Is it possible to be happy and be a CP patient? I think that I am finally reaching a point on my on going journey through the land of Pain where I feel no pain sometimes! When I went to my last appt. with my CP dr. I had her give me a good up in my pump by going off my patches completely (finally) and going down from 8 percocet to 5 a day. I walked out of her office and by the time I reached my car it hit. (It being my meds.) By the time I got across the street to the pharmacy I was feeling no pain. It was wonderfull. I've been experiencing moments while I was lying in bed where all of a sudden it would dawn on me that I didn't hurt. I remember being amazed at the familiarlarity of the feeling of being pain free. Do you get it? I'm just so happy and excited about
the future and the probabilities and possibilities it holds. I'm not saying I'm there completely, that I am not. But for the moment I can take 1 pill instead of 2 for pain. I can walk, get up and down ect. with a real smile not a glued on one.
Some of my loved ones while happy for me kind of say, "shhh you don't want to jinx it" and things like that but not me. I want to yell from the tree tops, "I'm not in pain" for now. I can start back into PT and start getting my muscles back in shape. I can start walking in the evening or morning. Slow and easy is the way to go but I feel so filled with....hope.
Over the past 12 years and nearly as many surgeries I lost hope a long time ago. I did get it back a few times but not for long and it felt different. Not so real. Not tangible. Now I'm sure I am just radiating hope and if I have an aura and it could be seen you would need sunglassess!
The pain pump works for me. After 2 years I believe it now. I only had to go through 2 medications to find the one that works for me, dilaudid. So maybe I am the exception to the rule concerning the pump but I would definitly promote it as a possibility to anyone that asked me.
My whole attitude is changing with each new sunrise that I wake up and don't groan with pain but instead a smile on my face. I don't grab my pain pills before opening my eyes. I go hours and hours and feel nary a twinge of pain. The first few days I only took 3 pills the whole day. I'm sorry to go on and on but this is the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time.
Thanks for letting me "shout from the rooftops" here with all of my new friends. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be around because I'm sure there will still be ups and downs. Right now I am as high as a kite and I'm not under the influence of any illegal drugs. Like we used to say in the 70's "I'm high on life".
So I guess I answered my own question, Toritoo can't be too happy!
Hugs and no pain moments to all, Tori