Ive been gone for some time

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Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 8/13/2008 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello again to the people I recognize, and also to the newer faces.

I left for a while to re-group and institute some changes in my life.  Unfortunately, the chronic pain has never changed.  The biggest change I have made in my life would be that of kicking out my husband of 20 years.  He was never supportive of me having to take medication, and come to find out part of my depression cycle stemmed from him.  Mind you, he is an alcoholic, yet was talking to me like I am an addict for having to use pain medication and telling me to "shake it off" or "think yourself happy" when I entered the depression stage.  Well, it's been a month since I made him leave and my depression lessened immediately.  I know I will still go through the cycling of chronic pain, but I think with this one less stress it won't be as often or as deep. 

At any rate, I will try to be around more often and get to know the others.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Flexeril
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


ladyred
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 8/13/2008 7:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Wb mochiah, sorry to here of all you suffering sometimes the emotional can be worse and Im sorry that you are still in so much pain.

I am pretty new to this site and but just want you to know that I went through a divorce about 2 yrs ago and my x was pretty mentaly abusive and leaving him was the best thing I ever did.  I felt so much better about myself mentaly when I left even though it was hard being single with 4 kids to take care of.

The up side was all I had to deal with was me and my problems and the kids and not him and his and then dealing with the way he made me feel all the time.  At the time I was not dealing with my injuries as I am now but I can say that if i had to deal with him on top of what I am dealing with now I'm not sure I would be able to get through what I going through now.

I know it is hard but I am here if you need someone to talk to even about all that.  It is hard even though it is a relife as well.

I hope you realize enough that it was his failings and not yours that lead to his riding you for your CP and your management of it.  When one has a failing they usu think that everyone else has the same failing and that is not so. Its like the bully at school they pick on the smallest and weakest  to make themselves look and seem stonger so they dont have to look at themselves and see what they need to change about themselves!

Always remember it was him and not you.  Sorry just such a pet peive of mine I hate men that pick on woman like that!  I quess its more so because I went through that and know what it does to you on the inside!

Like I said if you need anything let me know

Take Care and am glad you are feeling better even if its just a little bit

Lara


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/13/2008 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Mochiah,
Glad to see you back! Not sure if you remember me, but your name is familiar. That's a pretty huge change you've made and good for you! Takes so much courage to face some of the things we know we need to change, but a variety of fears and reasons keep us blocked. I'm glad it has lessened your stress, which none of us need more of!

Hope to see you in a lot of posts. Feel free to jump into the Beach Party and have some virtual fun with us!

PaLady

Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 8/13/2008 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Of course I remember you PA.

I must admit I was a bit surprised by the Beach Party thread and jokes threads since the last I was here those types were being deleted for being off topic. I am glad it is being accepted now because we all know diverting your mind from the pain is a godsend no matter what form.

Ladyred, thank you for your offer of support. Right now I think I am still on cloud 9 from getting the gumption to do it, but I am sure I will be taking you up on your offer when reality hits. 20 years is a very long time to be with someone. I had kicked him out a year ago for the drinking, but that time I listened to the kids (who were making me feel like the big bad bully) and I gave him another chance. I also listened to, and believed, the I promise I will quit lecture. Then, the drinking didn't stop and I realized that the kids that are at home are 16 and 19 and will be leaving the nest....I needed to do what made me happy.

I do find it very interesting that when I was depressed his response was "I am a believer that if you think yourself happy then you will be." But now that it is HIM who is depressed I am supposed to feel sorry for him.

Oh, another thing I am super excited about is that I am going on my first REAL vacation in about 7 years....you know where you really go away....not where you are having surgery and recovering! I am going to upstate NY to where I grew up and seeing my old house and my prior roommate/best friend whom I have not seen in over 20 years.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Flexeril
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


ladyred
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 8/13/2008 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh that sounds so wonderful mochiah upstate New York is so beautiful! I am glad you are gettin away.  Not sure if you are going with anyone or not but I know some of the best vacations I have had have been sence I left my x and going by myslef was wonderful didnt have to compramise with anyone and just did what I wanted and met some really interesting people.

I love people so I can just talk with anyone lol and you really never know who you will meet and what impact they will have on your life.  Right after my divorce I went to  Toranto Canada and by my self and met my fiance there he is from Scotland, a highlander lol:) Yummy accent!  We have been together for a little over 2 yrs now and he is wonderful! Working out immagration issues so he can move over here.

The kids never want to see there parents slit up even when the realationship is not healty there is security even disfuction and change is always hard.  It does take a stong person to take contol and say enough is enough and think of yourself for once and its something that parents get lost in at times.  There is a time and place to think on you and I'm so glad that you did.  Opression is its on CP!

I can understand how hard it must have been I was with my husband for 17 yrs and even though he treated me like crap prob 16 and 1/2 of those its still hard to deal with at times and the kids make you feel qulity at times. But I wouldnt trade my state of mind that I have sense I left him for nothing!

But as your kids get older they will realize what you did and why you did it.  One thing that I found is that even though he treated me like crap he was always a good father to the kids and so I dont talk about him to the kids and that has helped alot with the adjustment.  I have also went through the I will change speach it is my experince that they only change when they loose everything and unfourtunly its usu to late at that point to go back.  But all things are possible to those that believe but please be careful.  Change takes time and they must be consistant with it for many months to know its true.

When you need to talk I will be here

Take care and have fun on your vaca!

Lara


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/13/2008 10:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Mochiah,
I don't know about other threads, but I have kept in touch with the moderators about the Beach Party one. First, we need to keep it within the rules and we had a stumble there but got back on track. But it is related to pain issues as I deliberately started it as a way to use imagery to deal with pain. And, of course, as a diversion and just some fun. So it seems the moderators are ok with it as long as we keep it family friendly, etc. And that's what I always had it mind. We're finding we're such a bunch of quirks and laugh so much and are so creative no one needs to get off-color or anything. And we're laughing with eachother which is definitey a release from pain. I think it just depends on how the thread goes.

You know it's hard to leave some one after so much time, but your teens don't need to be around an active addict, as I'm sure you thoought about.

Have a great time on your vacation!! I wish I had the money to take one. Glad I took some a few years back before I was injured and was still working. You can tell us how great it was when you get back!

PaLady

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13451
   Posted 8/14/2008 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Sue and welcome back. I am very glad to hear that you got rid of the husband. I had alcolism in my family and I understand it very well. You are so right when you say he contributed heavyly to your depression.

Don't you just love some of the stupid things that come out of their drunken mouths. I have always heard the saying "God looks out for fools & drunks" and I truly believe that statement. My 2nd ex was not an alcoholic, but he was mentally abusive, I kicked him to the curb after 5 yrs, that was more than enough, he turned out to be a mean nasty man to say the least. When he went out of town on a job, that I found for him, in 5 days I filed for a divorce, I moved myself and my kids out of our house into an apt. and bought myself a new car and started a new life one more time. I have zero tolerance for anyone abusive in any manner. After leaving him, someone who really knew little about my life with him, said you look better now than you ever have. She also told me she thought he was what was making me so sick at that time and she hit the nail right on the head. My health problems I was having then did a turn around once I got rid of him. lol

Oh gal, you go on the vacation and have yourself a wonderful time, you deserve it. As for the kids, as they get older, trust me, they will look back on things and then will be coming to you and saying, "oh Mom how did you manage to last that long with Dad".  Kids even at their age still will put blinders on when it comes to parents, but that too will change.

Welcome to your new life and enjoy every minute of it. Hugs, Susie



Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 8/14/2008 10:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, PAlady, that is the actual beauty of this vacation.....I haven't had to pay one red cent. I had been trying to stash away a little bit of money here and there out of the measly amount hubby gave me each week so I could pay for the trip ("only" a $185 plane ticket). When I told my old roommate I would be booking soon, she said it wasn't soon enough. I was to schedule time off from work, get on one of the flight deal web sites, find a flight, and call her so she could give me her cc number. I will also be staying with her, so no hotel/rental car.....and my parents are giving me a few hundred dollars to go there with. They, too, are thrilled that I am actually getting out of the house. My youngest son will stay with them so as to be sure he will make it to school each day. I am feeling VERY fortunate for a change.

I wasn't belittling the fact that the beach party existed at all, I am actually quite glad the thread exists (although I have not read through it all yet!), I was just pleasantly surprised by the diversion being allowed.

Susie, I am already singing a much happier tune and feeling quite proud of myself, I must say, for finally having the cahones to do it. Neither of the boys seems upset at all this time (I tried a year ago but took him back after 2 months because they were upset with me). The youngest came to me tonight and said he is "getting sick of and kinda mad at" the fact that dad calls him every morning asking why he doesn't come over every single day.

Nope, no turning back this time. I have tasted freedom and plan on being fat and happy from it!
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Flexeril
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.

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