A laugh a day...better than an apple in every way

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Freya
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 4/29/2008 10:41 PM (GMT -7)   
  I just heard this joke, funniest one in a while.
 
    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
    He doesnt seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy pulls out his phone
    and calls emergency services.
    He gasps to the person on the other end "my friend is dead! what can I do?!"
    the operator says "calm down I am going to help you. First lets make sure he's dead"
    there is silence and then the operator hears a gun shot. The man back on the phone says...
                             
                                     "Okay, now what?"

sjkly
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Date Joined Dec 2007
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   Posted 4/30/2008 1:58 PM (GMT -7)   
lol, oh that was funny in a sick kind of way. Thank you for posting I needed a chuckle today.

A blond walks into a beauty parlor wearing headphones and carrying a tape player. She asks for a haircut.
The beautician says "sure but I need you to take off the headphones."
"Oh, I can't do that you just have to work around them."
"I really need you to take them off if your going to get a decent haircut."
So, after a long pause the blond takes off the headphones and the beautician starts to cut her hair. After a few minutes the beautician notices that the blond appears to have died. Shocked, she puts the headphones on and listens for a moment, she hears "breathe in breathe out breathe in ...."


Sj

PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
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   Posted 4/30/2008 2:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm adding my comment here with a bit of trepidation, but humor is extremely individual, and I guess I find these examples to not be very humorous. If we're going to share jokes, could they not be about death, or other things which might be hurtful to some?

Freya
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 4/30/2008 7:02 PM (GMT -7)   
PAlady
I appriciate your opinion. Its true that everybody does have there own sense of humor and I can defenitly understand why not everyone would find a certain type of joke funny
I honestly did not mean to offend anyone. Its funny that you should bring that up because the person who told me that joke was involved in doing a pole across the world to determine what jokes are the most humerous throughout many different types of cultures, that one was the winner. But of course not everyone is going to find it funny. It was very interesting to see the diference in humor throughout the world and infact I found most american jokes to be much more offensive than ones that are considered funny from where I was raised.
I love to laugh so will try to be more aware of what jokes could be offensive to others, thank you for making me aware of your feelings. I apologize

Freya
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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 4/30/2008 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Why did my post just submit all of a sudden?
Strange.
Sj- I like that one, very funny!
Hopefully I can find a few more that everyone can appriciate!
 
 
 
 
****I deleted the post with just SJ in it ......take care.......LYN

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 5/1/2008 10:14:40 AM (GMT-6)


Muzz
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 395
   Posted 5/1/2008 7:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Freya, I love dark humor, it's saved the day for me many a time. Laughter doeth good like a medicine. I've gotten that joke in my email several times cos my friends know how I enjoy a good joke :-)
I am not my pain, it does not own me.


Freya
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 5/1/2008 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad you like it, I think is funny too!
I was planning on sharing another one that is a bit of dark humor but mostly pokes fun at men and there priorities. Maybe I should out a warning in the subject or just send it privatly to anyone who likes those types of jokes. Its just too funny to keep to myself!
Let me know if anyone could use a good laugh

PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/1/2008 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I know I'm a bit of a downer here, but I think jokes that might offend any group are best shared privately.

I think the funniest stories are the silly things we do each day, like putting the milk away in the cupboard. Maybe we could share some of those things?

Muzz
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 395
   Posted 5/1/2008 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
OK, no more dark jokes nono   Freya, if it's dark humor, I've prob already heard it but TY anyway.
I am not my pain, it does not own me.


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/1/2008 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   
We have a thread in Anxiety/ Panic about the Things we Just Have to Laugh At ( that we do ) or have done in past
It is truly alot of good for me to read and post in there being able to laugh together and not at one another in a bad way ya know......some posts are really LOL ones

I agree humor is a good thing.........
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/1/2008 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
OOPSY forgot to mention it WAS not the milk I didnt put in the right place like the fridge..
I had lost the top to my dentures and lo and behold found them in the refrigerator many days later

Complete post is on that thread I mentioned
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 


Freya
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 5/1/2008 9:54 AM (GMT -7)   
PAlady-
I have no problem sharing my jokes privatly with anyone who may have a similar sense of humor. The joke I was refering to was about a mans need to golf, most men poke fun at it themselves as they know that they have a tendancy to put it above many things. Sure it was an over exageration of that need but thats what makes it funny. I think if you begin making fun of anyones religion or nationality you start to cross an innaprpriate line. But making light of the differences between men and women or of a situation that could never actually happen is all just in good fun. I would never make a joke out of anybody or there race, religion or station in life, something that could actually happen or something that could mean something special to someone.
With that said, I mean no disrespct to you or anyone else. I did respect your opinion, which is why I offered to send it to anyone who was interested. I can understand why a joke which involved someone shoting someone else could be found offensive by someone. Which is why I made a point to apologize for offending you or anyone else. But honestly, I dont see the offense in poking fun at a mans desire to play golf above all else.

Cookie122
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 5/1/2008 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I got a story for everyone, but it involves some nudity and maybe TMI.

One day a few weeks ago I went to take a shower. I had just gotten in, closed the door, and was beginning to enjoy just how nice the warm water felt on my sore body. I turned my head towards our shower caddy and noticed something brownish in color that didn't belong there. I looked closer at it on top of my pink shower puff ball. I let out a loud scream and jumped out of the shower. I was panicing as to what to do. Finally I got up enough guts put a towel around me, reached into the shower to turn off the water, and got the HE*L out of there. My sister came laughing and running asking what was the matter. She thought it was a spider. Oh no, if only it was. Instead it was a big nasty lizard that had somehow made it not only into the house, but into the bathroom and climbed up on my shower puff. After seeing it she continued laughing her AS* off and grabbed the camera to take pictures of it. Yeah thanks huh? I asked my dad why he wasn't going to see what was happening and he said he thought I didn't want him around for it. I went upstairs and put on some clothes while my dad got some gloves and tossed the lizard back outside. I still have no idea how it got in the house unless somehow one of the cats brought it in without us knowing or it hitch hiked on something or ran in with the construction workers left the door open... And I still can't imagine how it climbed up that high on slick tile and the shower doors. Anyway that gave everyone in my house a good laugh for a while, but I didn't want to take a shower for a long time after that.

Freya
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 5/1/2008 12:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Gramps
I'm glad you got the laugh you needed!! Sometimes you just have to laugh it off.

So I was sitting here watch one of my favorite TV shows(which I will not divulge for fear of being made fun of...) Anyhow I was reminded of something that happened to me when I was a teenager and have gotten many a laugh out of it for many years, infact everyone has including my whole church!
It involves a pair of unmentionables so fair warning...
One morning before church I was hurring around the house trying to get dressed. I couldnt find anything to wear and quickly pulled out some clothes from the laundry that had been drying on the line and threw them on.
Everything went went as normal as any other Sunday, As I walked into the church and greeted all of my friends. When it was time to start services we all followed eachother in and took out seats. The church service went fine until it was time to take communion. Row by row was taken up and unfortunitly for me I was sitting in the back having to walk past everyone on my way up. I heard giggles and whispers but thouht nothing of it. I knelt down and got ready. I was the last to recieve and as the pastor walked away he picked something off my back to hand to me, he lifted them up high enough to hand it to me on my way back to the pew. To my complete humiliation a pair of my unmentionables had been clinging to the back of my shirt!!!
Evryone got a perfect view of what they were including my pastor. So helpful trying to cause me less embarassment by taking it off ended up being the center of that embarassment! He told me afterward he thought it was a sock. He never cracked under the pressure, but did have a hard time keeping in the laughter!
For years no one could let that go and it was brought up at many a social nights!
How humiliating! I cant help but remember that day every time I greet him after church, I wonder if thats what he thinks evey time too!

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/1/2008 1:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Now aren't these stories funnier than the stuff passed around on the internet? cookie - did your sister take a picture of you with the lizard?? I'd want the negatives!

Freya - I appreciate your responses. I'm not so much offended but some things that I think can be offensive maybe just don't belong on this kind of forum, especially when one can easily share e-mail addresses via profiles. But don't you find the stories - including yours (well, ok at the time you were humiliated and I sure can understand that) not only funnier but much more unique?

I'll have to think of one of mine, but I've got to find my memory and the milk first. scool

shannon1
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 5/1/2008 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone...so, i have a baby that is getting ready to turn one! When she came home from nicu (preemie), i was already sleep deprived, from healing from my csection and spending ten hr days at the hospital w/ her and then comming home to my son...so, one day, i put the baby on her mat in tummytime...i had been walking around like a zombie that day...then, i came out and saw the baby was missing!!!! i went running in to my husband yelling to see if he had the baby, and he calmly said, "she's in your arms!" LOL, i don't even remember picking her up! sorta like hte sunglasses u can't find that are on your head!

gramps, im so sorryt hat u fell again!!!!!

PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/1/2008 2:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Ya can't make this stuff up! LOL

Muzz
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 395
   Posted 5/1/2008 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry that u fell again Gramps...maybe you should do what I sugg to a dear of mine who has MS....wrap herself totally in bubble wrap(leaving and appropriate opening for necessaries, of course. ) tongue
I am not my pain, it does not own me.


ryand
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Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 639
   Posted 5/2/2008 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
OK, this thread is a great distraction from our pain. I went over and found the thread Howlyncat mentioned in the Anxiety/Panic forum too. That was a great diversion for me, too. I hope we keep this thread going so we can find reasons to laugh as well. As some of you mentioned, we are mostly all at the point where if we're not laughing we're probably crying b/c the pain is just too much sometimes. Sometimes it's hard to find things to laugh about, so I appreciate this thread.

Here's my little contribution... You all remember those ads on TV several years ago where the lady presses her little emergency call button and says "I've fallen and I can't get up!" right? Well, when those ads first played I remember my friends and I getting quite a few laughs over the melodramatic way the line was said in the commercial. So I have to say it was probably Karma when my injury first occurred. What did I have to say to the gal at 911? You've got it - "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" Same thing has happened more than once since then too, and each time even though the pain is about a 30 on a 1-10 scale, I do have to laugh at myself a little bit and think maybe I should be in the commercial myself now.

tongue

Cookie122
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 5/2/2008 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, no, my sister did not get pictures of me and the lizard. Just the lizard sitting on my puff ball that I of course have thrown away since then.

But I have another story for everyone.

Last week I went for my normal walk around the 'loop' while on break from work. I was talking on the phone to my friend and let out a scream and jumped like five feet in the air. I said, "Oh my G**, its a snake!" I saw it wasn't moving thank goodness and took a closer look at it to 1) see why it wasn't moving and 2) to see what kind of snake it was. So it wasn't moving because someone cut its head off and took it, but neglected to take the rest of the snake with them. And it wasn't a rattler. After that I couldn't help but laugh and my friend was laughing at me too. And I'm sure anyone else who was around was. I continue my walk and was very jumpy. Any little bug that touched me I screamed. My friend had a good laugh at me that day. When I got back to my desk I emailed my supervisors saying, "You guys never told me I had to watch out for snakes on my walks!" and then told them the story. The response from one of my supervisors was classic, "ha ha, my prank worked!"

Cookie122
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 5/2/2008 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Gramps, Thanks for putting a smile on my face and brightening up and otherwise regular boring day at work. Its not that I fear being eaten by snakes, I fear the bite whether its poisonous or not. I've been bitten before and it hurt more than you would think and bleed a whole lot too.

That's another funny story. I think I was in 7th grade and was in a friends science room with a few other students. The teacher had some corn snakes and we had them out holding them. I went to put the snake back in the cage and the other in the same cage tried to climb out. I went to push it back in but it bit me, right on my middle finger. The teacher came and said that it must have been hungry and thought my hand was a mouse. Yeah, thanks... Anyway I went to the nurse and told them what happened. She wanted to know where I was bit so, I gave her the finger! LOL. The school called my mom who also worked at a different school. They announced to her and everyone else that her daughter was bit by a snake, but don't worry its not poisoness and now she's flipping everyone off showing them where she was bit. At least I had an excuse to flip people off for awhile after that.

PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/2/2008 2:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok, so I had this vision if we all lived together....

There'd be people on the floor with helmets on who couldn't get up because they tripped over headless snakes. There'd be someone walking around with underwear on her back. A shower scene that rivaled the one in Psycho would be happening and people would be running for cameras to take pictures of naked ladies and lizards. And, of course, some of us mindlessly rummaging through cupboards looking for milk, over and over and over again.

Ok who'd I miss?

Muzz
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 395
   Posted 5/2/2008 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
groannnnnnnnnnn :-)
I am not my pain, it does not own me.


Muzz
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 395
   Posted 5/3/2008 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   
OK....you've got me started!! tongue
Walking Across Water

A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all in a boat together fishing. The pastor said to the others, "I think I am going to go over to that shore and sit down." So, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and  sits down on the shore. Then, the priest says to the rabbi, "I think I going to go over there to join him." So, he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him on the shore. The rabbi thinks to himself, "Well, if they can do it, so can I!" So, he climbs out of the boat, but he falls in the water.  The pastor says to the priest, "Do you think we should of told him where  the rocks were?"

and.........What did the Zen Buddhist Monk say to the Hotdog Vender?...Make me One with everything.

 


I am not my pain, it does not own me.


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 5/3/2008 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Do NOT start reading this thread on page 2!...lol. Had to go back to the start and remember what it was all about. Not trying to be a grump, but I'm over sensitive to jokes on death and there may be others. But, I can't expect the whole world to cater my my form of humor.

Speaking of...I'll relate a true story form last week. As many of you know Amy and baby Thomas have lived with us for about a year and a half. They now have their own apartment and Thomas is about 21 months old.

He was eager for his bath one evening last week and was in his birthday suit while mommy filled the tub. The sound of the running water must have gotten to him and he needed to "go". Well, when he's here he always follows grandpa, my hubby, into the bathroom and watches what the big boys do. He couldn't reach the tall adult toilet but did see something more his height...the waste paper basket. He walked over, peed into the basket and clapped and cheered for himself! Like said before..you can't write stuff like that! We're still laughing over it.

Chutz <--who now has a potty chair in the bathroom
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.
***************

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)

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