What to SAY to others....

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Shelter
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 6/1/2008 5:32 AM (GMT -7)   
thought of this as a Idea  where we might all benefit from  our experiences
and   could share & glean from one another...
 
 
What do you say When people say
 
1.  How are YOU ? ___________________
 
2. So how you been lately? ___________________
 
 
3. What's new with you ?  ___________________
 
 
4.   etc..  put your New Q here
 
 
Fill in the blanks,... lets help each other come up with some answers we can sue..
with out dogging questions, hiding or lying to the outside world...
 
 
confused   looking for answers too
 
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their Strength, they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall run & not grow weary, they shall walk & not faint..."  Ish   40 v. 31 
~
Sjrogrens Syndrome, Asthema, Chronic Fatigue, Chronic Pain, Head aches, Migraines, Gastro Intestinal Problems , Esophegial Spasms;   Fibro Myalgia , Kidney Stones,  & CP (SI joint,   low mechanical back pain..L4 & L5 Vertebrae Misaligned,  Spinal Stenosis and Degenerative Disc Disease, Bulging Disc, anterolisthesis L4 L5L4 -- S1 pain  caused by osteoarthristis ,bone spurs, causing pinching or pressure on spinal chord)


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 6/1/2008 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Great idea Shelter!! Thanks for posting it. OK...

#1. "I'm OK." If they pick up on the 'ok' part and inquire more then I will tell them, but otherwise I've answered their question honestly. Not great, not horrid, just OK.

#2. "Busy" or "Fine"...are you seeing a pattern here...lol I don't offer much but generic answers depending on who's asking it.

#3. "Been working of a new quilt" or We have a new grandbaby due is Aug". I take the focus away from me.

#4."You look good today. You must be feeling better, right?" To which I answer "I'm doing OK"....lol They do NOT live inside this fibro ravaged body. Looks are deceiving and people don't want you to be sick nor do they want to hear your complaints.

Most often when someone asks the way you've phrased it they don't really want to know the details. Of course this doesn't account for your closest friends but you know who those are and can open up to them as you wish. But for those casual questions like you've posted I give very generic answers. It's a courtesy to ask "How ya doing" and all that is expected is a courteous answer.

Chutz
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.
***************

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 6/1/2008 11:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Shelter,
i'm probably with Chutzie in that it first depends hugely on who's asking. In most cases, a generic answer is all that's called for - as Gramps' post so painfully illustrates. Most people don't want to know, don't care, don't understand and don't want to take the time to understand. That being said, I think it is important we try to sit down with a few people who are close to use and explain (maybe using that letter cookie posted as a starter).

I think your third question is the most painful one for me to hear or try to answer, because there's nothing new with me that's good at the moment. I'd probably keep it to "nothing good" or "not much" and try to move on, because that's what I suspect the other person wants to tell me all about what's new with them and I don't want to hear how their normal life is going! Only person I'd care to discuss that with would be another CPP.

Gramps - have you ever tried responding to the response "that's good" with something like "are you out of your mind or just naturally cruel?" (only partly kiidding) Sometimes it's just not worth the energy unless it's someone you have to deal with regularly, or someone your intuition tells you really would be willing to sit down and learn to understand.

PaLady

Shelter
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 6/1/2008 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL PA Lady you made my Day " with you response to Gramps
Gramps - have you ever tried responding to the response "that's good" with something like "are you out of your mind or just naturally cruel?" (only partly kiidding) Sometimes it's just not worth the energy unless it's someone you have to deal with regularly, or someone your intuition tells you really would be willing to sit down and learn to understand.

Silly me
when people ask me Hi how are you...... I sometimes have said do you really want the TRUTH?
or
do you really want to know....

maybe generic is safer
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their Strength, they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall run & not grow weary, they shall walk & not faint..."  Ish   40 v. 31 
~
Sjrogrens Syndrome, Asthema, Chronic Fatigue, Chronic Pain, Head aches, Migraines, Gastro Intestinal Problems , Esophegial Spasms;   Fibro Myalgia , Kidney Stones,  & CP (SI joint,   low mechanical back pain..L4 & L5 Vertebrae Misaligned,  Spinal Stenosis and Degenerative Disc Disease, Bulging Disc, anterolisthesis L4 L5L4 -- S1 pain  caused by osteoarthristis ,bone spurs, causing pinching or pressure on spinal chord)


BigLucy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 6/1/2008 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Man, this is a big one for me b/c I just went back to work FT about two months ago after a hospital stay and a long recovery. I've worked at the same place for a ummm, 11 yrs now and I know a lot of people and they all know I have a chronic illness(s) and I get asked ALL THE TIME--DAILY-- how I'm doing from multiple people. I know they mean well, but it gets very overwhelming b/c I get this feeling that some of them are waiting to hear that I'm cured or something; I think I've scared some people b/c I'm the reality that you can go on in life, healthy, and boom, one day you're sick for no explainable reason, scary. So, what I've done, for the most part, is to say, I have a chronic illness that's very challenging and unless I tell you otherwise, let's just say it's the same day after day. I've asked some of my closest friends not to ask me about my health anymore, if I need them I will come to them--and I do often, I've realized you can't shut people out completely, every relationship is two ways.

P.S. I have a VERY dark sense of humor and people know that about me and that helps. Sometimes I'm perfectly honest and I will say, "I feel like s**t, I'm reading Nietzsche, what's the point?"

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 6/1/2008 11:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Fine, fine. Perfectly fine! And you?

Nobody really wants to know. Well, nobody I know wants to know.
You people want to know. I love it. Love it.
Pamela Neckpain
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