Post Edited (PAlady) : 5/26/2008 12:13:38 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (PAlady) : 5/26/2008 4:28:56 PM (GMT-6)
Hi PAlady, do I know how you feel. I have battled with this dilemma for awhile now. My husband is very social and one of the things he has really missed since I have been ill is socializing. So I have felt that I need to go out when people have invited us. Then I noticed a strange thing happening. Throughout the whole evening, we were not being asked about what was going on in our lives. We would sit there and listen to them go on and on about their families, work, vacation and trips. I'd try to add something to the conversation and would get shot down. After I had noticed this I asked my husband to see if he saw it or if it was just me. So he started paying attention when we'd go out and agreed with me that this was happening.
Now I have never been one to go on about my illness unless they would ask a bunch of questions, so I know it wasn't that. After this happening over and over I told my husabnd I am done. I do not have many good spells and when I do I do NOT want to spend that time with self-involved people who have no interest in what's going on with us. I have been very hurt by this and really would rather be alone. I'm already dealing with enough.
I have found this to be worse when we have gone out with more than one couple or have been asked to parties or to barb-bq's(sp?). All the men stick together and all the women head to the kitchen. Most of the talk is about kids(I can't have children), work(I am on disability), and shopping(which I don'y do anymore). I am always left out because I need to sit down and am excluded from conversation. I feel so left out I have just decided not to do it anymore. My husband has a couple of groups he goes to and I will go out with our neighbors who are friends, but no more, I don't need to feel any more inadequate and they have no idea about what we CPer's go through (how could they) and if I do decide to share a little bit, they always have this "cure" they wnat me to try and I will be all better. yeah, right.
your situation reminds me of an old joke, "never tell people how you feel. half of them will be glad it's you and not them and the other half will be glad to see you suffer."
I cant believe how many CPP have go through the same crap. I startes out with a group of 20 people and couples all just starting famalies like the rest of the group. All cookouts and football sundays were called for in advance so they could have thier chance for food and drink.
It was real fun in the begining, say the first year or so, then we made up sunday pool and everyone throws in $20.00.
as it progressed some friends were i guess closer than others and you can notice a ouside type feeling as most of you conversation is not even acknoledged. any coversation that was turned to me or my wife was(isnt he better yet, Idid this to my foot and was working again in two weeks, by the time they get to whats going on with your doctors and your next appt. they have completely written you off, because thier still together enven working constuction. I have absolutley zero knowledge about all that endles work talk.
My wife and I have been married like 12 years now and by the sith year we just stopped going to the gatherings and parties. the woman had thier click of thier own and is just the same when the boys come out. We used to have a very close outfit of people that got along great As people get older and maintain a decent life priorities change, and alot of times you kind of dont like that persons becuase they have done mostly everthing to box us out and start taling new home installs, new trips to disney etc.......
If ever where to be asked about my ailments I used to say good, but know after so many surgeries I just cant lie about it anymore,(long storie short, once they start getting an earfull of test procedures results where I have to go for the next appt.Whithin 5-7 minutes they move on to other topics more suited for them. Which is fine with us so our exit wont be too bad because half there people didnt want to chat with us anyway. plus by the time is is happeniing Im ready to leave becuase my foot is a level 8 and dying to get home for my electric sock and some meds to bring down my pain score to a 5-6
Post Edited (PAlady) : 6/1/2008 1:12:47 PM (GMT-6)