders for me years ago.

I hope you both have a good day AND night!
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