Ok here is one for you all to ponder over.

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Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/16/2008 11:47 AM (GMT -7)   
How do you go on after your entire life has been turned upside down and you have no control over the maddening pain?

Saw this question on another Pain site and thought I would pose it to you all. Here is my take on this.

Life after what each of us has gone through is pretty much our own personal habitat of trying to cope with each day, hour, minute and second. I figure that I have at least another 40 years to live if I live as long as my grandmother did (she died at the age of 84) and I do not know what the future holds but as an example of what I go through every day I am going to post my daily routine.

Somewhere between 3am and 8am I am up. I head for the bath tub or the hot tub if it is a really bad day and lay there in the hot water trying to get the pain to subside enough until my meds have kicked in. (Of course alike to each of you the first thing I head for in the morning is my pain meds). Then I spend a few minutes getting coffee started after I have spent 30 minutes in the tub. Go back in lay down until coffee is ready and grab the laptop on my way by. Log onto HW forum to see the new posts for the day and post whatever I can to help the new people along with how things are going with me for the day. By this time my meds have kicked in enough I can go in get a cup of coffee....let the dogs out and then I usually will sit down on the couch and watch a little tv for about a half hour. By this time the pain has totally gone into overdrive in one leg or the other and I am forced to head for bed once more.

Bed has become my main place of residence and with the aide of lots of pillows I can kinda get comfortable in it. I eat meals that are easy to fix, because I cannot stand on my feet for more then 5 minutes without feeling lots of pain. Trips to anywhere are a nightmare and what once was a life of shopping, visiting friends and doing my regular photography has now turned into a life alone in my house. Trips to the mountains are now history. My hunting has decreased lots.

Can there be a life after such painful things that all of us can recapture. I would say no, but yet there is a part of me that is pretty stubborn and tries to reclaim what is left of my old life even though it causes so much anguish and torture. I try to get on with my life, I still go to the mountain from time to time, still hunt when I can, still cook when I can (or am feeling up to it), still take my pictures and I still paint. But now its in spurts a few minutes at a time and hubby can tell when I have had enough. So I believe that we can try to reclaim a little bit of our old lives before we were put in our positions, just in small increments and we always have to listen to our bodies for signs that it is time to quit.

My point is my dear CP'ers.....never give up. Always try to do what you can to be as active as you can.

hugsssss

Scarred
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/16/2008 2:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Scarred,
Wow - you picked a heavy duty topic, eh? One that's probaby at the crux of it all for us. How do we go on not just with the pain but, at least for me, what it has done to my entire (and I mean entire!) life and future hopes.

I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything these days that it's hard to pick myself up and look around and try to figure out just how I'm going to go on. That's not to say I plan on any kind of self-harm. Mostly, I think I feel at times like I just want to become a permanent vegetable. In bed. Maybe in the living room with the tv when it's something interesting (or even when it's just flashing pictures and voices), and....and what? I don't know. I truly don't know.

These days I'm feeling like life just keep kicking me back down before I even have a chance to get a knee up, you know? This car thing is going to cost me big money at a time when I least have it. Found out even with AAA I have to pay $3/mile to get it towed and the dealership is at least 20 miles away. I was going to attempt to drive the thing except now for the stupid hood latch not closing all the way. I don't want to go on about my car, but it's a lifeline if you life in the country and the little work you have is a 45 minute drive. I don't have family or others who are free to just drive me in anytime. Yes, my cousin will help me out on Monday, picking me up, but I won't be able to get the car back until I can pay for it. And it all spins back to health. If I had my health I could earn a living.

I'm not saying anything the rest of you don't have to struggle with, but when there's just absolutey no one at home to help in any way, shape or form it is a different ball game. I take my hat off and then some to any of you who are CPP's and trying to raise young children as a single parent. That to me would seem impossible, although maybe it motivates you to push through the pain.

I don't even think I'm answering your question, Scarred. I'm rambling. Maybe it's because I just don't know.

PaLady shakehead

Scarred_for_life
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/16/2008 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   
awww hun sounds horrible. Sorry I brought up the heavy topic but I just wondered what everyone's view on this topic was. I know that since I have gotten this health issues going on that it seems that I too have been writhing with a few problems as to my old life. I received in the mail a few weeks ago my hunting licenses for antelope and I wonder how I am going to hunt this year when last year about killed me trying to even slightly keep up with my husband.

I am like you, I don't know how parents keep up with their children with problems like ours and I commend them for their efforts to do this. Maybe your right as to it motivates them through the pain. I started all this with my son being in HS and that was hard enough to raise him with the drugs in the house and him trying to deal with mom's problem and stuff without dealing with little ones that do not understand.

I know what you mean when you talk about life kicking you down before you even get to your knees, cause I feel that way as well. I sometimes wonder what it will be like in 5 years let alone 20 years down the road and have taken steps to where if I happen to get worse that our home is ready to be equipped with the proper stuff for such problems. One thing I made clear to my husband was that my new home was to not have a bunch of stairs that I had to climb up and down and hubby agreed that this was a good plan.

Anyway...now I'm rambling as well.

Scarred
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.


Tat2you
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 8/16/2008 6:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Scarred/PaLady, It can be very overwhelming at times. I think all of us at times feel this way, not seeing a way out of this world we live in. Sometimes everywhere you turn for help, a monster stone wall slaps you in the face. I know I have often felt surrounded on all sides by walls. It is sometimes hard, more often frustrating that we cannot perform the activities we used to do in life. I too, have also lost many friends because I am housebound. The highlight of the day for me is waiting for the postman to come, but he often delivers bad things like bills!! I have moved a bed from one of my spare rooms and placed it in the lounge room in front of the TV. I go from one to the other.

It is hard to be positive about things whilst in constant pain. I often feel extremely guilty as I stay home while my fiance goes to work to earn enough to get by, I receive workcover payments cause I was injured at work. Still not enough though. I also feel guilty cause I cannot even do some housework to help her out. She is very understanding and I love her very much.

I am rambling as well now,,,here is how I look at things,: I try not to look too much into the future and I try to live in the present time. Today is the only day we have because we may be gone tomorrow. I try so hard not to worry about things I can't control. But it is darned hard. Sorry, I am not preaching, I just wanted to share with you guys the way I try and get through each day.

catch....


PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/16/2008 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred and Tat,
I think it's a topic that lends itself to a little rambling, don't you? That's my way of saying let's ponder and ramble together!

PaLady

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/16/2008 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL PA sounds good to me lets ponder and ramble. I am waiting for my meds to kick in and hoping that it won't take too long to kick in. *rambling*

Anyway, I am off for the rest of the evening need to stretch out and relax so loves ya all and talk again tomorrow (or ramble)

Scarred
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.


ryand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 639
   Posted 8/17/2008 11:50 AM (GMT -7)   
PaLady:

idea This is off topic, but could you "jury-rig" (as my father would say turn) the hood somehow so it could be driven to the shop? I'm thinking about a car I had wrecked a long time ago and the hood wouldn't close, so we went and got one of those bungee cords with the hooks on each end and strapped it through the hook on the underside of the hood and then hooked it to the radiator grill on the front of the car - just wherever it would secure really. It wasn't pretty, but it was enough to hold until we could get it to the repair shop.

Scarred:

I will come back and reply to your question some time - promise! I'm just feeling too crummy today to do that now. I'm sorry. Hope you understand. I'm afraid if I dwell on how I feel right now it will be the end of me today! cry

Ry

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13468
   Posted 8/17/2008 12:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred you are so right about having your life snatched right out from under you. I stayed in denial in my situation. Crohns is what brought me down and shortly thereafter, the chronic pain became a monster I know of for a good 20yrs plus. I think back and I think by staying in denial so much did more harm than good. I was still trying to work and my boss, he usually would send me home, before the day was over. I spent alot of time sleeping in his office on the couch. He would be gone out of town, so as I soon as I put the fires out for the day I headed to his office and shut the door. i thought I had everyone fooled including my gastro. After watching me getting worse and worse, my gastro sat me down and said no more, you cannot work any longer. He said you need to file for your diability and I will write any letter they need to get your disability approved. He told me I was the 2nd person he had ever told they needed to retire and go on disability, he said most people do better when they can work. I had terrible pain from crohns and he would only give people vicodin for pain for a limited time too. He knew I couldn't take vicodin and he is the one that referred me to pain mgt. I had me a little melt down and it got even worse. So, I ended finding myself a good physchologist because I couldn't understand all the feelings that I had. She was a blessing in disguise for me.
The first thing out of my mouth to her was "I feel so overwhelmed with my life that I can't function to do just normal small things". If I tried to leave the house, no matter where I went, the minute I walked in the door I could feel the panic attack coming on, so I would have to turn around & walk right back out and go back home. I did this for almost 3 yrs. I had never had a panic attack before in my life.
 
My big life changed beginning July of 02, and I can tell you, it was not until June of 06 that I was able to slowly start making myself a new life which is pretty much is what alot of us have to do. But in the meantime I was getting hit with new health problems that are here to stay that I deal with daily. Little by little, when a new health problem crops up, I realize I have to accept it and keep going.
 
I am with you, I do not know how young mothers cope and take care of children at the same time. I guess in some part they are trying to concentrate so hard on caring for the children they can temporarily block out what their body is doing. The one thing I am thankful so, is I was 49 when all the debilitating crap hit. My children were grown and gone from home by that time. My husband and I were very active people and we got to do alot of traveling and going and seeing places. We rarely spent a weekend at home, we were off some where.lol. In that respect, I feel I am very fortunate to have done the things I did. We had so much fun, that usualy the kids and their spouses took off to places with us.
 
Its a very hard thing to do when trying to rebuild your life. My limelight is a 3 yr old grandson, he is why I get up every day and keep going. He needs his Gran to play cars with him and read to him. Hugs to all Susie 


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/17/2008 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Lassie,
I just want to say it's good to see you jump in and post! Anywhere! And if just reading the fun threads helps, that's great, too!

Failed Back Surgery Syndrome is pretty much what it says - back surgery failed. I'm not sure what the specific criteria are that the docs use, but WE sure know it when it happens!

But I don't want to get too off topic here. This is a deep thread, and that's good for us sometimes. We need these as much as we need the lighter ones. Because that's our life, right? It sure helps me to see I'm not alone. That is the biggest gift this site has given me.

PaLady

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/17/2008 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Exactly PA. Failed Back Syndrome means that you had a surgery (or in my case three) and it failed to take care of the problem. I think that is the easiest way to explain the whole thing anyway. I know I kinda brought up a heavy subject and if anyone doesn't want to speak of this I totally understand, but my purpose for posting this was to get ya'lls view about how your life has changed and what you are doing now to compensate for the injuries and health issues that are now filling your lives with such horrid and lonely problems.

Me, myself I have actually taken measures to ensure that my life does not end up like "Titanic" (even though it sometimes feels that way) at the bottom of a very cold ocean (sorry about the reference to Titanic, seems I've been reading a lot about the disaster that happened way back when......gotta be bored huh?). It's funny (or in this case scary) to think that each of us, though drawn together by one certain cause, have different views of what exactly life holds for us in the future. I have tried hard to put this behind me (sometimes I whine a lot about being in so much pain) and still try hard to do the things that I once enjoyed so much figuring that if I give up one part of my life then the rest will be just too easy to quit at as well. I just don't want to give into the pain and think that someday all of us will be without this horrible health issue. I know this in my heart that each of us that suffer will someday be without this pain (even though it may be that we will die in pain), but it is so hard to give up my old life without a fight, you know?

I find it is a trait of my families to be so stubborn and as hubby says that I am. I guess I'm on the other end of the spectrum where I wish so much for my old life back that I will keep continuing to fight for it until my last breath. Of course, you caught me on one of those days where I feel the passion welling up inside and think that this too I can overcome, but that is not my view on days when the pain is bad and I think going back and forth has made me more determined to capture some sense of my old life. Even though on those days that I feel strong and determined, I am still in pain (that's one of my constants that does not go away), I still feel that no matter what I do I will be in pain anyway, so why not enjoy the day while I can. Then I'll grab my camera and head out to my favorite haunts and sneak up on an unsuspecting critter and snap picture after picture. It's funny how it distracts my thoughts from my own troubles, if only for a few seconds and I feel a little better about my situation.

I think that is where my determination comes from, but I am not sure. Anyway, there is my take today (we will see how it is tomorrow) and tomorrow may hold another story all together. :-) Have a great night all and I will try to make it on tomorrow though I have an inspector coming tomorrow for the buyers to pick apart my house LOL.

Hugs and gentle squeezes,

Scarred

P.S. By the way.........we are sitting at 5 days and counting until the buyer has any room to complain about the house, so cross your fingers that this will go through and we will be OUTTA HERE! hehehehehe
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 8/18/2008 1:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I called my dear friends in another state. Oh, six years ago we had so much
fun together...trips to San Francisco, Big Sur, parties at their big house, holidays.
When I had my accident/injury, I just ran from them because I did not want to
tell the truth to them or me.
So what do I do? I called them!
So now what? They want to visit.
I am going have to live with my shades pulled when I expect that they might be
in my state.
The thing is: With my chronic pain, I just can't be me with other people ... old
friends, my grandkids. No one! The only people I really talk to are doctors.
Interesting topic, Scarred.
Visiting with my old friends would only make me feel worse ... and it would make
them feel bad too.
Interesting topic, Scarred.
Pamela Neckpain

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/18/2008 1:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Gawd Pam your awake???? Gee now I don't feel so alone LOL
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 8/18/2008 1:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Scarred!!
I love your Thread idea.
Hey now, you should be night night, Sweet Heart.
Pamela

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/18/2008 1:56 AM (GMT -7)   
LOL Pam too much pain to sleep. As per usual left leg is screaming at me and hips are so sore that they cannot be happy! :-( Oh well guess you and I can chat huh?
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.


ladyred
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 8/18/2008 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello all thought I would chime in on this thread as well.

I know that I'm new to the thread but I feel alot of what you all are feeling I quess im just newer at this than most.

Sence my accident I have gone through a worldwind of emotions and thoughts and have already lost so much. My days  used to be from 6am till 1030pm at a none stop speed of work kids sports school and just running .  I have 3 teenagers and a 10 yr old.

Sence my accident I have been redused to a shell of the person that I once was.  Not being able to work at first then the last 2 weeks pushing myself to work at least 2 to 3 days a week so that I dont go under completley.  Im single and in one sence I think it does motivate me to do more than I thought I could and on the other hand it makes it so hard that I want to scream and hit something or someone because there are those days hours weeks that no matter what my mind set is my body just doesnt comply!

I feel like my whole identy is being stipped from me peice by peice.  Loosing a peice of myself everyday.  So being a fighter I think of ways to reinvent myself.  This works on those days where you are mad in in those fighting mood and you think im not goin to let this beat me and take away what I have worked so hard for these last 2 yrs.  But when its 8 am and you still havent slept from the night befor because the pain is so bad and you are still itching from the pain meds that they have changed already 3 times and still are having probs, well on those days its like what the use there is only one of me with a mountain of things I know I have to do today on no sleep and in exteem pain and you just sit there and cry out of frustration and anger and because you know that no matter how much you may want things to be better or like they were there not and they may never be!

Now I try not to go there because i dont like to think that because I do believe that things can get better and change and I do beilive in mircles.  But sometimes its just so hard.  When you sit in your house and try to explain to your kids that mom just cant today, but mom you did yesterday, yes i know but today I cant, and they look at you like you have lost your mind. Well that eats at me.  When my daughter asks me for money for new close for school when i used to have it and now I dont have any and I have to ask my mom for money to get things they need, It just tears me up inside!

When i sit there and look at the mountain of bills just piling up and I think ok its time to think about what im goin to cancel this month I feel sick to my stomach. And the tought of having to tell my kids that as well sighssssss, well I quess you all get the jist.

Then there is the flip side of ok When do you make the decession that you can no longer do it by yourself.  Do i send my kids to there dads in PA and upset there lives again after a nasty divore 2 yrs ago because some days i just dont think I can do this on my own and the longer I go the more I get behind.  Is this denial of whats to come? Or can I fight through it and overcome?

How do you plan some sence of life when there is no consistantsy to CP.  One day you can then 3 days you cant.  One week you can then 2 days you cant exc. 

Then lets top it all off with trying to manage you life around all your doc appointments!  And trying to manage everything when you have always been the one to tow the line for everyone else and now you cant and they just dont get it!

Sorry all just a bit overwhelmed today the last 3 days have sucked and thats putting it lightly! Im hurting from overdoing it by trying to push myslef to work so I can pay some bills and eat thinking that will take some of the pressure off but you just trade pressures dont you.  Now im in more pain and cant do much of anything!

Lara


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/18/2008 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Lara,
Oh, how I feel for you! I don't have children, but even so I feel like I could have written so much of what you said. All our losses. And we try to fight on, but there's always that constant question because of the lack of consistency, lack of predictable stamina.

just know you're not alone in your feelings.

PaLady

ladyred
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 8/18/2008 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   

I know Palady and that is sometimes my only saving grace in the scheme of things as is.  And it means the world to me to have you all.  The world!

Thank you all

Lara


Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/18/2008 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
There is quite a few of you that have chimed in on my little post here and for that I am so grateful to see that I am not the only one who struggles with such a debilitating disease and still is ready to go a few rounds with the "Pain Monster" at the end of the day. I know how each of you feel as I too have felt that way too at some point in time and have reached the conclusion that each of us in our own way have decided to go on with life as it is now at this time. It brightens my day to see such resolve in each of you as you struggle through the daily tasks each day and try to make some sense out of the CP that each of us struggle with.

There are days when I just want to give into the "Pain Monster" and give up and on those days I have to dig very deep to find the strength and courage to go on with my daily routine. As each of you know at this current time we (hubby and I) are amidst a huge move that will change our lives as we know it and with that I have struggled with the fact that I so badly wish to help hubby get everything boxed and ready to throw into the moving van. I, at times, have to hold myself back from getting out of bed and rushing to hubby's aide as he brings boxes filled with every last piece of property that we own to the living room to be placed in the shed until we actually have the U-Haul in the front yard.

Since the last showing of our home I have come to one conclusion. I cannot do anything to help, which frustrates me badly and makes me feel like I am useless to my husband. But as he keeps telling me, "While I am at work you are in charge of the little details (ie. retaining the U-Haul for our needs, calling the broker to see our progression, making sure that all my test results and files are copied and ready to go, making sure we have a back up plan in case all this falls through and other things) without me on the phone talking with my PM doc....the Realtor....the spa guy and others I would not be able to have gotten this far in this move hunny." To this I agree with and I have always been the one who has done the phone calls whenever he has needed me too.

Today as most of you have read from my previous post, I had an inspection of the house, wherein the buyer was present to know what was wrong with our home (I still consider it my home until Friday when it will be officially sold). I walked along with the buyer and inspector and after they had left I was in horrible pain and took my muscle relaxer as well as my pain pill, then laid down. I think that its the little things that I miss like being able to handle walking about the house without feeling that my pain was tremendous and other things in my life that have been either cut back considerably or have been all together quit.

Anyway, sorry for the long post and I do hope each of you get a good nights sleep tonight. Your friend in pain.

Scarred

P.S. btw just thought you'd all like to know that I started my Celebrex and will be taking my Topamax at bedtime. Apparently I am to increase over the next 4 weeks to 4 pills at bedtime. Tonight I take one and continue to until next Monday when I will increase to two at bedtime. Then the Monday after that I will increase to three and the following Monday it will increase to 4. Anyway I hope this works.
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 8/18/2008 11:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred:
Tomorrow I'm going to paint for 30 minutes. 15 minutes AM, 15 minutes PM. It's
soooo little I used to paint all day and into the night. I paint mirror frames - very intricate designs.
Sometimes I just paint dots. I've sold a few but mostly they're too time intensive.
I also paint childrens chairs, tables, and dotted adult chairs. Stare too long at my
work and you'll go blind!
Remember painting? Remember the joy? Try!
I'll let you know tomorrow, if possible, if I actually do the painting.
Pam
I'm also starting the Pain Scale thing.
It may be too much for one day. Ve Vill see.

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/19/2008 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   
That is so cool Pam!!!! I am so glad that you are gonna get back to your painting. I would love to see some of your designs one day and here is why; when I was 16 we moved to Riverton WY just before school started. 10th grade I decided to take a course in photography (you know developing film and stuff like that) and anyway we had one course where we were to take a mirror or a piece of glass and etch a picture into the glass.

Well my mom at that time was heavily into macramé and she had a round mirror in one of her macramé hangers...it was like a table. I asked mom if I could use the mirror but didn't tell her what it was for and she agreed. It just so happened that mom and dad's anniversary was coming up that very next month so I decided to etch a real cool rose with the stem and thorns into it. Took the picture, developed it, traced it onto the mirror with this thin film and it was etched into the mirror.

Gave it to my mom and dad for their anniversary and they were soooo tickled and when I told them that I got an A on the project they were even more happy! Anyway to cut a long story short I was give the mirror by my dad not long ago (dad and mom divorced soon after that and dad got the macramé hanger) the hanger had deteriorated but the mirror was fine. I was thinking of putting it into a round frame so that I can put it on the wall and would think it would be real cool to have a nice frame around it.

I remember the joy of painting Pam! I remember every brush stroke being a work of art and every color being just the way I want it! Unfortunately all my paints and canvases are packed in boxes so I can't feel that joy but.................when the new house is unpacked and I find the perfect spot to set up my palettes......paints......canvases and easel I will be ready to feel that joy once more!

Scarred
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Temazapim, Lunista, and Robaxin.


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 8/21/2008 2:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred,
I used to teach a Preschool Class. Most of the classes were called, The
Little Green Frogs Class, The Candy Kids Class, The Healthy Starters Class
The Silver Fish Club, The StarFish Club, The Seedlings Class ... Etc.
My class was called The Reflection Class. And our motto was:

"A loving person lives in a loving world and a hostile person lives in a hostile
world. Everyone you meet is your mirror."

I realize there were some mighty big words and ideas in the name of our
little group but the kids all "got it" by the time the semester was over.
Our room was decorated with mirrors and shiny things and all was well.
They all got a small mirror and I hand-painted the motto on the back of
the mirror and also some flowers, bees, butterflies... you know the drill!

Pamela Remembers

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 8/21/2008 9:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Lara, Lady in Red ...
You sure do have a way with words. I don't live YOUR life, but I know many of your
battles well.
You're doing great to go out to work. I wonder if you would share this letter with
your ex. Or your doctor? It has such a ring of honesty. "It takes one to know one," eh?
I have the Itching Thing too. That can sure wreck a day (a week or even a life). When I have the itching
days, it's almost impossible to think of anything else. I try to distract myself but
come out seeming to be selfish. The doctor said my nerve pain was Neuropathy.
Fortunately, it doesn't stay more than three days and then it goes away for a month
or _______.
I don't know about your accident. Unfortunately I can only skim over the posts. If
I sit too long my tail bone doesn't like it.
I have lost my 35-year-old son over my Chronic Pain. He thinks it's in my mind.
OMG! Our arguement was about three years ago. He wanted his daughter to come
for a visit. She's 13 and I adore her spirit. her fight. But, so much of the time
I'm on the bed staring at the crack on the ceiling. I sure don't want her to see that.
He said words that I'll never be able to recover from. I will still see him every two years
or so but he's gone. I feel it in my heart.
Take care, Lara. Be careful of that husband of yours. He sounds not nice.
You're so young to have CP. There are new solutions to CP being invented all the
time. Maybe you will benefit from them.
Pamela Neckpain

Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 8/21/2008 11:01:36 PM (GMT-6)


ladyred
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 8/22/2008 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Pamela,

I'm so very sorry about your son.  I know that must be so hard for you.  It really is a shame maybe you can get him to read some of the post on here and maybe it will show him a side that he just cant crasp. 

I would like to say something to you and I hope you know that this comes from my heart and I hope you see that. 

You still have so much to offer your son and your granddaughter Pamela even if you dont see it.  One thing I am beginning to realize about CP and from all there post I have read and my own experences,is so many lose site of the fact that you are still the same person in spirt even though you body isnt what it was.  I think even more so because it like loosing a sense, the others just get better and I think you Granddaughter would benifit from that as well as you son.

I understand pride and degnity and wanting to cry and break where no one can see.  It is your right as well as mine but you may be passing up a wonderful blessing as well and a boost to your own exsistance.

I think of the movie the notebook ( I was just watching it the other night) and if you dont know the movie the mother, wife has dementia.  Her kids come and grandkids come and visit and she doesnt remember them.  They all act like they have met for the first time.  Its sad, but I think the point is that THEY get peace and a chance to know there mother even if its not the way they would want it...at least its something and sometimes something is more than words can manage.

Just a thought Pamela and by no means is this a judgement on you or your choices or your sons.  Just a outsider looking in and trying to see a way to help or just to offer up a different way of looking at things.

Your heart is kind and generous and it would be a shame not to share it with them

Lara

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